R & R Casa

Playful Learning

2012-01-06T23:33:00.000-06:00

Friends, I am bursting with joy to share my most recent endeavor! For the first time in my life, I have (or have made) time for leisure reading in the past 6 months - a hobby I intend to continue - and for Christmas my mom gave me the book Playful Learning Spaces by Mariah Bruehl. I am fangoriously devouring it. Fangoriously... gold star if you catch that reference from the early 2000s. It is loaded with great information about stages of development in different areas of learning (art, math, writing, etc), and she offers suggestions for creating meaningful play and learning experiences for children of all ages and developmental levels.

Last week we cleared our junk room to host some dear friends who were in town from Michigan, and the guest room without guests in it, is our new family studio. If you can imagine, the room was stacked with boxes and toys and outgrown clothes and craft supplies from wall to wall waist-high just over a week ago, and now we have a clean studio space!

Guest room from the door that we were unable to fully open a week ago. The towels and blankets (on the shelf) will return to the linen closet in the hall until we are expecting guests.

Our expandable day bed is back to twin-size, and the shelves are ready for new activities for the children. We'll be adding an easel and table to the space along with some playful and carefully designed art, writing, science, and math activities (some of which may end up on the kitchen and living room shelves... we can't cram everything into one room!).

View looking back toward the door (to the left out of view) and curtained closet. The toys and books on the shelf were just a couple things to help our mini overnight guest feel at home.

A big open wall and a couple pop-arty pictures to hang on a wall somewhere.

I already have little piles of in-progress work toward the goal of breathing life into our studio space.

The paints will likely remain in a closet with a tray/palate on the shelf, so we can be more aware of when they are ready for projects with higher potential for destroying rugs and walls. :) They paint often, just with supervision to ensure that the paints are not being abused.

In addition to reading and enjoying Mariah's book, I have registered for her Playful Learning E-course, which should help fuel and direct my aspirations for our studio and our home. She has a beautiful studio in her own home, and it has been a major source of hope/inspiration to me in the past year since I discovered her website and blog: playfullearning.net Here is a video trailer for the e-course, in case you might be interested in joining... I'm already in, so say the word and we can be buddies in this process. I hope to share some of my work for the course here on the blog!

NaBloPoMo: I Caved. I Pinned.

2011-11-16T21:57:00.000-06:00

After declaring my resistance, I was overwhelmed by the friends who came out of the woodwork encouraging me to join pinterest... I caved to the peer pressure. I think the clenching argument was that it is a visual form of bookmarks, so instead of ending up with hundreds of nondescript links to blog posts across the web, I can pin just the inspiring picture, and look directly at it instead of wondering, "what on earth is 'coolest thing I have ever seen'?" Follow me there, follow me here, forgive me for falling of the NaBloPoMo wagon, and only posting occasionally (it's still way more frequently than ever before!). Thanks for the encouragement friends, I look forward to following you all for loads of inspiration.

NaBloPoMo: Another Time-Consuming Addiction?

2011-11-13T14:12:00.000-06:00

I am sure you have all heard of Pinterest by now. I requested an invitation a while back, but have stopped myself from joining against every fiber of my being. I ~~could~~ spend HOURS at my computer a day, and it is not healthy. I'm wondering if any of you are on it and how you find balance. When I first discovered blogging it immediately overtook my time on the computer (as did facebook before blogs, as did instant messenger before facebook, etc...).

Now I am fighting off the urge to join the online community of people who love to look at cool stuff, and I would be looking at more cool stuff than I was doing. UGH. I am feeling pulled to join today, and I am forbidding myself to join until my house resembles a home and not a trash heap. It may be a cop-out of a blog for today, but it is what is real on my heart right now!

NaBloPoMo: Real Work, Real Helpful

2011-11-11T22:30:00.000-06:00

So back on the topic of being more deliberate teachers at school - which only builds the parenting toolbox - I recently had a beautiful experience subbing in my own son's Montessori primary classroom. As I probably posted recently, we have been really struggling with ~~armageddon~~ getting ready for school in the mornings. I'm not a morning person, my son is not a morning person, and we are both stubborn non-morning persons - how's that for three of the biggest understatements in history right there in one sentence!? We would fight tooth and nail before school to get breakfast into that kids tummy, to get pajamas off of his screaming flailing body, to get clothes back onto that flailing screaming tear-drenched body, and to get that flailing screaming tear-drenched furious body into the car and buckled into the carseat to go to school - oh, and I didn't even mention that there was another baby to dress and feed and a DIRE need for coffee. I was a mess... for far longer than I care to admit... and we were consistently arriving with the 15-30 minutes late crowd, which is a BIG NO NO for children in any school setting, but especially for children so sensitive to order and ritualistic about their daily routines, as my very young son is. I had become that parent, with the child that is always late. Oh, that I would have known this was ahead of me when I was smack-talking about how annoyed I was with constantly tardy 3-yr-olds when I was a new assistant!

The situation was pretty frustrating, did you pick up on that? The last day that we had this kicking screaming royal rumble of a morning, I was scheduled to sub in my son's class and we were both 30 minutes late for school because of the clothing battle. I sent him in sniffling and went to the PSO coffee social to get a grip of myself before I had to face a classroom of 25 of his peers (many of whom were my former students... I was his teacher's assistant for a year before Liam was born). At the coffee social, I vented the problem to the PSO president, who has a very cool 10-year-old daughter, whom I've known since she was probably 5. She told me she was very familiar with this struggle, and that there were times that she loaded her daughter into the car, clothes in a bag, and drove her to school - one time in her underwear! - and that the problem promptly ceased. I was impressed. Over the course of the day, I met no less than 4 other parents who shared similar stories - getting rid of pjs entirely, dressing the night before school, wearing pjs to school, etc. So I left work that day with some resolve to turn this mess around. I e-mailed his teacher, a dear friend, and asked for her suggestions, to which she said she gave her full support - that she and the assistant would follow through with consistency on the issue if he did, in fact, show up in pjs. Get to the point, Renee, this is supposed to be about school communities!

A week or so later, I was called in to sub in his class again (after only mediocre attempts at getting to school clothed and on time... we dressed in the lobby a couple times, and were still leaving the house screaming). I walked Dominic into the classroom and into the restroom/dressing area and handed him his clothes. I went to go get a much-needed cup of coffee, and returned to him standing on the dressing bench looking over the half-wall at me... still in his pjs, I know, you aren't surprised. I tried to give him space and ignore him, so he could dress himself, to no avail. He finally started calling me from across the room, and I went over to him to see what he needed, only to be met with a "NO! I NOT! YOU DO IT!" So I stood up and scanned the classroom, and I called upon a child who seemed a little distracted in his work (a child I know is an expert dresser, who once asked for a full dress suit as a gift for a birthday or something). I invited him over and asked if he would be willing to help Dominic get dressed, and he was very willing. So I asked him what needed to happen first and asked if he could just tell Dominic each step to getting dressed, and I slowly backed myself out of the dressing area... sneakily, so as not to be noticed.

Not a minute later my son emerged completely dressed, his pjs in a bag in his cubby, and his older friend was back to work at his table. I continued with the morning, inviting children to simple lessons, and redirecting children from silliness or back to forgotten works (I really don't do anything elaborate when I am a sub, as I want to be extremely respectful of the teacher's plans for lesson giving, and respectful of the children who I have not observed enough to give lessons). It came time for 10 am false fatigue, and the classroom seemed to fall apart into loud, seething, chaos. There was work on every table and mat, but not a child to be found at that work... which, for you non-Montessorians, is totally normal and tends to happen 1.75 hours into each 3-hour work-cycle; the goal is to shrink the duration of false fatigue as it usually leads into the most concentrated time of work at the end of the work-cycle. I walked around to the loudest groups and asked that they lower their voices so others could concentrate. It is a hard thing to be comfortable about false fatigue, especially for me, and it was a surprisingly lucid day for me to look at the clock during the chaos and realize what was happening and let it run its course. I invited a few strategic older children to offer help to younger children who had "lost their work," and like magic, the class started to settle into "bigger" work.

Everyone settled into some work, and I sat to observe a bit and help a child with the names of countries in Europe. About 20 minutes before dismissal time a few children had finished working and started wandering around again, so I invited them to join me in reading about the parts of a leaf (shockingly interesting to children 3-6, if you happen to have rolled your eyes at that prospect!). As more children started to join us, parents of children in the toddler community accross the hall gathered right outside of our classroom windows waiting for their children to be dismissed - among those parents, my mom who was picking up my youngest brother. The room started to become a little chaotic again as children realized it was "group time," and my son was getting out a knobbed cylinder block. He dropped the block right at the edge of the group, spilling all 10 cylinders, which he proceeded to toss in the air... while the parents of other children were looking in on this display, and while I was making a futile attempt to describe the "primary vein" and the "margin" of the leaf. Maria Montessori, who often manifests as the Holy Spirit, happened to be flying over at this moment, and zapped me with a brilliant idea (these are few and far between, my friends). I invited another of the older children (who was causing me some trouble during the book) to help Dominic pick up his work so he would be ready for dismissal. The child was happy to oblige and I didn't see another cylinder fly through the air; quite the contrary, the cylinders were restored to the block and the block was returned to the shelf. We continued the book, we sang a song, and we lined up for dismissal.

I later found out that my mom was pulling some kind of Olympic ice-skating commentator move in the hallway, pointing out to the other moms, "I wonder how this will turn out; that is my daughter reading a book about... leaves?... to the seething masses; that is her son throwing those cylinders, which I am pretty sure is not the appropriate use of that material; and I know that she is pretty specific about materials being used appropriately... let's see if she lands this triple salchow..." I think I landed it, but it was a Hail Mary pass inviting a sometimes rowdy 5-year-old to manage my always-NOy-son!

Moral of the story: children are much more likely to listen to other children and/or accept assistance from other children. You may be one of only two adults in the room, but you likely have 10 or more eager helpers an earshot away. Children are naturally more gentle with their peers when it comes to assisting in challenges - often, they have only recently overcome the same challenge, making the teaching opportunity particularly poignant for reinforcing new skills. I've also come to notice that when a child helps another child, they only help the minimum amount (in the best possible way), allowing the child who needed the help to do as much of the work as possible, strengthening his feeling of competence. When a small child can't quite operate the zipper on her coat, an older child will put the two sides of the zipper together and zip a couple teeth up, but then turn the zipping over to her younger friend, who very-much wants to be able to do it herself. This act of helping other children empowers the older group of students to develop a sense of leadership and a deep joy in assisting others, at the same time the younger group is absorbing the generous and patient example of the older students, which will manifest again in a couple short years when they ARE the older group! Montessori was so brilliant in her observations of children and the application of her observations to the creation of an educational pedagogy and practice that allows for the development of the whole child, an education that allows the child to participate in "real life" from the earliest stages. I find it humorous when I hear people say things like "well, how do these Montessori kids do in the 'real world,'" because it seems so clear that they are doing "REAL work" all the time, while their traditional school counterparts are being reprimanded for "talking in class," even if they were just asking a friend to borrow a pencil. How silly that question is, and how silly the thought that children should be doing anything other than real work!

NaBloPoMo: Taking it to School, Solving Problems

2011-11-10T23:29:00.000-06:00

So, some of these ideas are great when there is only one child to deal with... only one fight to mediate... no other hungry, crying mouths... etc. I was asked how this applies to the classroom, and I'd like to share a couple observations of my experience directing the after-care program at the Montessori school. I've been directing the program since August, I have never worked with elementary aged/ 2nd Plane of Development (6-12 yrs.) students before this year, this age group is SO DIFFERENT from the 1st Plane of Development (0-6 yrs.), and this is my first time in the lead role in a Montessori environment of any kind. The perfect storm for ~~disaster~~ growth, right? ...especially if you've met me and/or a child in the 2nd Plane!

I'm a person who reverts to a "do what I say when I say it," approach when stressed; it is definitely my biggest struggle, and it is one that I am CONSTANTLY working at and ~~self-loathing over~~ evaluating and reevaluating. So this year I went into this after-care gig thinking, "these kids are going to be in charge of menu-planning and cooking, and cleaning up after themselves, and they're going to have constant access to art lessons in tons of different media, and they are going to freely explore in nature and study plants and work in the orchard, and engage in dramatic play and theatrical performances, and they'll practice their musical instruments, and read books, and so on and so on. First fatal error: thinking. Ok, not really, but I have LENGTHY outlines of my goals for the "flow" of after-care and my "expectations" for the students, etc, and they did not match up to the way things actually came to pass (to put this into Old Testament terms for bad stuff happening all around, if I'm understanding that phrase accurately). I've felt overwhelmed with conflicts that seem so trivial and simple, that I've wondered (silently in my head), "what the heck am I doing here?! what the heck area these kids doing?!" I should have known that my outline would not have immediately materialized, and looking back, I am thankful to have planned out my "philosophy" for this endeavor to look back and see how we are progressing.

So, what has HELPED, is gradually handing more responsibility to the students, especially in the area of critical thinking. At first, I was quick to give in to judge a situation when a child came to "tattle", and I was quick to use that judgement to issue a verdict and a sentence. Then I was quick to realize that I was constantly hearing tattling and "getting kids in trouble," leading to more tattling and more "mischief" and unhappy kids. So, my first step was to get the kids SOLVING PROBLEMS, which goes something like this (sometimes it works to talk this through with one child, but usually I work through it with all the involved parties):

"You sound angry that he took that stick out of that tree fort, what is going on?"
"Have you told the child who took that stick how you feel?"
"What words did you use? Does it seem like he understood what you said?" (inevitably the words were, "STOP THAT NOW!"... not so much a feeling as a command...)
"What is it that you are needing right now? Respect? Space? Cooperation?"
"Perhaps you could say to that kid, 'When you take that stick, I feel angry, because I need respect for my work and my space.'"
"What do you think that child might be needing? Inclusion? Friendship? Respect?"
"Is there something you can do to solve this? Is there a way you can help meet both of your needs?" (the most popular response to these questions starting out was "I don't know" or "tell the teacher"... ugh... not what I had in mind)
When they're reluctant to offer a solution or say they don't know immediately, I ask them to take some time to think about it, and that I'm happy to wait while they think. If they ask me for a solution, I follow my own advice and say "I really need some time to think about it, that's a tough one." I do not start offering ideas until the children first come up with some ideas.
When they've offered some suggestions, which we talk through (would that really meet everyone's needs? how would that make the other child feel? etc), I might offer some ideas, but when we review the ideas with those questions, they usually come up with something else that will better meet everyone's needs.
After working through these steps with the children for a while, because Lord knows that took a LONG TIME at first, I've added the question, "Do you have an idea of how we could prevent this from happening in the future or could have prevented it today?"
We close these diplomatic mediations with a recap of what everyone is agreeing to in moving forward: "OK, so you said you won't take any sticks away without asking, and you're interested in helping build the fort, and other child, you said you'll explain the fort design you are working on and give this child some ideas of things he can do to help build the fort. Can we shake on this and move forward? Let me know if you need any other help!"

So, this was ANNOYINGLY TIME CONSUMING at first because it seemed the children weren't really used to this type of adult "intervention," at least not in the more free-form after-care setting. They would be called together to work through a problem, and immediately complain that it was taking too long, that they just didn't care anymore, "fine have it your way, I'm just going to do something different," and you can imagine the other forms of whining (which I completely understood, because I was thinking the same thing). As we would come to a solution, I would point out, "wow, that only took 9 minutes (or whatever), I'm glad you're working together to solve this." Now that this is established as the culture of our group, these mediations take less than 5 minutes, depending on the length of the "background story" leading into the discussion. The amount of time it takes to get the children working at solving problems is actually AMAZINGLY REWARDING in time I do NOT have to spend saying, "Hey, you stop that right now, you're wrecking that fort, you're being mean, you need to come sit over here, you cannot play right now, etc."... amazingly rewarding... I much prefer kids playing joyfully to kids sitting in a "time-out" complaining at me... and of course that is not to say it is all joyful play, but there are certainly lots of opportunities for this BIG WORK of problem solving and critical thinking within our community and that working through those problems leads to deeper joy and stronger community bonds.

This is also REAL WORK, and it is work that will serve them as long as they are living around and with other people. In the film "Race to Nowhere," I remember a doctor who teaches at a medical school was talking about her concerns for the future of the medical field because so many of her students were so tied to the answer from the textbook, that she feared they would be unable to meet new diseases at the gate and confront them head-on with new innovative cures. I do not have the answers to everything, and I would be doing a horrible disservice to these children if I were "training" them to ask someone else (even an adult) to do all of their thinking for them! I want children who will run into a problem and think of every possible solution, who will try their solutions, and then try other solutions if their first attempts are not 100% successful. I don't want them to say "well, Miss Renee isn't here to say who's wrong, so I have to keep being pushed around by kids taking my things or calling me names." NO! I want them to have a toolbox full of ways to confront that kid that is going to offer them alcohol in high school, to suggest an alternative when their friends are squabbling over something, to dump that pushy boyfriend or girlfriend who just doesn't hear the word "no" clearly enough, to walk away when they simply cannot control the choices of another person.

By allowing the children to develop their own moral responsibility and compass (and taking the almighty-judge title from myself), the children seem to be more lucid about the way their actions affect other children, and more thoughtful in solving the problems - the 2nd Plane of Development is a sensitive period for moral development, meaning this is the developmental window that these children are acutely interested in solving problems with the utmost care. All we need to provide are the tools to do the work of solving real problems in their community (however small the community). It is so exhilarating to see them dash off from a mediation to get to working together, rather than leaving the sentencing table with heads hung low or fists clenched in resentment. Fun, challenging work. I've been reading more in the past 3 months than I have in any other 3-month stretch (which probably doesn't reflect well on my former study habits...), and I am really enjoying your feedback and encouragement. I have to point out, that a blog post is always a LOT longer than the way things actually go down... I really do less talking in these situations than these posts seem to suggest... almost like the posts have all the "stage directions" and "historical (philosophical) background" that show up in the playbill, but don't show up in the ballet, itself.

A closing thought: now that they are able to work through those "he took that toy from me"/"she isn't being my friend" moments more independently (and those moments are happening less frequently), we're able to do more of those cool and fun ideas I had at the beginning of the year. Moving forward, my next step is to get these kids functioning independently in their snack planning and preparation... always another hurdle to practice jumping!

NaBloPoMo: Say Sorry!

2011-11-06T14:27:00.000-06:00

In 2007 I first heard the notion that we should not tell/force children to say sorry. It was vaguely explained (or vaguely understood) that it is forcing a disingenuous response from the children - that they might not actually be sorry when we are telling them to say it and that they might become resentful or jaded when we force them to say things they do not mean. I nodded my head and tried not to fall back on that deeply rooted reaction to transgressions. "That hurts when you hit," I would say, or "we do NOT hit." And off the hitter would scamper, leaving the hit child crying or angry and me frustrated that the hitter was "getting away with hitting."

At the lecture by Kathleen Duvall, she revisited this confusing concept, and it seemed much clearer the way she explained it (both philosophically and practically), and perhaps I was just a more open to hearing something different this time around. She made the case that we have to consider our real goals for the children - do we want a pavlovian "sorry" response to crying? do we want children to "use words" when they have a problem? what words do we want them to use - have we modeled the words to them and do we continue to encourage the use of clear language? do we want our children to care for people enough to work toward a solution to a problem? There is so much to consider! I certainly do not want my sons to feel helpless if their needs are not being met, or to spit out a response "because I said so" while they continue to stew with anger. I also do not want my children to willy-nilly say "sorry" about everything: "Excuse me, may I pass?" "Oh, sorry!," "Why did you wear that shirt?" "oh, sorry," we live in a culture of people who are sorry for everything and nothing all at once! As parents, we feel that we are expected to tell our children to "say sorry" at the playground if they bump another child, or we have a guff if another parent does not tell her child to apologize to our child.

What, then, are we supposed to do? Our goal is to have conscious and considerate children, so we have to model the way to be conscious and considerate and guide them in the way to care for others. For example, my son pushes his baby brother and grabs all the toys away to a far corner of the room, leaving the baby crying and toy-less. There are a few things to consider (in the instant... I know... more challenging parenting work!):

Why did Dominic push the baby and take the toys? Is there a need that is not being met - to have space to play, to have respect for the work he did to set up the train track?
What need is Liam trying to meet as he encroaches on Dominic's play - relationship with his brother, inclusion in play?
What is going on right now? Liam is hurt (emotionally or physically) and Dominic is herding his toys into a coral away from the baby instead of playing with the toys or the baby.
What needs to happen next?

to meet Liam's needs: to feel included, preferably by his brother, to get some comfort for his hurt feelings
to meet Dominic's needs: a way to play with security that his toys will not be destroyed by baby-zilla, to build a good relationship with his baby brother

Now that I've considered all that, my goal is to help Dominic to comfort his brother, "what does Liam need to feel better? Can you pat his back? Could you choose one toy to offer Liam?" If Dominic is not ready for any of that, I will model the way to care for someone who is hurt "Liam, you look hurt/sad, I am going to rub your back. Do you need someone to play with? Let's roll this ball together, Dominic needs space to play with that other toy set." Once Liam is no longer upset, I can talk to Dominic. I want to validate and empathize with his feelings of frustration or anger, and model that there is a different way to address those feelings (instead of pushing): "Were you so sad/angry/frustrated when Liam wrecked your train track? You needed space to work, and he knocked down the bridge. You wanted Liam to move away and give you space." I'll also point out that Liam had different needs: "Liam wanted to play with his big brother because he loves you and looks up to you, he needs to feel included. Is there a way he can play with you/ is there a toy from this set that you could offer him so he feels included?" If that is way too much, perhaps I'd just leave it at, "you really need some space to fix your toy right now," but more often than not, Dominic is very willing to care for his brother and even if he cannot share the toy, he is usually willing to find another toy for Liam to play with.

So instead of ignoring all of that stuff that was going on (feelings, needs, relationship, etc) by just saying, "you say you are sorry right now and give him that toy," or "you go to a time-out while your brother plays here," we addressed all of those needs and feelings and included all involved parties in reaching a solution. If there was a real injury, Dominic could certainly go get some ice from the freezer, or a washcloth to wipe a scrape - children are so attuned to the needs and comfort of others when they are just given a chance! With older children it is very helpful to give each a chance to talk, and elicit the feelings/needs from the children because they have some vocabulary and understanding of what is going on. By giving each child a time to speak and listen to the other, the children gain experience in listening to others - once they each vent "what happened," they can be asked, "what is the solution? do you have any ideas?" For older children, it is even worthwhile to ask questions like, "what could have prevented this problem? what could we do differently in the future to care for each other's needs?" Often with the older crowd there is a simple misunderstanding, that needs further communication instead of an absolute judgement/sentence from an adult.

Working with children at the elementary level this year, in an after-school setting, I've observed that a pretty "stock" answer to those questions is "I don't know," followed by the expectation that I will dole out a judgement of who is right, who is wrong, who has to stop doing xyz, and who gets to continue along, etc. For a while I was exasperated talking these things through, until I started asking the children to take a moment to think, "because I don't have a solution to every problem, and I know they can work it out." It amazes me the solutions they come up with and how nemeses can turn into friends after just a few minutes of working through an issue. If I take these observations to the larger social arena, it isn't difficult to notice areas that people want and expect someone else to "fix" an issue while they completely shirk personal responsibility - the heads of major banks participate in risky lending practices, cost us billions in tax dollars, and then continue to have our support in our patronage of their businesses! It is as though we are conditioned to accept a "sorry" without any real reparation. We allow someone else to "handle it" instead of taking a proactive approach to our needs, and even worse, we assume that because someone utters the word "sorry" at the ring of a bell, that the truly mean what they are saying. I'd be inclined to think that actions are far more meaningful than words, as Eliza Doolittle put it, "SHOW ME!"

Perhaps tomorrow I'll ponder the ways some of these strategies work in a classroom setting - in some ways it is more challenging, while in other ways it is much easier because of the assistance we get from the children.

NaBloPoMo: Do What I Say vs. Be an Autonomous, Functional Human Being

2011-11-05T21:06:00.000-05:00

This week I attended a PSO lecture at St. Catherine's Montessori by Kathleen Duvall, a Human Development Specialist and Montessorian. I was nervous to attend the talk having read part of Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting, and feeling down on myself for being a "bad parent" (using far too many rewards and punishments in my day-to-day with the kids). Kathleen asserts that the three basic needs of humans are 1. autonomy, 2. relationship, and 3. competence. Considering these three human needs, she makes an argument against rewards and punishments because they do not adequately meet the needs of the child in becoming an autonomous and functional human being. Rewards and punishments (according to Kohn and Duvall) put the child in a relationship of being controlled by the parent, and this is a popular outlook on the parent-child relationship in our culture, that children should do what adults say when adults say it, even if that outlook does not seem to produce the type or quality of children we intend to produce as parents!

There is a large body of research on the efficacy of rewards and punishments short-term and long-term, and based on my reading on the topic, rewards and punishments are only minimally effective short-term. Long-term, the effects can be completely opposite of the initial intention in altering a child's behavior - if obedience is the goal, rebellion often follows; if the goal is "making good choices," children often lose their sensitivity to choosing anything because the "good" choice is always made by the parent, and so on. Kohn asserts in his writing on the topic, that we might spank a child to alter a behavior in the moment (to go to bed, to sit quietly in a restaurant, etc), and when the "consequence" does not work (short or long term) we determine that what we need is... are you ready for this... more of exactly the same ineffective consequence. It is also worthwhile to mention that Kohn considers rewards and praise to be equally ineffective (and even as damaging) as punishments, so when he says spanking, he would just as well say the same about a sticker or lollypop.

After some reflection and feeling very obstinate to even consider the possibility that I would think in such a pattern, I've started to think he might be on to something. When Dominic does not respond well to a gentle direction at bed time, I increase the intensity of the ~~demand~~ direction by raising my voice; when he doesn't respond again, I make an angry face when I raise my voice; when he doesn't respond to the angry face and louder voice, I close him in his room crying (and continue using the angry face/loud voice combo each time he comes out of the room); when he comes out of his room crying and squirming that last time I might increase the intensity by spanking him, at which point he lays in his bed crying and crying until he finally falls asleep or until I come into his room to make amends (or make a peace offering of one more song or one more book, etc). One punishment doesn't work, so I increase the punishment, and keep doing so until my son is helpless but to comply. I almost feel like one of the Milgram Experiment subjects - administering shocks out of blind obedience to my culturally conditioned ideas of how to "deal with" children who are "defiant."

So, how do you "handle" these "defiant" little beasts you carried in your womb for 9 months?! (the world may never know... just kidding) Kathleen's suggestions (consistent with Kohn's, and consistent with what has been working at our house lately) are as follows:

Establish a consistent routine that works for your family (these are the things that will happen within xyz timeframe).
Make sure the child has plenty of information - it is dark outside, it is 8:00 now and bedtime is at 8:30 in 30 minutes, you need enough sleep tonight so you can feel healthy and ready for school in the morning, sleep helps your body to grow strong, etc.
Ask the child what needs to happen within the scope of the routine - shirt or pants first, book or tooth brushing next, one book and two songs or two books and one song, what prayer will we do tonight, etc. Ask LOTS of questions, and try to avoid making demands (do this, do that). "Oh, do you have a different idea (of what is next, of what to read, of which pjs to wear)?" is possibly my favorite concrete suggestion from the lecture!
Give children the space and time they need to do the next thing - they are still taking in and learning the way their world works, and because of this they need more time to process things that seem simple to an adult who has been on the planet 8 (or more) times longer than they have!
If you feel it necessary to "praise" what they have accomplished DON'T PRAISE (rewards are just as damaging as punishments), offer a concrete observation to affirm the work your child is doing: "You worked hard to get your arms into your pjs," "it took a lot of work to get all the blocks into the bucket," "you put your clothes in the hamper," "you made a lot of choices to get dressed for bed." By giving feedback with clear and precise observations, children can reflect on what it is they have ACTUALLY done and they can focus on the accomplishment, itself. When we bombard children with "good job" or "yay yay yay," we place the focus on our parental judgement of xyz action, and truly, how serious can we be when we say "good job," if we say it about everything from urinating to solving long division problems? (GUILTY... I am looking at myself and NOT pointing a finger here, be not alarmed) We want our children to do these things because they can/ they need to, not because they make mommy happy enough to dole out a "great job, kiddo!"

By involving children in the process with open questions rather than closed demands (what book will you get, will you put on the blue or red shirt, vs. put the shirt on now, go get the book now, brush your teeth, etc), they get a sense of that AUTONOMY that is one of their major needs. They experience a RELATIONSHIP of respect and support that is modeled by the parents. The child has a greater chance of feeling COMPETENT because he is working within a framework that gives many opportunities for success in tasks he knows how to do and tasks he is learning how to do - the child is an effective member of the family community and an active participant in the routine instead of being a passive subject to the routine and a mere passenger in the life of the family.

Children (up to age 6) take in everything they experience in the family wholly, and modeling respect, support, and love is the best way to ensure our children will grow to value and emanate those qualities in their own relationships down the road. I've noticed myself at times ~~shouting~~ saying things like, "NO! You do NOT say NO to Mommy! NO NO NITTY NO NO NO!" as I desperately grasp at the air to take back those words! I want to have a child who THINKS independently, who CHOOSES to do the right thing, who is CONFIDENT to STAND UP to someone who is pushing him (or someone else) around! Kathleen said something that rocked my world, "the first time your child says 'no,' is the birth of his will, and it is a moment to be celebrated." The only way to think and choose and stand up for yourself is to have the WILL to do so, and the only way to develop that WILL is to have opportunities to MAKE CHOICES, to THINK, to STAND UP, and what a blessing that our children get to grow their autonomy and will in the security of our homes and with simple and (relatively) inconsequential decisions like which pjs to wear or what book to read. In this context, the bedtime battle seems to be so minor in relation to the BIGGER issues I want my child to be ready to address as he grows up. This parenting stuff is BIG WORK and SERIOUS WORK, and I am practicing every day to become a better parent to my children to prepare them for the world beyond the nest.

*I have to say that blogging every day for 30 days is SUPER ambitious for a long-winded thinker like myself. I'm going to say that it is more likely for me to post every other day... but I will also attempt to be less long-winded, and more frequent in my posts... Thanks for being such a cool reader... "good job?"

NaBloPoMo: The Bedtime Battle Outcome

2011-11-04T00:25:00.000-05:00

To the tune of being deliberate with my parenting, I have to share a change that has happened over the past couple weeks.

I was DYING each night trying to get Dominic dressed and into bed in a reasonable time frame. Then I was DYING again trying to get him moving and dressed for school in the morning. Yelling, begging, offers for help, a spanking or two... desperate parenting attempts to get back to the way he was last year (peaceful getting to bed and peaceful getting ready for school). It was not working and the situation was becoming dire (in my mind).

I put out a plea on facebook for suggestions. I got a variety of answers on the topic as varied as letting him cry it out to spanking him to ignoring him to giving him more attention to setting a timer to waiting for him to be tired and on and on. All of the responses were helpful in their own ways - just knowing that I am not the only mom struggling with this issue was HUGELY helpful. Sometimes all I need is some solidarity to press on or reevaluate. Some of the questions asked by other moms were very helpful as well: is he getting enough alone time with parents in the evenings? is he actually tired? is there a routine in place?

So, having had it up to my ears with the melt-downs, I decided to step back a bit and observe (ha, should have done that in the first place... silly Montessorian). What I noticed was that he was getting wound up right after dinner - running around, being a bit crazy, pulling out tons of toys without really focusing on any, etc. I enacted a few changes after those observations. First, I started initiating a little bit of quiet play and/or focused activity - building a puzzle outside of the board, cleaning up left-out toys in a systematic and cooperative way, rolling up the clean washcloths from the laundry bin, and also turning the majority of the lights off in the evenings. This helped dramatically, and he was less reluctant to get dressed. We also became more diligent about taking baths after dinner - if his clothes are already off, there is less of a fight to get undressed to put on PJs. After the quiet play time in the evenings we've been reading a book or two from the library bag that hangs by the door.

At first he was still disinterested in going to bed after reading, and required a little more prodding and possibly some laying down time with myself or Ryan. After a couple more days, though, he started to become more comfortable saying yes to going to his bed, and even more recently, he has told us that he is tired before walking himself to his room or asking us to carry him to bed! We reinstated a sense of routine, we calmed the house for the time leading up to bed, we spend more time giving our full attention before bed with lots of cuddles and hugs and kisses, and the "battle" that had me in a total fury each evening has almost entirely ceased.

NaBloPoMo?

2011-11-02T22:09:00.000-05:00

So, I hear it is national blog post month (NaBloPoMo). I trust that this is not a made-up-thing by Kristen over at Birthing Beautiful Ideas. At any rate, a couple of my other favorite bloggers did some 31-day series(es?) in October and I was pretty impressed by the idea.

Jules, who blogs at Pancakes and French Fries, did 31 Days of William Morris, using the quote "Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful," to bring some order to her home. Edie over at Life in Grace did 31 Days to Rebuild Your House and Heart, to recap the past year(?) of rebuilding her home after a fire that destroyed all of her family's worldly possessions. There were a few others, including Sandy at Reluctant Entertainer (who is having a giveaway of a KitchenAid food processor and a copy of her book today), and if I'm not mistaken the Nester started it, but I just couldn't commit to reading more than 2 series (in fact, I read them kind of novel-style over the past week... not great for productivity, but excellent for inspiration).

After reading the amazing stories of those two moms and the deliberate approach they took to "feathering their nests" over the past month, I am feeling moved to do SOMETHING at home over the next 30 days (well, 28, since it is already 9pm on Nov. 2). I have as many ideas and inspiration as I have dirty dishes and stacks of paper in my house - and I guarantee you, that is a lot. Because I work much better in a crunch, I'll treat this like a homework assignment for a class that I really like and we'll see what happens (I rarely did homework for the classes I didn't like).

I have a wonderfully orderly husband, and I am feeling an urge to become a bit more deliberate about the order in our home. Also, I think I'll spend some time on being a more deliberate parent - taking some inspiration from Kristen at her gloriously thoughtful and genuine blog about life and babies and mothering and all manner of good stuff, as well as some of the books I've been reading lately (and, you know, all that Montessori stuff I have rattling around upstairs). I already tackled the floor and hanging bar of the entryway closet and cleared out a ton of junk (without taking before pictures, woopsy), and tonight I'm going to finish the top shelf full of games and tiny baby winter-wear. Look for pictures tomorrow along with another exhilarating post (oh, and maybe a clever title to this endeavor?... thoughts?... suggestions?)

What have I done?!

2011-10-04T10:32:00.000-05:00

This morning as I drove home from the Starbucks drive-thru, I became overwrought with loathing for the number of times I've been to Starbucks in the past week. Not really because I've totally relapsed on my horrible eating habits (curse those cake pops and my lack of will), but because I can count on one finger the number of times I've visited my favorite local coffee shop in the past few months - yeah, one finger.

Not only is the coffee more expensive and the treats mass-produced, but I don't know the people in that electronic ordering box, and they really don't care who I am beyond an arm passing them a handful of cash. Fioza, on the other hand is a retreat-like experience every time I go. The owner and the baristas (are they baristOs if they are male?) all know me and my ordering tendencies. They know my children who did not even exist when I first started going to their marvelous establishment. They play Pearl Jam, they play Uncle Bob (Dylan), they play reggae, they play soul, they play jazz. They play "Daft Punk Radio," one of my all-time favorite Pandora stations, that I listened to at home long before I knew they were playing it. I was loyal to them through the panna cotta discontinuation and the dessert "shots" discontinuation. They ask about my family when I am there alone. They ask about me when Ryan goes without me. They look simultaneously shocked and encouraging when I order something other than a tapioca milk tea, sweetened - and I have never been disappointed when I stray from the usual. They bring out an extra piece of toast for my kids when we order curry soup or panini - heck, they make the kids toast even when we aren't ordering food!

I feel like I am cool enough to be friends with the hip coffee shop guys, even though I am a mom of two who often forgets to grab a straw. Even though I once dropped my drink in the parking lot immediately after buying it, for which I was told "shit happens," and handed a new drink free of charge and with a chuckle. Even though I always have to run back in for "one more thing," sometimes two or three times. Despite pestering these hip coffee dudes with millions of questions about what drink they think I might like, or questions like "what drink would be refreshing, decaf, non-coffee, not too sweet, iced, and not too girly for my husband?" That minty hibiscus tea, although flamboyantly pink, was exactly what he wanted, by the way!

BUT I DRIVE THRU AT STARBUCKS NOW!! I EXPECT MYSELF TO BE FIRST IN LINE AT CONFESSION THIS WEEKEND!!! RENEE, YOU ARE AN IDIOT!!! YOU WENT THROUGH MOST OF HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE BOYCOTTING STARBUCKS FOR SOME NOW-FORGOTTEN PRINCIPLE! WHAT GIVES?!?

What is wrong with me that I forfeit the best coffee moments available for a long line at a drive-thru?! In the mornings, the Starbucks drive-thru isn't even faster than going to Fioza and unloading my kids and loading them back into the car! Friends, I admit to this because this has to stop right now. I will not forego relationship for convenience - especially a convenience that may not even really be convenient. If I am going to spend $6 on something that I could kind of make at home, I damned well better be hanging out with cool people and enjoying the experience when I do it! I'm off to give myself dirty condescending looks in the mirror right now... as I finish my last Starbucks pumpkin spice latte... I'm probably going to flip myself the bird, too. Starbucks, you are no longer my mistress. Fioza, please take back your prodigal daughter. I am ashamed.

Reflections on Grandpa Gremillion

2011-07-05T22:59:00.001-05:00

Grandpa’s life is a testament that the nature of life is truly comic, rather than tragic. Visiting him the other day as he rested quietly and peacefully, I could not help but think of the scope and influence of his life. He will be the subject of bedtime stories at my house for years to come, and I can only hope my children grow up with a fraction of his work-ethic, family value, humor, and faith. Though immensely saddened by his passing, it is hard to ignore the peace that comes with knowing his life was full and far reaching.

Grandpa, Ryan, Dominic (6 weeks), and I in 2009

In a recent interest in the history of World War II, I was amazed to discover that he served in the Pacific theater. When my dad asked what he remembered of the war, he told him he had landed on Nagasaki after the second atomic bomb was dropped. When asked what that was like, he replied, “just like you can imagine.” He never discussed the war with his family, and my dad only found out that small (but fascinating) detail after my Grandpa already had Alzheimer's.

I’m amazed to consider life with so many young children in the 50s, much-less life with so many children while building a company from the ground up. His work ethic and determination to provide for his family are phenomenal in my eyes – though I am sure he would say he was just doing what he had to do. I love hearing the stories of my dad getting a Shipley donut after rolling the Houston Post in the early morning with Grandpa, and I am reminded of this every time I bite into one of the world’s tastiest donuts. He took a paper route to help make ends meet in the early days of the family business. I remember having many a cup of coffee with Grandpa in the A&E break room while my dad or uncles wrapped up work to take him to lunch. It is interesting to imagine the way Houston’s architectural landscape has changed since the start of A&E, and to think of the vast number of buildings he printed while they were still just drawings on a paper. What started out as a blueprinting shop for architectural drawings, is now called A&E - The Graphics Complex, printing everything from business cards to billboards and it is still operated by his five sons.

As for the family, my cousin Patrick commented recently that a Gremillion family photo equals an ocean of people, and I’d be hard-pressed to find a dissenter from that truth! As a child I vividly remember piling onto Grandpa’s chair, then onto sofas, and eventually moving the pictures outdoors to accommodate his ocean of grandchildren – every photo with at least one screaming baby or silly face. These photos were always a matter of stacking as many kids on top of each other as possible while still seeing everyone’s face. We would pile in to build a photographic monument to the man who started our enormous family – a monument, which if attempted today, might be visible from space. Next time we take a family photo, we ought to hire a landscape photographer or the Hubble space telescope.

His life was joyful and fruitful, which was apparent even in his last days. He serves as a powerful witness to the blessing of family – he was well cared for in his illness and in his death. Not only were his children with him daily, they are with each other daily, supporting and enjoying one another. It is difficult to fathom a “culture of death” in a family like this. Though he is no longer with us in this world, his influence is widespread, and will continue to spread through the legacy of his 8 children, 29 grandchildren, 6 great-grandchildren, and all of his other friends and relatives, whose lives he has touched deeply. He took his last breath early in the morning of July 4, 2011 surrounded by his wife and 8 children.

In John chapter 6, Christ defends his presence in the Eucharist, stating, “I am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread will live forever.” Grandpa showed his commitment to the Eucharist throughout his life – even helping to institute perpetual adoration at St. John Vianney and spending time in adoration during the early morning shifts. My distaste for waking up before 8 am seems all the more frivolous in light of his devotion to time spent in adoration of the Eucharist.

On Sunday his youngest child read him the readings from Mass, which were beautifully fitting for his last day of life. In the second reading, Paul wrote to the Romans, "for if you live according to the flesh, you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live," and at the end of the Gospel reading from Matthew, Christ says, "come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light."

Aunt Char and Grandpa at our wedding reception in 2007

When we finished the readings, my Aunt Char said "Those are for you, Daddy," and he made a sound of acknowledgment. I will think of that moment every time I hear those verses in Handel's Messiah.

Human Tendencies: Order

2011-06-13T14:10:00.000-05:00

As I stated in my previous post, I'm spending some time reflecting on the ways we as parents can better understand our children and better provide for their development by knowing their innate human tendencies. These tendencies - exploration, orientation, order, communication, abstraction/imagination, exactness, repetition, self-perfection, self control, control of error, and purposeful activity/work - are observable in everything our children do. Perhaps I will not notice every single tendency at work each time I watch my child, but I'll tell you, without reservation, that in watching our children we can always observe varied levels of subtlety of these basic internal drives.

Order enables us to put things into relationships, and in this sense, it is neither rigid nor compulsory. Montessori observed a characteristic of children through the age of six called the "Absorbent Mind." With this power, available only in those first six years, children take everything in fully and without discrimination (as a picture developed on film). As children take in the external "order" of their worlds with their wholly absorbent and indiscriminate minds, they begin to develop their own internal orders based on their experience with the world around them. Physical order leads to mental order. External order is not limited to the arrangement of a space or tidiness, but also includes sequencing (a logical sequence preferable). Order also relates to the child's communication, as each language has its own particular order - think of how silly the literal translation of Spanish to English can sound because of the internalized order of our language... "the shirt blue" instead of "the blue shirt."

Not only is each child born with a tendency for order, but also between the ages of six months and five years, children are in a sensitive period for the development of order. Montessori observed that during periods of sensitivity, a person more fully, clearly, and perfectly acquires the object of sensitivity through an irresistible impulse for a selective activity. So during this period, children are passionate about the ordering of the world around them, and they can be almost ritualistic in their love of the order of routine. This love of order is deeply connected to the child's sense of security, comfort, and stability. During this time of sensitivity it is important for children to find consistency in their environment, in their daily activity, in their routines, and (equally importantly) in the rules for their freedom and limitations (for what is and is not acceptable).

"So that's a heck of a lot of theory, Renee," you might be thinking, "and my child is in no way 'orderly'... you can come and observe it for yourself, you crazy philosopher!" Rest assured, I hear where you are coming from, and now I do have some practical ideas for fostering this tendency for order.

Because they are drawing from the external environment to construct their internal order, the environment is one of the best starting points for helping our children toward a clear internal order. Consider for a moment, that an extremely orderly/organized system to an adult, can appear to be a chaotic mess to a child. For the most clear example of this, think about a toy box. Imagine opening the lid and looking in - or take a moment and walk over to a toy box to actually look in. What do you see? Toys. Yes, good start. As an adult having toys all in one place is the accomplishment to end all accomplishments! But now consider what your child's life consists of... (a heck of a lot of toys, right?).

Now humor me, and think about what your life consists of... (hair-care regiments, bills, work papers, kitchen utensils, laundry, gardening tools, CD collections, books, clothes, hobbies, that spare bedroom full of stuff, all of your kids toys). Now, for the sake of this exercise, throw all of those things into a box... all of them... bills, hair products, pots and pans, formal wear, your iPad, that vase you got for your wedding, gardening gear... all of it. What do you see in the box? It's ok, step out for some fresh air, dab the sweat from your forehead... this is just an exercise... perhaps a very uncomfortable one, depending on how orderly you are. Now imagine what your child sees when they look into the toy box - chaos, their very distinct toys and activities (their livelihood) junked into a box. I just had a flashback to my high school bedroom during that exercise!

I know, you're thinking, "But, Renee, it is so much easier to throw my kids toys into one box when I clean up at the end of the day or before our guests arrive at our house." My response: "You have to clean up after your kids?" I jest. My life involves some cleaning up after my kid (and I only have one that is mobile, so I can feel your eye lasers, mothers of more than one mobile child! I'll be joining you very soon). When everything is in a jumble there is no inherent motivation for order - it all just gets heaped in and the bottom layer becomes visual noise for the higher layers and it can become impossible to see any one thing in the jumble. So, now we're going to play WWMD (What would Montessori do?).

Use open shelving within the children's reach. Choose a simple shelf that can serve as a relatively neutral backdrop to your child's toys and activities. (suggestions for that big box in a moment)
Weed through your child's toys. Is it appropriate for her age? Is it in good repair? Get rid of things that are neither, or put things away that will be used by another child down the road. Another (personal) criteria that I use in weeding, is that anything that makes noise that I cannot stand is a goner... I supplement the need for music with real music and real musical instruments that do not enrage me with their nuisance... sometimes I just remove batteries if a toy serves another non-annoying function. If you are not annoyed by your child's toys, keep them and do not tell anyone that I told you that you "have to" get rid of them - that's not how I roll... these are suggestions for order, not orders.
Before you put any of the age-appropriate toys in-good-repair on the shelf, think about what your child actually plays with. By "actually plays with," I mean spends time using as it is intended - not just picking it up and tossing it aside to get to the next thing. This step will require a little observation, and is more of a process than a "do it, did it, done" type of step.
The younger the child, the fewer things should be accessible at any time (for 2 and 3-yr-olds, a good rule is no more than 3 items per shelf). Begin putting the bare essential minimum of things that she loves and uses daily on the shelf (maybe the train set in its own special container, a puzzle, and a favorite truck). Observe to see how this changes the way your child plays - my prediction is that your child will spend more focused time with the few activities she loves.
Keep the excess toys in a place that you can get to them to rotate with the ones on the shelf. As your child stops playing with one toy, remove it and offer something new. Maybe use the former toy-box for this purpose in a closet or in a different room.
Group similar things together (just like you separate your hair products from your kitchen utensils). Baskets of similar things are a great way to offer a variety of things in an orderly way. We have a basket full of percussion instruments on the living room shelf, a tray of cars on the kitchen shelf, and a tray with a few dinosaur cards on Dominic's bedroom shelf. Don't overcrowd with too many of the same type of thing (one or two puzzles at a time). If you have to stack it, simplify it, and use the rotation strategy. A note about containers - if your child cannot see into it, she will likely ignore it altogether, so use shallow/open baskets and trays that easily reveal their contents.
Have a specific place on the shelf for each thing - and STICK TO IT. Because they are so sensitive to order, they may struggle to clean up if they do not know exactly where to return a toy or activity. Your child will begin to internalize this order and might spontaneously clean up without you asking - or at least begin to restore order when prompted and assisted. There is also inherent motivation for order when the shelves are sparse, clean, and simple.
Keep observing and adapting to your child's needs and interests.

Using a system that is clear and simple will make your life easier (less stuff on the shelf = less stuff to make a mess that you have to clean up). It will also provide an opportunity for your child to internalize an external system of order and help maintain the external order of his space. This may take some time, because he has internalized the prior system for cleaning or not cleaning or for mistreating toys. When my house begins to look like a toy explosion, I step back to reevaluate what is going on - is there a space for everything, does Dominic know that space, are we being consistent with our rules for cleaning up and using toys correctly, does he have an appropriate space to play with xyz toy?

If things are being misused or mistreated, remove them immediately as the offense is happening. Explain or show the correct way to use the item and let the child know that it will return when she is ready to use it the right way (young children do not respond well to lectures, so use concise and clear language: "The blocks are for building. You are throwing the blocks. I am going to put the blocks in a safe place until you are ready to build with the blocks." Then do exactly that - no giving in to pouting or tantrums - just assure your child that the toy will return, and try to direct the child to something else.) Keep the toy put away for a few days, and when you are ready to try again, ask the child if he is interested to try xyz toy again; state or show the right way to use it when you bring it back out to the shelf. Be consistent and remove it again if the same offense continues - for a very young child, a redirection may be effective instead of removing the blocks each time a block is thrown, for instance, "you are throwing blocks. blocks are for building. balls are for throwing. where is a ball?" Children feel secure knowing that you are saying things that you mean, and that you will help them when they need it. It also reinforces their sense of order to experience consistency - even when it is consistency that leads to the toys being removed from the shelf.

At one point we removed all of Dominic's toys one evening before bed. He was having a tantrum and refusing to put anything away (even with Ryan and I doing all of the cleaning - he would not pick up a single item), this was the culmination of several days of willy nilly cleaning up and lackadaisical reinforcement of our rule for cleaning up after ourselves. We put the toys away on a high shelf in his closet, leaving his toy shelf bare except for his lamp. The following day we returned one toy and reminded him to put it away as he finished. The following day we added another toy, and continued reminding him of our rules. Eventually all of his toys were returned to his shelf and he returned to the habit of putting each activity away as he finished it. He was probably about 18 months old. He was not miserable when he had limited toys, and quite the contrary, he was more successful with the skill we were trying to emphasize (cleaning up) because he was able to better focus on that task with fewer items to manage. Often children struggle to meet our standards because we are giving them too much all at once and then we give up entirely, thinking that they just cannot do it, or that they are too young.

I'd like to remind my readers that my certification is for children 3-6 years old, and my studies beyond that age range are more heavily focused in the first three years of life. While these young children are in a formative stage for order, children older than six have a higher propensity for clutter (is that the right word?), meaning they can more easily navigate more complex organizational systems by reading labels on boxes or understanding larger groupings. A child of this age could also be extremely helpful in designing a system for keeping her toys orderly if asked good questions to lead her toward a system - what things do you need to get to often, what toys do you play with less frequently, etc. For instance, an art box might be plenty organized for an elementary student - to find pastels, pencils, paints, glue, scissors, etc. in one container possibly further divided into baggies or smaller boxes. This would be hugely disorderly for a child under six. Likewise, rather than having one small lego activity on a shelf (which would be appropriate for a child under six), an older child would be better equipped to manage a large container of several distinct lego activities with the instruction booklets available to easily find the handful of pieces needed for this or that star wars vehicle construction project.

What systems do you guys find helpful? Have you noticed any signs of your child's sense of order? Is there anything particular that is totally boggling you?

Human Tendencies: Exploration

2011-06-10T17:07:00.000-05:00

Maria Montessori observed over the course of her life's work that children in every culture and in every time exhibit basic human tendencies. These tendencies are for exploration, orientation, order, communication, abstraction/immagination, exactness, repetition, self-perfection, self-control, control of error, work/purposeful activity, and movement. If you take a moment (or 20 minutes) to observe a child it is impossible not to see one of these tendencies in action. Perhaps you will say, "what? Order? Self-control? WORK?! Renee, you've never met my child." In this series I hope to give some insight into the most basic driving tendencies of childhood that help our children adapt to their time and place as well as ways to foster our children's development by utilizing these innate tendencies.

Exploration is a tendency our "helicopter" generation of parents is likely stifling. Initially this tendency would have been necessary for survival - to explore the environment for food, to seek shelter, to find water. With basic needs met, the child can explore for the sake of exploration rather than for the sake of survival.

Exploration, of course, lends itself to discovery. Within the house, discovery of the cookies on the highest shelf behind a wall of non-cookie items or discovery of the sharpie that was left within reach. Outdoors, the range of discovery is boundless. The cooler temperature of the shade trees, the insects that live under stones and boards, the movement of the wind in the trees, the changing of the seasons, the life cycle of plants in a garden, birds, sticks, pebbles, rain... boundless discoveries, I'm telling you. I've never noticed any boredom in children who are allowed to freely explore outdoors!

Exploration is both deeply satisfying and deeply enriching. With summer upon us, here are some considerations for allowing your child space to explore outdoors:

A safe area that can be "supervised" from a distance. Other tendencies (self-perfection, exactness, control of error) will help your child to largely self-regulate in regards to his own safety. I am not saying put the kid outside and go take a bubble bath with your martini - although that seemed to work fine for my grandmother's generation of parents! Be close enough without being an interruption - become a part of the furniture, as Montessori might say.
A rich environment to explore. A gated expanse of concrete would hardly offer much opportunity for exploration. Consider elements that will appeal to all the senses.

For the auditory sense, helicopters/planes, trains, the nearby high school band practices (for you fellow urbanites), birds, rustling leaves, wind chimes, running water, etc.
For the gustatory sense (taste), an herb garden with a variety of flavors to sample and fruiting trees and vines to get a simple snack. Of course, you should present these to your child, so he is not eating poisonous leaves/berries/etc - show him the specific plants and how to identify them; it may be helpful to have a clearly delineated herb container/garden.
For the visual sense, varieties of trees and flowers, bird and butterfly habitat, flowing water, perhaps a fish pond or some backyard animals, a "bug box" to allow a closer look at insects, snakes, frogs, and lizards (as a temporary observational tool... not as a permanent "pet" habitat).
For the olfactory sense (smell) flowers, herbs and compost.
For the tactile sense, a variety of textures of leaves, sticks, gravel, sand, soil, water, flowers, etc. The opportunity to go barefoot enhances tactile awareness as well.

Finally, give the children a little space to just be - did I already mention that... it can use more than one mention. Don't get fussy about getting "dirty" or playing with sticks or crawling under shrubs.

In a later post I will offer more bountiful ideas for "purposeful activity" or "work," but the tendency I'm focusing on is related more to a richness of surroundings and freedom to meander.

That said, purposeful activity is an excellent opportunity for observing this (and all of the) tendencies. Consider a watercolor painting - the first attempt is almost certainly ends in a shredded, sopping wet, sheet of grey-brown paper. As the child explores the activity, she may discover that subtle and light colors can be achieved with more water and less paint, or that rich bold colors often require far less water. She might explore possibilities for brush stroke - fluid strokes or staccato taps of the brush to the paper. She may discover that her yellow flower turned orange when she added a red center! She may discover that her sopping wet painting from yesterday is now a permanent part of the wooden table she left it on to dry - or that she can only successfully lift a painting that has not become wet enough to soak through to the table - or that the paint runs when she lifts the painting immediately. Other tendencies are certainly at work in this process - repetition of the activity, order of the steps for painting, control of error in realizing the outcome was more of a wet pulp than a painting, self-perfection in noticing (self-perceived) imperfections and working toward improvement on the next try, self-control in physically mastering the strokes and steps. Some of these things will simply not come to fruition if the exploration is blocked.

Allowing a child to experience these things - some exciting, some frustrating, some beautiful, some dare-I-say ugly to the adult eye - is a far greater opportunity for learning and development than a parent-child lecture about "how to draw a flower" or grabbing the child's hand and directing it from the water jar to the paint cake to the paper to the water jar. Would it be easier, cleaner, "prettier," on the first try for you to do it for your child? Almost certainly. Will the satisfaction and wonderment be that much greater when she discovers independently the technique that works best for her after multiple attempts and repeated striving? Absolutely.

Little boys...

2011-05-02T16:33:00.000-05:00

I can barely put my own hair into a pony tail. I am often asked if we'll "try again for a girl," as though my family is incomplete without a daughter or as though Liam was just an attempt to have a daughter. I won't set a child quota by any means, nor will I say that I would not be happy to have a little girl. What I will say, is that I LOVE my little boys. I love my little brothers (some of whom are quite big now). I love their adventurous spirit, I love their fondness for sticks and pebbles, I love their funny faces, I love their joy in the noises of the human body, I love their fascination with hats made of rodent skins, I love their excitement to point out helicopters and excavators, I love that I could keep listing things that I love about them ad infinitum.

Here are some of my favorite little boy moments lately (in the past 6ish months). Forgive my amateur point-n-shoot photography... at least it isn't a massive text-only manifesto! (you can thank the writer's block)

Helping...

Napping...

Shushing...

Winding...

Marveling...

Knowing what "Manger" means and arranging the nativity appropriately...

Off-roading...

Reveling wearing a racoon-skin cap (the whole coon)...

Robot-ing (bobot, in toddler speak)...

Sampling...

Sleeping like big brother...

Kissing...

Goofing...

Playing with sticks...

Snuggling...

Who knows!

Crashing...

Exploring (and making family portraits difficult and better at the same time)

Captivating...

Loving...

Observing...

Loving some more...

I love these little boys so much!

Vows

2011-04-30T00:18:00.000-05:00

While scanning through several drafts of posts that were neither finished nor published (nor revisited in many cases), I came across one that seemed fitting on the day of the ***** *******. I'll be honest that I hadn't given it (the r**** w******) much thought until I was invited to watch it at a BFF's house. We did a lot of fast-forwarding, and rewinding (marvelous hats!), and eye-rolling, and giggling, and chatting. (She even wore her wedding gown, which is one of my all-time favorites, and I wore my wedding shoes and tiara with a bridesmaid dress and remembered why they are generally one-time-wears)

Back in January I recorded the following observation about wedding vows - the two sentences that I will never forget. These were my thoughts:

"This has brought me to tears as my husband and I (3 years married, 11 years of friendship) are nearing the end of some serious financial and emotional hardship involving his suspension from work and my pregnancy with our second son (7 weeks old) as our toddler has just turned 2 years old. On the Feast of the Holy Family we went to mass at a local hospital because we knew it would only take 30 minutes (the best option is the fast option after a rough night with both of our children). Ryan had to leave the short mass almost immediately because our toddler started having a screaming tantrum, and I was standing alone rocking the newborn without any view of the sanctuary from behind a column in the hospital chapel. It was not pleasant, and it was not what I expected of mass 'as a family.'

Before the homily, the priest called all the married couples to come up to the altar to renew their wedding vows. I stood behind the column alone with my bobble-headed newborn as the short narrow aisle to the tiny chapel filled with married couples of all ages. I was a little peeved that we would not be able to participate in this sentimental exercise. I don't have many bible verses or poems memorized, I could count them on my fingers, but my vows are burned in my mind. I remember before our wedding that my dad told us not to have the priest recite for us to repeat, but rather to just remember them. He recited the vows that he has known and lived for the past 29 years to prove how simple and possible it is to remember such an important statement, and he is neither a nerd nor a romantic! (he's a golfer)

As the priest asked everyone to repeat after him, I recalled my vows silently behind that column, and it was a beautiful reminder of our commitment and of nostalgia for our wedding day.

Shortly after the vow renewal a young boy (about 8 years old) came over and offered me his seat, which was a beautiful reminder that my family will get there. The boys will grow up, and we will be able to go to mass together again without raising hell or hunting down the quickest mass in town. There are still chivalrous men raising chivalrous boys in this world that seems to totally reject the values of respect and charity - women should ALWAYS take a seat offered by a boy to give the feedback that he is doing the right and manly thing and that women notice and appreciate the respect of men. Even though I'm sometimes standing alone bouncing a squirmy baby, my other half is with me in spirit wrestling a disgruntled toddler."

The vows are in no way deceptive. The vows are clear that there will be ups and downs. There will be ease and there will be struggle. There will be surf'n'turf and there will be rice'n'beans. The choice is one that will last a lifetime of sunshine and storms. The bond of marriage is for the blissful and care-free honeymoon and for the sleep-deprivation of early parenthood, the date-nights and the bill payments, the giggles and the sobs.

I, Renee, take you, Ryan, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health; I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

Cheers, to the days that end with kazoo fanfares and raining petals!

Yard Funk...

2011-04-27T13:48:00.001-05:00

Unstrap one side of your overalls and come on over now, y'hear? Oh, and feel free to leave your shoes and your teeth at home for this one.

You are probably certain that someone has maliciously overtaken my blog, but you are wrong. It is Redneck Yard Link-Up time over at The Borrowed Abode. Would you believe me if I told you that these pictures are an improvement?

I'll begin with the not-terribly-horrifying "big picture." Check out that peaceful hammock, while ignoring the diapers on the line!

And now I'll bring you along for the redneck tour... got yer gingham crop top and braided pigtails ready?

Here is our sliding screen door, still taped up from Hurricane Ike (2008) and the foundation repair (2009)... it keeps the critters out and distracts you from the filthy screen!

Feast your eyes on this spectacular patch-job from our foundation repair... you'd never know that they dug a hole there wouldja? Oh, except that the patches don't match and it has elevated parts of the patio 4-6 inches?

Hows about the veggie garden? Sorry, St. Francis, I won't tag you in the pics, and maybe I'll finish cleaning up in the next few years. (note the ant-infested half-bag of soil at the top left, two rolls of chicken wire, a roll of weed-blocking tarp, curling ribbon garden grid, piles of sticks to attract a bug-control-patrole of anoles, and patchy growth of crops due to squirrel "seed reassignment" and hapless digging. oh, and check out our only "functional" hose that is a soaker and requires being strategically coiled around the top of the garden to disburse the water... and which I have to hop the fence to turn on and off at the delightfully "weatherproofed" spigot)

...this delightfully "weatherproofed" spigot)

Did anyone else notice the TWO seen-better-days swing sets? While we are thoroughly appreciative of the 1. donation of the "tree house" set, and 2. the labor it took to get it to our house by my marvelous in-laws, I don't think anyone would argue that it could use some... ahem... safety upgrades... and aesthetic enhancements. Oh, and that's where we do most of our recycling... in case you were wondering... no, wait, that's the bin we jimmy-rigged with a garbage bag for Ryan to pull the weeds.

See that dangling partial rope? The squirrels chewed it from the ground up to its current length... I don't foresee it helping any kids climb up the "rock wall" ladder.

Oh, that old thing? It's our home-made porch swing frame (?) we inherited it from the previous owners, and we are thankful that Hurricane Ike rid the frame of the former PVC pipe and scrap-wood "porch swing" that used to hang from it... I love me some DIY previous owners! I'm always a little bit offended when people ask me if I built that frame... seriously friends? I had an art concentration in college! Oh... now I get it.

What are those holding up? Why, the invisible loquat tree that died last winter (2009-2010) that we chopped down this February(2011).

Oh wait, the loquat tree isn't invisible, it is in a heap by the shed and our cinder block pile...

... our stealthily possum-proofed shed, I might add! The former owners were very proud of that fact. Pay no mind to those two measly tile fragments...

Because, BEHOLD! We have a collection of marble tile scraps! Be still your redneck hearts! They are carefully guarded by the curb-side-salvaged zebra who has patiently awaited a fresh coat of bright and bold spraypaint (I think we picked him up over a year ago... and by we, I mean I forced Ryan to stop and be embarrassed while I excitedly skipped to the curb and stealthily put this little fellow in my trunk). Don't mind the filthy pollen-covered shirt... we're keeping it there incase it freezes again this summer ...in Houston.

We also keep a collection of boards on hand in case a hurricane comes through again...

I'm guessing something used to hang from the Pecan tree?

It takes hard work and dedication (read laziness) to attain "bushes" this forest-like! Oh look! My lime green curling ribbon (in the sunny spot under the "bush")!

Here's the remainder of our third crop of weeds this year; I had to stop Ryan from destroying any more evidence of our weed garden: supposedly you can eat/use every part of a dandelion... weed salad anyone? weed tea? Get your minds out of the smoke shop.

Check out our lovely randomly painted bricks, they are ever-so coordinated with our nautical color scheme. We (the previous owners) painted those to try to disguise our kiddie pool that has missed the truck on no less than 5 HEAVY TRASH PICK-UPS since last summer - I guess we'll be scrubbing it out and using it again this summer! While the kiddie pool missed the pick up at our house, the colorful table missed the pick-up at someone else' because I snagged it and the broken leg to try to salvage it for my little band of babies. Oh, and ignore that patio set that Ryan's been begging me to trash for no less than two years now (we have a matching one in the shed, too!!) I bet you were too busy looking at our marble scrap collection to notice, though, weren't you?

Fence-post tree bench, anyone? What better spot to store squirrel-proofed plant pots?! With squirrel trees growing in them... some effective squirrel proofing job!

You're just in time for the biker rally for up-and-coming Hell's Satans members (Simpson's? anyone?)... it's a pretty hardcore baby bike gang that meets at our house regularly and parks its vehicles willy nilly. Just last week I picked up that sweet vinyl ottoman, that I thought would be a cool footrest while lounging barefoot and toothless on the patio with my biker babies and an ice cold bud light (redneck points).

It doesn't get any more redneck than hay-stuffed trash-picked outdoor ottomans... well, maybe it does if you sit on it wearing jorts (jean-shorts... jorts).

Yap, I hooked up that thar antennuh to the chimney and ran some extra wire through the wall so we can plug the TV in right next to the fire place and right in front of the sliding door. Not. That's another unfortunate inheritance from the previous owners. I dig the resourceful coiling of the excess wire and the fancy mismatched spot lights they hooked up for us, too! (this photo does not do the size of the antenna justice... it communicates with aliens in other galaxies...massive)

Oh, and the two-year-old likes to take our vacuum tubing everywhere (he clearly doesn't get that from my side of the gene pool!)... he clearly doesn't have enough toys either. ...and it wouldn't be redneck without some bare unpainted toes!

And because you probably thought we were keeping some skeletons in our closet... here's our fabulous FRONT YARD! Check out the yellow patches which are probably indicative of a chinch bug problem, the TWO funky light fixtures, the rubble garden that is left over from the great foundation repair of 2009. That carefully pruned stick was an orchid tree before the freeze this winter, and you can see all of its baby orchid trees growing up around it. This is the second year in a row that we've killed that poor little tree.

For the record, when I lay in the hammock I can only see the leaves up above or the cute kid I'm snuggling, which makes it temporarily easy to forget that I should be busting hump to get this yard in shape! See what I mean? (ok, I haven't posted this for three days because my computer won't recognize my phone to upload this video... hop over to my facebook videos to see what I'm talking about... the kid in the tuxedo onesie, who definitely likes to party, smiling and cooing is what I am referring to... redneck points for tuxedo onesie? I'll work on posting that video later).

I really hope this redneck yard post wins me a sweet prize to help fix this bidness up. (end-of-sentence preposition!! bonus redneck points!)

Redneck references brought to you by my Texan heritage. Remember the Alamo, y'all.

Extra Stuff

2011-04-21T23:57:00.005-05:00

As I was reading a blog (surprise), a statement popped out at me, and encouraged me to revisit the amount of "stuff" Dominic has immediately available to him. It also led me to think about how successful and independent he is outside in our backyard because of the carefully selected and greatly limited "things" to do. Here's the quote that stood out: "one easy way that families could make things easier for themselves is to cut down on the 'stuff' and really focus on what activities seem to be attractive to their child at any given time," and here's a link to the blog I was reading. It really stood out because of how true it is at our house, and how crazy I get at home when it seems like he is just running from mess to mess (which has been the case lately).

The other day I put away a few random toys and activities that had just been sitting around being clutter, and in my rushing around, I left out my bucket full of clothespins from hanging out the diapers. Later in the evening after realizing that things were "too quiet" and worrying that I might have lipstick - or worse, sharpie - colored on my hallway walls, I found Dominic "working" on clipping each clothespin to the lip of the bucket. He painstakingly opened each clip, moved the clips to make room for the next one along the lip, adjusted and re-adjusted the way he gripped the clip to get it on the bucket, and was outright and painstakingly concentrating on this "work." While I think this is an activity often utilized in Montessori classrooms, he discovered this motivation on his own, and set out to complete it without any external guidance from me or Ryan. In fact, I think he noticed it because all the other junk was cleared away, and I think he stuck with it because he was not interrupted by us even when we noticed that it was a little past bedtime.

Another instance of beautiful concentration was at his cousin, Elizabeth's, birthday party over the past weekend. While closely observed by adults, the children were hesitant to play and interact, but as the party wore on and the adults found themselves engaged in chatting and eating, the children found so much to do outside in the sandbox with the sand toys, climbing the tree house and sliding down the slide, bouncing in the moonwalk, and coloring with sidewalk chalk. At times they played together, and at times they spread out to work on individual activities, but the most amazing part was that they required little to no adult intervention while they were playing outside. It was a lovely example of Montessori's observation of the inherent desires to be profitably occupied, to have independence, and to have community.

And another cool giveaway!!

2011-04-07T21:47:00.000-05:00

Check out this sweet giveaway of some really wicked bling for my bod and my kitchen! I love red to go with my blue kitchen!

Funky Vintage Kitchen Blog... Check it out!

Visit Nester for several sweet giveaways!

Balancing Act

2011-04-07T21:25:00.000-05:00

Inspired by the chance to get an extra entry in THIS GIVEAWAY, I thought I'd share a character flaw that nags me about myself (is that redundant?). The Reluctant Entertainer poses the questions: "what is it about hospitality or entertaining that bogs you down? Also, do you think your personality type affects your hospitality/entertaining style? "

I LOVE to have people over. L. O. V. E. love it! I love my family, I love my friends, I love food and drinks, I love chatting, I love spontaneous dance parties, I love playing games, I love using my wedding china, I love using my everyday dishes, I love using fancy wine gadgets, I love doing crafty things, I love cooking for people (if you can read, you can cook. plain and simple), I love decorating, I love serving others, I love belly-laughing, I love tackling little house projects, I love having a clean house (though you might not guess it if you took a snapshot of my house at this moment... which leads to that character flaw that I'm half-way hoping you've forgotten I mentioned).

I am lame at keeping the house clean because I am a PROCRASTINATOR! Why do now what you could save for later? Anybody with me? Why would I put away the glass when I finish drinking my water when I'll probably have another drink sometime before the end of the day? Anybody? Anybody? Why put away the sewing machine when I will probably sew something again before 2012?
Bueller.... Bueller... Bueller... ? Anybody? Nobody?

This is a flaw that my Ryan has to the absolute opposite extreme. It takes forever to do a project because every time a particle falls to the floor he busts out the vacuum, then puts the vacuum away, then another particle falls to the floor, then he busts out the vacuum, then he puts the vacuum away, then another particle falls to the floor... you get it. While that is an exaggeration, it is not an exaggeration to say that he will walk outside to throw each piece of garbage away individually right when it surfaces, in lieu of putting it all in a pile to throw away in one trip.

Between the two of us, we are terribly inefficient! I guess you could say we balance each other perfectly... you know... if you put us on one of those science classroom scales. Unfortunately we really rub each other the wrong way in our unique processes of getting stuff done... he is constantly cleaning up after me, and I'm constantly aggravated that the thing I'm looking for that I put in a very specific place has been moved.

I'm going to guess these tendencies come from our upbringings... Ryan's mom (the queen of entertaining, in my eyes) will have all the food for the party prepared (or at least prepped for cooking) days in advance, and the day of the party she gets it all pulled together on a specific timetable with no detail overlooked and is dressed and ready before the first guest turns onto her block! My dad will know the time of a party (and be reminded every day up to the party about the time of the party), and, like clockwork, he will hop onto his lawn-mowing-tractor an hour before the guests are scheduled to arrive, get off the tractor after the third guest has arrived (sweaty, covered in yard clippings, and smelling like swamp), then he will shower, change, and arrive at the party at his own house after most of the guests have arrived (maybe most is an exaggeration with a family of our size... lets say after the first 7 guests have arrived). This is just an example of the polarity of our opposite-ness and a generalization (albeit pretty accurate by my observations).

So these tendencies leave us scrambling when guests are about to arrive. We have a lot to work through. Want to come over for dinner so we can get some semblance of order in our communal spaces?

Observation

2011-03-28T20:58:00.001-05:00

Maria Montessori based her life's work on observation. She was a scientist and physician first and foremost. When she was assigned to find out what was "wrong" with the children in the government projects of the San Lorenzo district in Rome, she discovered through her observation that the only thing wrong was the environment and the lack of guidance from a prepared adult. She offered practical life lessons (sweeping, preparing food, flower arranging) and the once-destructive children began to maintain their environment. The children even began to bring to their apartments a small flower arrangement. The parents of these "problem children" took notice and asked Dr. Montessori if she would teach them to read. She was not trained to be an educator, but told the parents that she would try it. She saw in the children a need to work with their hands, a need for order, a need for respect, and a need for self-control, which brought about the activities of practical life, and she began to observe the children to discover their innate abilities in academic subjects, developing a holistic curriculum that is now celebrated across the globe.

Over the past week I have been working on my student teaching in a Montessori classroom, and I am so often reminded of how natural school can be for children in a carefully prepared environment with the assistance of thoughtfully prepared adults. I've observed conflicts resolved, spills cleaned, gentle encouragement in academic areas, genuine concern for hurt feelings, loads of hard work on subjects as varied as buttoning one's own shirt (3 yr old) to tireless work with the addition strip board (5 yr old). Not only have I observed these things, but I've observed them happening without the intervention of adults. There is certainly intervention by adults happening in the environment at times, but I've noticed each of those things in the daily independent or group work of the children. These things are discussed in training, but many of them struck me as utopian and unlikely. I could not have asked for a better opportunity to peek into the daily life of one classroom and to work one-on-one with these children who are making the theory a reality for me. My mind is enlightened and my heart is filled when I am in the company of such beautiful and underestimated beings who are flourishing in their daily work and play. I am grateful and humbled.

Ex Cathedra

2011-03-26T12:40:00.000-05:00

To speak Ex Cathedra is to speak with authority derived from one's position; it literally translates to "from the chair". When the city's mayor speaks about matters involving city employees, she is assumed to be speaking ex cathedra by all of the citizens who hear her speak. As Mayor Parker continues to bully my husband and two other firefighters who were suspended on false allegations of writing or allowing a racial slur to be submitted in a patient record, the citizens believe that she must be speaking based on factual evidence relating to the matter.

Truth be told, that unless she has read it in the last two weeks, she has not read the arbitrator's ruling, nor has she read the transcript of the arbitration hearing. She admitted this to the union president in a meeting with him. The Chief responsible for the firing said 25 times in the hearing that he "cannot honestly say that any of the three did it" (and 24 other variations of that phrase... 25 times!! I'm stupefied by that!). The city's legal staff admitted that they have no evidence to prove that any of the men are guilty of writing or allowing the phrase to be entered. The investigator admitted that he did not investigate any other possibilities, repeating throughout the hearing "I don't know, I didn't look into that." To speak with authority on a matter such as this, a matter that has ruined the good names of three men with a permanent shadow of doubt, one would hope that the speaker has done at least the minimum of research on the matter or that she understands the gravity of her claims.

The only conclusion I can muster about why she would speak publicly against these men, is that there is no consequence to her. She does not have to back up her claims with her own money, and instead spends taxpayer dollars to continue bullying us (even during a major budget crisis in our city with layoffs left and right). It seems that she is avoiding direct communication with us (after many e-mails from many of us) because she is too cowardly to stand by her own word. I am still happy to meet and discuss this with her, and have even mentioned my willingness in each of the e-mails I've sent. I also find the phrase that was in the patient record to be terribly unprofessional and in poor taste - I wish the author would stop being a coward and admit to it. I'll also say that I find it in poor taste to uphold an assumption that is found to be inaccurate especially if it is a matter of selfish image bolstering.

Musings on Motherhood

2011-03-14T01:33:00.000-05:00

I drank one too many caffeinated beverages tonight, and I am now sitting awake stalking the Facebook newsfeed... I'm hitting refresh every 3 seconds... I can feel my blood running in my veins. The upside: I'm clearly "over" my caffeine addiction if I feel this way after only 2 sodas.

In an attempt to keep things fresh and funky. Funky fresh, if you will. I plan to start typing here more often, even if it means it is totally rambly, ranty, ridiculous, raucous, rumpus, r-words! This evening while ~~stalking facebook~~ catching up with friends, I found myself reminiscing about the early days of motherhood, and felt I should share those thoughts with a broader audience (ahem, 200+ pageviews a month for the past 6 months! Blog visited from 4 continents last month... cah-ray-zee)

In the early days of motherhood...

I thought my brain was going to explode from sleep deprivation and sensory overload and that my heart was going to explode because I couldn't sleep because I just wanted to stay up and love Dominic with my whole self while fully awake.
I sometimes went to IKEA just to have some human interaction beyond interaction with a fully dependent baby - sometimes ordering and eating a 50 cent hot dog felt like the most thrilling part of my day.
Some days I could not stop myself from crying because I was so happy. I worried Ryan alot in the first weeks, because I was happy to the point of crying a lot.
There were times that I just wanted to sleep another 5 minutes (but that was nothing new for me... I've had those times since I was born!).
I am still overwhelmed by how helpful Ryan is with baby duties.
Single parents amaze me, and they deserve to be on the front of every issue of TIME magazine. Period. I cannot even fathom the sacrifice it takes to be a single mother, and at the same time I have a pretty good idea.
Ryan's love for our sons is a constant reminder that I married the right man. I knew he'd be a great daddy before we were married, but he has exceeded that expectation since we became parents.
I totally forgot about the misery that was my pregnancies and turned all of that nauseous energy into snuggly-kissy energy.

As things started getting normal...

I was surprised by how natural motherhood was and continues to be. I'll admit that I did very little reading about "how to be a mom," the reading I did seemed totally crazy.
I learned within a couple hours of giving birth that sometimes doctors and nurses are just plain nuts. "You want me to wake my sleeping baby to feed him? Don't you think he'll wake up when he is hungry? I've heard that they are born with a drive to live... which seems to indicate that they will not starve themselves... I'll wake him up if he goes 6 hours without eating or stirring, otherwise, I'm going to have to ask you to leave my room if you think waking a sleeping baby is a good idea." (that was a thought that I conveyed by smiling and nodding at the nurses and doctors who gave that type of INSANE advice... you know, since my child was healthy at birth... had he been in the NICU, I might have had a little compassion for those doctors and nurses) Sometimes doctors and nurses are still nuts, and I will confide here that my children are fine, grow normally, are developing on a normal course, and I have never woken them up to feed them... they let me know when they are hungry.
What? How did I ever get peed on in those first weeks? Changing diapers is so fast and easy!
I started to wonder why people were shocked that I was ALREADY getting out of the house.
The baby's own unfolding captivated me; I realized that providing a safe and appropriate environment is all they need! (and a booby when they're hungry)
The Babies'R'Us gift registry list looked more like a hilarious joke than a list of necessities... a swing, bouncer, bumbo, exersaucer, AND playmat? Haha, that still kind of tickles me. We have a playmat. Only a playmat. Sometimes we use a bouncer or swing at my parents' house, but they are hardly necessities. Sometimes I think a cardboard box would have been just as effective as a playmat... save your money and avoid the pressure to succumb to all of those money draining "necessities"... remember, BRU is in the business of making money off of your insecurity about being a parent (particularly in the registry department). I'll try to stop telling you what to do now.
I started giving "mom advice" totally unsolicited, which helped me to feel a little more empathetic to the moms who gave me that unsolicited advice, and made me feel hopeful that my friends will forgive me for "being an expert"... at everything. Really, though, sorry; I will practice biting my tongue.
Some suggestions were hard to try, but turned out to be the best suggestions ever. Being firm about limits, for instance, was one of the hardest things to try, but became a source of great confidence and happiness. "no, the scooter does not go in the pool"

When I became a mother to another...

WHAT?! NO! I HATE BEING PREGNANT! THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING! AWW... WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER BABY! I LOVE OUR BABIES!...followed by sobbing, and inability to drink my milk tea. (All the while, Ryan smiling like a kid on Christmas... again... and his reaction was the right reaction... again... my hormones always seem to get the better of me in that moment)
I was thankful that the saved baby clothes had not yet made it up to the attic, and (still am) baffled that our receiving blankets, burp cloths, and some nice diapering supplies are completely vanished.
One was suddenly quite simple and quite hard at the same time (perhaps because it was actually no longer just one).
Diaper changes were shockingly simple. How did I EVER get peed on with Dominic?
Why was I worried that Dominic would suddenly morph into a nightmare of a child? He always has been laid back, and remains to this day a very easy-going child. He has an occasional tantrum (do not get me wrong, he HAS. HIS. TANTRUMS.), but I think that is because he is two, not because I have two.
I discovered that it IS possible for my love to increase 100-fold, again. There is nothing as captivating as the velvety skin of a newborn baby. Oh, those first moments are the most precious moments of my life (at the birth of both of my sons).
The miracle that is giving birth still totally boggles my mind. At the same time that I totally amaze myself that I did that, I totally refuse to believe that it is even possible that I did that... did that really happen?!

That is all for now, and the caffeine has started to wear off, so I will not be editing this for spelling and grammar errors (if you catch one, comment, and I'll fix it... your cooperation and assistance is appreciated). What are some of your thoughts on parenthood?

Getting Real...

2011-03-08T23:35:00.000-06:00

I'm getting real(ly) tired of the current mayor in our city. She is vindictive, malicious, relentless, self-righteous, hateful, and I could go on for days with this list and my vocabulary.

We found out today (maybe yesterday?) that the city is definitely appealing the arbitrator's decision to compensate the wrongly accused firefighters with all of their back-pay for the 6 months they were not allowed to work. Despite agreeing to the appeal by an independent arbitrator, agreeing to the specific arbitrator used for the hearing, and conceding to some degree that this was the "due process," the city is now having a tantrum that the ruling was against them (and even though that was their own fault for shoddy investigating, and preemptive judgement of these men).

So all those goals from my last posts are on hold again. It is looking like the back-pay will be included in their paychecks this Friday, but we've been advised not to "spend it all in one place" so-to-speak.

Now to REALLY GET REAL: In the past weeks and months I've heard of so many people and families that need our prayers (or thoughts, or healing vibes, or whatever you want to call it). I will warn you now that I have cried a lot about what I'm about to type, and that if you are not in the mood to hear about suffering, it is time to stop reading this post.

A blogger who I follow daily recently lost her baby; because her blog is about pregnancy/birth, I'd been following her through her pregnancy. This has had me in tears regularly lately.

A mother of two young children (4 yrs and 1yr) found that she has a major tumor in her brain. She was operated on today, if I recall correctly, and I've not heard any updates.

I found out via another blog that a mother and her 15-month-old son were killed in a car accident, along with the driver of another vehicle in Troy, Alabama, leaving the husband/father alone to grieve.

In the past few months I've heard of not one but THREE families whose homes burned to the ground. One of those moms witnessed her older daughters leading her younger children down the stairs with their hands over their faces and out of the burning house. That image will stick with me for the rest of my life. While none of those families lost any loved ones, all of their worldly possessions were destroyed.

Another blogger whom I follow daily has spent the last few months preparing for the birth of her second son who she found out has a serious heart condition. She's delivered and he's already had his first surgery in the first day of his life, but there is still a long road ahead for his recovery and the repair of his tiny body.

Four Houston families (maybe 5) are mourning the deaths of their babies (under 3-years-old) who were killed as the result of a negligent home-daycare owner who has now fled the country to escape punishment for her negligence. Two or three other families have babies who nearly died in the same fire. The City of Houston is now playing another blame game about whose fault it is that the woman was allowed to flee the country.

I've learned in recent months that several friends (or friends of friends or friends of bloggers) are struggling with infertility or difficulties in adopting. This in combination with the current outcry that Planned Parenthood is being wronged by cuts to its federal financial support sickens me to my core. (I am a proponent of healthcare for the poor and affordable women's healthcare. I understand that 2/3 of Planned Parenthood's services are exactly that kind of beneficial care, but the fact that 1/3 of its services are abortion and that my money to some degree has supported that sends my body into the "fight or flight response" and makes me ache for the families who are struggling to have a child of their own)

These things fill my heart with sorrow, and lead me to a place of meditation on suffering, family, joy, thanksgiving, and mortality. I hope that this lenten season I will have the courage to offer up my sufferings for these families. I pray for fortitude and the understanding that this too shall pass, and that my suffering is small compared to the suffering of others and the suffering of Christ.

So much...

2011-03-02T14:57:00.000-06:00

It has been a long time, and it CRACKS ME UP that my previous post was about setting goals, and it then turned into a dump list of everything I can imagine that I might do at some point before I die...

After six months of holding my dixie cup up to the waterfall, I have to say, "enough!!" Some may already know (if you are a friend on facebook), while other lurkers (readers in Japan and in Russia?!) may not be aware, but Ryan and two fellow Houston firefighters were exonerated and reinstated last Thursday by the ruling of an independent arbitrator after 6 months of an indefinite suspension and nearly a year of investigation by the City of Houston for a racial slur that was published in a patient record. None of the men wrote it, the signature on the record did not match any of their handwriting, and the slur was entered up to a full hour before they even left for the call that the record (...well...) recorded.

Despite the utter lack of evidence and proof of guilt, these three men (and their families) were indefinitely suspended in what we can only imagine was a politically motivated slaughter - by the city government that will not stop talking about how important it is to END discrimination in our city's government, no less. These men were considered guilty until called innocent by an independent source who reviewed the same facts of the case as those who declared them guilty in September. Ryan worked four separate jobs over the past six months, in that time we delivered our second son, we have a mortgage payment, a couple small debts that we had projected to pay off by the end of 2010, and all the necessities that a family has in the budget each month (food, clothing for the fast-growing toddler, utilities, car maintenance, let's not forget the HOLIDAYS!). It has been stressful, to say the least.

WE MADE IT THROUGH IT, but not without the help of countless friends and strangers who lifted us up when we felt our lowest. Truly, my dixie cup has long been overflowing with the grace, prayers, financial support, childcare support, flexibility, and compassion of others (some whom I have never met). The support has been truly overwhelming. Our marriage and family were put to the test, and to say that the past months were difficult would be the understatement of my lifetime. God is so good. We look forward to talking about this obstacle with our sons as a lesson of doing what is right no matter the cost. I married a man of integrity, and I could not be more proud or more faithful to someone who cares for me and our children the way he does.

It is time to look ahead, though.

1. Ryan will receive his full back-pay, and we will finally be DEBT FREE!! Our foundation repair loan and relatively small credit card debt will soon be paid. We've discussed paying off our small mortgage to free up that much money every month for other projects and savings. I am still a little shell-shocked by all the blessings we received! We made it through this ordeal without incurring any debt (beyond the debt we were already paying off before the suspension). We're kind of HUGE fans of Dave Ramsey. There were only a few weeks that Ryan was truly without work during this trial, and we have discovered newfound resourcefulness and frugality in this mess.

2. SAVINGS will begin now. Our goal will be to put aside six months of "emergency fund" in preparation for any future curve balls. The credit card is not a savings account, and we have lived without it since July. Thank you Dave Ramsey for this advice, did I already mention Dave? Sorry for the redundancy.

3. Eating NATURALLY! We will return to our previous commitment to eating only organic or consciously grown produce, dairy, and meat. We rarely eat meat at home (in fact, I cannot remember the last time we even had meat in our house... August? When we are eating meat it is the only option available, and we try to eat it moderately. We're FLEXITARIANS) Throughout this mess, one area that I refused to compromise was the dairy we offer Dominic - that kid would eat his body weight in cereal daily if we'd let him. Because of the hormones, antibiotics, unnatural diets and disgusting living conditions of conventional dairy cows we simply would not settle for less than organic in that department (perhaps not all conventional dairy cows live that way, but how can you even begin to research which hundred cows provided the gallon of milk in the fridge?). Moving forward I intend to research local dairies with free-range grass-fed cows to see about buying raw milk directly (I noticed a while back that our organic milk smells like corn... interesting, yes... surprising, no). I am looking forward to visiting the farmer's market this weekend for the first time in far too long!

3.2 Gardening and becoming a little bit more self-sufficient... this is totally experimental this season using the square-foot garden method and a bevy of resources I found over at the Grocery Shrink in the month of February. We built our raised bed last weekend, filled it yesterday afternoon, and planted it yesterday evening with Dominic. We planted broccoli, carrots, summer squash, peppers, spinach, snap peas, and green beans. Ryan and I have already discussed building a few more beds to plant more peppers and try some HGTs (there ain't nothin' in the world that I like better).

4. HOME IMPROVEMENT!! (with Tim the Toolman Taylor!... I couldn't resist) That want list is SO LONG. We've wanted to refresh our home's exterior for nearly two years now since the foundation repair (actually, we've talked about it since we first laid eyes on our house three years ago). Pressure washing, painting, and landscaping might be at the top of my wishlist today... the honor of the top of the home improvement wish-list changes daily. Other HUGE projects that vie for that honor include: moving the washer (out of the kitchen) to the garage next to the dryer, creating a utility room in the garage, renovating our two small bathrooms, renovating our kitchen (the washer necessarily has to move first... or maybe we'll enclose a utility room in the kitchen... oh the options!), replacing doorknobs throughout the house (we have 3 drastically different knobs within 3 sq. ft. of each other).

5. R & R. Ryan mentioned the possibility of a vacation to decompress from the stress of the last year (even the stuff before the suspension... remember when I broke my wrist?! This time last year I was writing left-handed because my right wing was totally useless). We go back and forth as to whether we'll do this before or after the goals up above; while I TOTALLY MISS ITALY, I think it is impractical to take a trip like that right now with two little guys - although if some family members went at the same time it might be more manageable (May 1st JPII will be beatified... cough... mom... cough... Aunchele...). I have to calm myself down. Not a day passes that I do not think about Italy; next to Ryan, it is the love of my life, so just thinking about Italy sometimes turns into surfing for cheap airfare and browsing hostel websites...

THANK YOU FOR SEEING US THROUGH THIS, AND LOOK FORWARD TO MORE FABULOUS POSTS OF OUR PROGRESS!! (photos to come... maybe)

Got Goals?

2011-01-03T16:18:00.000-06:00

It is no secret that I am a bloggaholic... I have a list of at least 10 that I stop by daily, then I click to other blogs from those 10 and at the end of the day I am usually looking outside at the darkness wondering, "did I do anything today besides read blogs?!"

Well, every day I DO do things other than reading blogs, often those things are inspired by the blogs I read, in fact. Things like making christmas gifts for everyone that we are gifting, things like reorganizing the kitchen to be way more functional, setting up a toddler friendly home, rearranging the mantle, putting stuff into baskets (lots of baskets), creating a more suitable "drop zone" in our front doorway (since our entryway is actually our living room), and on and on.

For the past few days most of the blogs I follow have been posting goals and ideas for the new year as well as linking back to their favorites of 2010. LOVED THIS! Actually, the Nester is inviting everyone to link up on Thursday with their goals for 2011, and she shared her goals today over at The Nesting Place. I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas for 2011, too!

Goals I've had in mind for the coming year include: (I think I'll try to "schedule" some of these goals by Thursday so they will be more likely to happen)

SIMPLIFY. I tend to collect stuff. Lots of stuff. Let's call the stuff what it is: clutter.
Get the 3rd bedroom in order. Anyone want to commit to come stay in our guest room? Nothing puts the fire to my heels like people coming over, and with a very close-able door on that bedroom I've had little motivation. Actually, just yesterday Ryan and I discussed turning that room into a playroom so the boys will have an adequate play-space once they start sharing a room, since our house isn't really big enough for 2 beds in a room along with 2 kids worth of toys in the same room!
Visit more parks and make better use of the park that is right outside our own backdoor. We had a splendid afternoon in our backyard yesterday, and Ryan and I agree that we should spend more time out there.
Pressure wash and paint the exterior of our house. I've been warned that this is not DIY territory, but I'm really considering ignoring that warning. If we get into it and decide that warning was absolutely true, we can always jump ship, call in the experts and suffer no real loss except the time and shouting caused by the attempt.
Landscaping? When our foundation was repaired over a year ago we were happy to see the leggy, ungroomed boxwoods go. I am sure our neighbors will be elated by an update to the dirtscaping the foundation crew did in our front yard OVER A YEAR AGO! Ugliest yard on the block, anyone? I foresee some agapanthus, hydrangeas, milkweed, pintas, plumbago, gardenias, azaleas, marigolds... any other suggestions?
Eat at home more often. We already do this, but I'd like to compile a list of our favorite recipes that is easy to glance at to plan a menu. I cannot remember where I saw the idea, but I LOVED the idea of writing favorite family recipes on the doors of kitchen cabinets... very cool.
Repaint the interior of our house with more exciting colors... we liked the ones we picked when we moved in because they got our house clean and liveable, but now we're ready for some character.
Make more gifts. I loved the homemade Christmas gifts we gave this year (hopefully everyone that got them liked them, too!). I'd like to spend more time working on gifts this year to avoid an advent rush like I had this year (which was still quite enjoyable, but left our dining room and living room a mess the week of Christmas).
Plant a fruit and vegetable garden in the back yard. Get the dirt delivered, put the seeds in the ground, and enjoy the harvest!
Be more budget-minded. Commit to using the envelope system. We have really appreciated Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover during some financial difficulty this year. We have not used our credit card since July. We want to get completely out of debt, increase our savings, and work on the goals I'm listing without touching another credit card as long as we live... DO YOU HEAR THAT CREDIT CARD COMPANIES? STOP MAILING US AND STOP CALLING US! KEEP YOUR PAWS OFF OF OUR HAPPINESS! Ok, end rant.
Keep tabs on the politicians that represent us. Get their e-mail addresses at the top of our contact lists, and badger them regularly (monthly, weekly? we'll see how this goes). If it isn't in the constitution, don't do it. I should send that e-mail right now, actually. OK, the government makes it particularly tricky to send such an e-mail expeditiously... I've saved the link to the "contact forms" that I will fill out one by one as soon as this is posted. By the end of the day all of the representatives from Texas will have a copy of the Constitution in their inboxes.
Continue to invest in healthier food for our family: growing our own produce, eating less meat, and choosing local foods as often as possible. Get back to the farmer's market.
Learn how to "coupon"... I hear that is a verb now?
Use less disposable diapers. We use cloth most of the time, but I'd like to see those packages of disposables sit unopened for longer periods of time. This will start with buying more of our natural detergent (which would have been here by now if I had just ordered it online when we ran out...)
Sew at least one wearable item this year... that I would actually be willing to wear.
Blog more often instead of typing blog-length comments on friends' facebook walls and stati. Be inspired by those friends and comment with a link back to the blog instead of hogging their walls!
Get rid of clothes that don't look awesome on me. Wear skirts more.
Post more pictures on the blog. I'll return to this one with pictures later.

Test

2010-12-30T23:25:00.001-06:00

This is a test of automatic e-mail posting...

An Update: Dominic's Room

2010-12-30T13:58:00.008-06:00

In Dominic's room I use the following method of keeping clean and keeping his interest:

keep it simple
keep it functional
follow the child
make sure it is clean every night before bed (at a minimum)

Anyone who has known me longer than a day knows that I'm a laid back type (read not too concerned with scheduling and order). My house is regularly messy, we're working on getting it regularly tidy. I clean in crazy bursts - one week I might be motivated from the time my feet hit the floor to the time my eyes force themselves shut, the next you will find my fruit snack packages littered on the nightstand, dining room table, and kitchen counters (inches from the garbage can, no less!). That simply isn't the case with Dominic's room.

When it comes to his room I am absolutely compulsive about keeping it clean. Montessori describes early childhood as a time of sensitivity to order. The "sensitive periods" she observed in children are periods of great ease of learning and magnetism toward certain aspects (be it language, refinement of the senses, or order). She acknowledges that these things can be learned at other times, but the learning that occurs in a sensitive period is effortless and tireless, whereas learning to clean at the ripe age of 25 requires much work and much coffee! Ryan and I agreed before Dominic was born that we want to provide an environment that is tailored to Dominic's developmental stages; Ryan is quite tidy (opposites attract, I suppose), so getting him on board with keeping Dominic's room clean was simple.

When Dominic was born his room still had the tack boards around the perimeter from when we pulled up the carpet. The floors were unfinished, he had zero furniture apart from his bassinet and a hand-me-down dresser and rocking chair. We slowly got some semblance of order in his room as the floors were finished and as he moved out of our room. As he's gotten older and his interests have evolved, the task of keeping his space engaging and orderly has actually become... I know it will be hard to believe... FUN!

What was once this:

Dusty, filthy "white" carpet (can you see where the previous owner's furniture used to sit?), smoke-soaked walls, hideous window treatments.

Evolved like this:

A little space to read with daddy and do some initial exploring. A place to rock in the rocking chair with mommy.

Then there was mobility! The items for exploration became more interesting and provided new motives for activity: to crawl, to pull up, to walk, to increase concentration!

The floor bed allowed him to crawl into his bed when he was tired or crawl out when he was awake. You can read more about that adventure in a previous post!

Now it looks something like this:

His shelf offers a few toys and has artwork at his level. Everything has a clear space, and the room is orderly enough for him to restore its order without the help of an adult (though he does still need reminders sometimes). He has a small chair, a curbside find that I reupholstered, with a couple stuffed elephants behind it to protect the wall until we come up with a better solution! His nightstand has books on its shelf with one or two ever-changing favorites on top. His floor bed now has a couple of his favorite stuffed animals on it and the line-up changes frequently.

The closet is home to toys that have currently lost interest, additional stuffed animals, and his changing mat propped up against the wall. We also keep the majority of his clothes and extra diapering supplies in the chest of drawers. the tall shelf outside of the closet has a few baskets and boxes that hold a couple options of clothing to choose from each day. The highest shelf holds his cloth diapers and grooming supplies. The little blue stool is a spot for him to sit and get dressed. We move it out of the way every now and then to measure him on the growth chart that Ryan was measured on as a child! He always puts his clothes into his own laundry basket as he takes them off. Rugs add warmth and character to an otherwise cold floor.

The artwork is hung at his level so he can develop his appreciation for artwork; ideally I would rotate art cards from my travels and visits to museums, but I haven't gotten to that yet. Recently we struggled with him removing the art from the walls and pulling out the brads/nails that were holding them in. This is often the reason that parents rebut the idea of hanging artwork down low... "they'll break the frames, or aren't you worried about the nails?", We handled that problem in this way: "You are taking the art off of your walls, that shows us that you do not want it in your room," we then took all of the art out of his room (and the nails that he could reach). A couple days later I started reintroducing it to the room, first asking if he would like to have one of his paintings back, to which he replied, "yeah!" He has been more delicate with the artwork and left it on the walls ever since. We use the same system when he misuses toys and it works like a charm; we've only done it a few times but it always seems to rekindle his sense of appreciation for his things and reinforce the household rules (mommy and daddy mean business).

He can turn on the lamp by himself, and the shelf is home to a simple collection of the toys that he is most interested in using currently. We just changed the shelf to accommodate some of his Christmas and birthday gifts, leaving a couple of his favorites from before the holiday on the shelf. Up top he has some cool pattern blocks and boards, his tape measure and a wind-up penguin. The second shelf is home to his train set, which has already led him to the discovery that magnets have polarity and he can now turn the trains around to ensure that they connect (cool!), and we just added his new car transporter and cars to that shelf (his current favorite, I think). The bottom shelf has a soft soccer ball (because there has to be something to direct hands that want to throw and feet that want to kick without a power struggle), a jingle bell stick, and a puzzle with true-to-life images of animals. We also have his new horse stable set up next to the shelf and a little potty next to the stable (just in case). Toys that are still age-appropriate, but have lost interest are stored in the high shelves in the closet. He has many puzzles, a shape sorter, a lot of percussion instruments, picture "classified" cards, and a few other wooden and spatial toys. We also keep his nice hard-bound books up high so they don't get accidentally ripped; we read them nightly, though, be not afraid!

Dreaming of a White Christmas...

2010-12-27T16:10:00.004-06:00

I tackled two kitchen projects this afternoon, and

promise to embed pictures later.

So I saw this awesome tip on the blog iHeartOrganizing a while back and decided to try it out. Then I got a little carried away, and I applied this tip to ALL of my kitchen appliances (which includes a washing machine, and even showed the sink some love).

Step 1: get magic eraser wet

Step 2: scrub the heck out of the "ivory" colored areas of your white appliances

Step 3: wipe with a damp cloth

Step 4: Oooooh and ahhhhhh. (here's the comparison... sideways)

I saw this awesome tip over at The Borrowed Abode blog a while back and used that same damp cloth from step 3 on my first project to show our microwave a little extra love.

Step 1: wet a cloth, not damp, not drippy, just wet

Step 2: microwave the damp cloth on high for 2 minutes

Step 3: open microwave and using an oven mitt or rubber gloves to protect from heat wipe the inside of the microwave with the cloth

Step 4: pick jaw up from the floor and enjoy a sparkly microwave.

On the Last Week... and Signing Up for Silly Contests...

2010-11-12T07:43:00.003-06:00

Earlier this week I got an e-mail notification that I had registered for the Phil&Teds Procreation Challenge last spring. "Give her the gift she REALLY wants for Valentine's Day," was the tag line, and all you have to do is have your baby on November 14th. Well, they didn't specify the prize until last night at 3am; the company is based in Australia, so I'm at their timing mercy! You can win an Explorer stroller from their line of inline strollers. It looks like you only win the single, but the doubles kit costs much less than any of the double strollers I've seen on the market, and this one weights 26.5 lbs... that is LIGHT for a double! I could not even lift the double options they had in stock at Babies R Us when we went to test them out about a month ago, and we had resigned to the fact that we would be buying the plastic connectors that link two umbrella strollers to create a double (I can definitely lift two umbrella strollers separately!). I think my body has been sabotaging me to win this dang stroller!

This week has been exceedingly more uncomfortable as well. I never thought I'd see 38 weeks... much less 39.5 weeks! I kicked off the week with a Monday morning labor-induction massage from the doula. It felt awesome. I felt had contractions all day on Monday... no baby, though. Tuesday I had less contractions, and they have completely petered out throughout the week! On Wednesday I found out that I was at least making progress; I had dilated another cm (3 now), I was still 70% effaced, and the baby had descended another cm (-2) into my pelvis. This was good news. I also met the final midwife in the practice, Theodora... who is my favorite! The Catholic Hippy of the bunch! We had a wonderful conversation about what our expectations are, how Dominic's birth had gone, why we had switched to the midwife practice, and she was right on the same page with us! I LOVE that I do not have to argue or defend myself with these midwives; I was so tired of being questioned to the third degree, and made to feel like I was neglecting my children by choosing not to have a heplock (one TINY request out of the ordinary!). "You wouldn't ride in the car without a seatbelt, would you?" was the line I got from not one, but TWO doctors! Theodora had NO CONCERNS about letting me labor without the heplock... if I had heart disease, or a history of stroke, or a complicated pregnancy, or weighed over 300 lbs, she may have felt differently, but I have a totally normal and uncomplicated pregnancy, I don't even weigh 150 lbs! I do not have bad veins! Thank you for being reasonable! She even said that Ryan can catch the baby if he'd like - he may not want to, but what an awesome option! Oh, and I get to wear whatever I want while I'm in labor! No hospital gown with open back for me!!

So I am still pregnant, still miserable; this morning I woke up with a sore rear end, no doubt from squatting to pick up Dominic all day yesterday while Ryan was at work, but I look like a duck when I walk, and it is insufferable to lift him today. Ryan is also working a 24 hour shift tonight, so I'm flying solo again. I am SO READY to have this baby! I also sewed 11 receiving blankets this week, and I am currently working on two topponcinos for the new baby. Those are security cushions the baby lays on and can be passed along from person to person on top of, so he has the same sense of security no matter who is holding him. I need to check with the toddler teacher this morning to see if I have it the right thickness, or if I need to cut it in half (in which case I think I might sew a couple extras and try to sell them? They are kind of expensive from Michael Olaf). I need to put the carseat into the car, pack a little bag for the hospital... maybe I'll labor in my maternity swimsuit, since I plan to labor in the tub! I think I'll also make a Munari Mobile in the next couple days if I don't go into labor... oye vey. Oh, and we have a family reunion this weekend! I better win that stroller.

Living Close to Where I Live

2010-10-24T18:50:00.005-05:00

Something that has long irked and confused me is the cultural move toward the suburbs. That looming question mark comes from a lifetime of living IN the city limits in a moderately sized one-story house, within about 15 minutes of anything I could possibly need or want. I did live outside of the outer loop for about 9 months of my life right after I got married, and I tried my hardest to convince Ryan that we should find an apartment closer to our families and workplaces before he signed the lease (which he did a few months before we got married... sneaky bugger). He was unconvinced until he saw our monthly toll-way bill and our monthly gas expenses! At that point we were locked into a 1-year lease, though, and committed to look closer in for the next place.

What shocked us was how much more the apartment ended up costing us out on the beltway than an apartment inside of the inner loop! Factoring in the travel expenses for work and visiting our families, we could have lived somewhere pretty ritzy in the city or paid a whole mortgage payment each month from the start! I had to commute daily on the toll-way and the commute took between 20 and 35 minutes each way... longer than I had ever driven to get to work or school in my entire life. It may be hard to believe, but we were spending between $150 and $250 each month on the toll-way and the same amount on gas money as well! EVERY MONTH! It was uncanny how much money we watched leave our account unceremoniously on a monthly basis!

The second crazy side-effect of living way out there (shockingly, still in the "city limits") was that I was wasting 5 hours a week on the freeway. Ryan would spend 2 hours a week commuting (since he works 24-hour shifts). 7 hours of time wasted away from the love of my life a week! Over the course of 9 months on that schedule we spent 10.5 whole 24-hour days on the road. TEN POINT FIVE WHOLE 24-HOUR DAYS ON THE ROAD!!!! Shout it with me!!!! No wait, I have to run to vomit! WHAT THE HECK?!?!

I could have spent those 10.5 days doing any of the following activities: catching up on my DVRed TV because we used to watch TV back then, going on dates with my husband, taking a long vacation to ITALY with the money we could have saved in travel-to-work-expenses, sleeping, learning how to sew, coming up with ways to be thrifty, cleaning our apartment that was always a mess (probably because we never had time to clean it because we spent so much time sitting on our hineys in the car!)... etc... etc... etc...

We started house hunting. The hunt started in the heights... still a 20+ minute commute from where we were both working, and 20-45 minutes away from our families. We quickly got real and started looking in SouthWest Houston, where we work. We found a house that is 7 minutes from my work with no freeway time, and Ryan works about 12 minutes away from our house with no freeway time. My family is about 8 minutes away and Ryan's family is about 25 minutes away. The days of the longest commutes are the days that Ryan works because I have to pick up Dominic from his favorite nanny in the afternoons: his NaNa. So now we spend 1.5 hours a week in the car to and from work and none of that time is spent on the freeway. SO over a 9-month period... for comparison's sake, we spend 2.25 days in the car. LESS THAN A QUARTER OF THE COMMUTE WE USED TO DISDAIN!!!!! Oh, and the money? Well, we don't pay for the toll-way any more, and the gas bill is probably a quarter what we were paying in gas expenses when we drove 4 times as much! So that is about $400 a month that goes toward our mortgage payment (which we will eventually get back in equity when we are ready to move). The time and money savings alone are enough to encourage me to sell my soul!

Then there is the ever-popular rebuttal: "but the houses in the city are old and gross" or "but you can get twice the house if you buy in the suburbs." Twice the house, four times the commute?! What?! Pass. I will definitely agree that it is easier to move into a house that is new, but the trade off seems ridiculous. It definitely took some sweat and tears to get our 65 year-old house up to our standards, but we gained the luxury of 8.25 additional hours every week to work on the house or spend time as a family!! Knowing my taste, we would still need to make a TON of modifications to a "move in ready" house in the burbs in order to meet my standards... and we'd have to make those modifications without that extra 8.25 hours a week!

Additionally, the size of our house works beautifully for us. We can work in the kitchen with Dominic playing in the back yard or take a little nap with Dominic playing in his room. In the mornings we can set him up with some breakfast and run back to our bedroom to get dressed to take him to school without needing a monitor or without undue worry that he might endanger himself while we are down the hall. Our JBL speakers can pump tunes to our whole house without difficulty, and there are no unused nooks that get dusty and need lots of cleaning attention despite their lack of use. BRILLIANT. This is a pretty sweet deal. We have less cleaning to do AND more time with our family?!? File that under "awesome."

Maybe this is related to the American sense of independence, but we seem to have a cultural attachment to having loads of personal space. There isn't any time to spend with the family because the time is spent on the road, and then when the family gets home the goal is to get to the most secluded personal spot in the house to spend time decompressing and watching a personal TV with my own TV shows or time updating my facebook status and checking in on people that live across the country (even though I haven't seen the people down the hall all day). I am SO GUILTY of this. It is so simple to hop onto the electronics and isolate myself from my husband and my son. It is also simple to admit that we have WAY more fun when we choose to do something as a family: step out to the back yard to listen to the High School band playing in the distance, turn on Pandora and listen to the funk station, go for a walk through the neighborhood, drive a couple miles to a fun family activity, etc.

Oh, and that is without even mentioning the benefits of living really close to everything we like! With the zoo only 15 minutes away from the house, we can pop over with our zoo membership (that costs less than one month of driving on the toll-way) and spend 30 minutes bumming around. Maybe we'll see a few animals while we're there or maybe not, but we definitely won't be sticking around in a bunch of crowds. This is TOTALLY guilt-free and hassle-free, zoo-tripping! Since it is so close to our home we can easily pop over to the zoo and change our mind about staying without any worry that we've wasted a trip or wasted money on the visit. We also enjoy loads of parks, museums, and nature areas within the city that do not strain our budget and that keep us entertained without having to make a big production out of a trip. It is easy to just say "hop in the car, we're going to the art museum," and head out. No diaper bag, no problem... it is only 15 minutes away... huzzah!

Change is in the Air!

2010-10-18T09:49:00.007-05:00

I posted a while back about my observations of the film "Eddison's Day," and the daily activities of a child who was just barely older than my own. There were MANY suggestions for how to make a home more appealing to a toddler, and our house was falling short in MOST of the areas I offered suggestions. The biggest goal of a toddler's house has to be safe independence, and accessibility is a HUGE componentof that goal.

Over the weekend I was hit by a nesting urge (never before experienced... my first child entered the world with the tack-board from disgusting carpet remaining along the perimeter of his room and still does not have a room color that is satisfactory for the space of a little boy). Dominic went down for his nap and Ryan and I got to work in the kitchen.

We had a bistro table at the far corner that barely fit Ryan and I and left Dominic floating in the middle in a high-chair... not my image of a family meal, but the flavor of family meal we've been having for a year or so! The table and chairs relocated to the third bedroom as a make-shift wrapping and sewing table next to the day bed. To add function to the nook in our kitchen, we brought in a low shelf that was salvaged from St. Catherine's when Katherine got new posh natural wood shelves. The shelf sits right under the window. The top shelf has a space for a small water source (I want to get a glass or ceramic water crock with a simple spigot) and a space for Dominic's drinking glasses, bowls, plates, and silverware. I am still trying to figure out my feelings about the dishes with characters/animals/etc. on them. It seems like Dominic is pretty distracted by the little cartoony super hero plates... he removed his toast from his plate this morning and tickled the little figure for the greater part of his breakfast. Hrumph... I put a lot of effort into that dry toast!

The second shelf has a little apron, his sketch-pad and crayons, and some sets of classified cards with pictures of amphibians, fish, and reptiles. The bottom shelf has the hand wipes (for coming in from picking up yucky stuff outside), a couple sweaters to choose from, and a hat for going outside. I am going to be adding a window washing setup, some kind of polishing, and possibly a bird-feeding activity. Any suggestions for how to do window washing with a toddler? I will also be hanging a picture above the shelf and creating a window treatment or mistreatment f

or the small window.

The next step for that nook is to bring in a wooden hutch from the garage onto that blue wall (the pictures have relocated since the photo was taken long ago) to display our white everyday dishes and store some of our larger serving pieces and appliances that do not have a home right now. That will also give us a little bit more counter space under the shelving to do kitchen stuff or just make a mess. With the dishes out of the overhead cabinets, we'll move all of the food pantry items to the overhead cabinets and convert the pantry into the cleaning and laundry closet, thus freeing up the space next to the washer as well... Maybe a low table or the kitchen tower will go there! Does anyone have experience with making snacks accessible for toddlers? How does one go about that? I was thinking of making one of the drawers in the hutch Dominic's snack drawer with pre-portioned snacks that he can get when he is hungry (goldfish crackers, pretzels, raisins...); before I do something crazy like that, I will have to have some pretty solid feedback from an expert, though!

The photo is dated, so picture the tree gone and the giant picture in that blank back wall space. For more accessibility, we've also put a shelf under the interior window where the tree is in the picture (you know, that window from our living room to our dining room... our house has so much CHARACTER!). We still need to work out exactly what the function of that shelf is (and paint it a more attractive color than almond). Since the guitars are all hanging in the living room, I am leaning toward a music and art shelf. We could bring some of Dominic's rhythm instruments out from his room, set up another coloring work, put out the shape-scapes sculpture puzzles, put art books and art cards (postcards from museums and photos from my stay in Italy), and set out some poetry books. We will also keep some other toys on the shelf for general play in the living room and possibly a diaper changing setup for when the new baby arrives?

Our third bedroom also experienced a facelift recently as a result of the new shelves in Katherine's classroom at St. Catherine's. I already mentioned the table and chairs that have made a makeshift wrapping table and sewing spot (although I will have to re-acquire my mom's sewing machine for that to REALLY be possible). I also have a lot of fabric that I've accumulated over the past year or two... the IKEA "as is" department is the BEST place for cheap and cool fabrics; there are always mis-matched and incomplete sofa covers and duvets priced at under a few bucks to come out to a real steal per yard! I'm probably going to have to steal some boxes from the living room or find some cheap baskets at goodwill to store all of the fabric scraps on the shelves. I'll also be able to bring in some of my boxed books from the garage. I think we will also set up the little play mat in this room for when the next little Smith makes his debut. I am sure the other two shelves will quickly fill with diaper supplies, blankets, and newborn toys. I am thinking that this will become more of a reading and craft room. This one also needs a paint job and a proper window treatment, rug, and day-bedding (keep me posted if you see anything awesome at a garage sale or thrift shop).

So hopefully those changes will be completely activated in the next couple days. I'm realizing as I post that the next post should probably be an update on the progress we've made on our house, although there are way more cracks in the walls now because we had the foundation repaired last year around this time.

Budding Artists

2010-10-08T20:55:00.003-05:00

"How do you encourage a creative, artistic spirit in your baby, toddler or young child?"

This question is posed by the Cotton Babies staff as part of a contest to win a whole set of their new "artist series" of bumgenius cloth diapers, and as a Montessori mama with a passion for the arts, I couldn't resist the question. In fact, I'm totally tickled that the question is one that I probably would have considered posting about anyway!

Encouraging a creative spirit in your child is as simple as creating a beautiful space for your child from the earliest stages of infancy. Maria Montessori often mentioned that we need to offer "the best for the smallest among us." I could not agree more with this sentiment, and this begins even in the first hours and days of life. While the popular mama culture is all about the crib and flashy/cartoony nursery "themes," the parent that hopes for a child with an appreciation for true beauty and an interest in the beauty of nature will forego these conventions of popular parenting culture. Beginning with a floor bed (as simple as a low mattress on the floor) gives your child freedom of vision into his world, unobscured by the lines of the crib bars. A developer of the Montessori infancy philosophy, Dr. Silvana Montanaro, comments in her book Understanding the Human Being: The Importance of the First Three Years of Life, that the perceptions of the child that are taken in through the bars of the crib will have to be wholly reformed later in life.

Vision is a fundamental element of an artistic spirit - to see and love the beauty around you. In the newborn's unobscured visual field on a play mat, parents can place a beautiful mobile constructed of simple geometric solids (spheres, cubes, plane geometric figures), starting with a black and white design, moving into a mobile that represents an element of color theory (the rainbow, primary colors, the gradation of a single color from light to dark). These very early introductions to color and form will leave a lasting impression in the absorbent mind of the newborn. In addition to mobiles, parents should hang carefully selected works of art at child level. While your eyebrows may initially raise at the idea of hanging a Monet print at ankle height, we have to consider as parents what we want our child to perceive as beauty. Certainly I would never design my home with all plastic decorations, or with neon flashing lights, or with loud garish noises playing at the touch of buttons covering every surface.

Despite our sensibilities as adults to beautiful colors, art, and music, the children's toy and decoration industry is dominated by jarring and garish colors, patterns, and music. We would never dream of designing our bedrooms as adults with Michael Scott's face plastered across every chair, blanket, pillowcase, curtain, and hanging picture, yet there is little hesitation to create for our daughter's a Barbie dream-land room or a Hot-Wheels mega-scape of a room for our sons. This criticism comes from the woman with a bright red couch, black and white striped rug, and bold modern art and guitars on her living room walls, and in no way am I saying that a child's room needs to be designed in all neutrals or without any toys in sight. I certainly have a love of boldness, but any designer will agree that in using bold or unexpected colors or forms it is imperative to be even more discerning about selection, groupings, and layout and extremely sensitive to moderation. So back to the ankle-height Monet: I read in a publication about early childhood art exposure, that a young adult discovered a photograph of himself in his nursery, and noticed on the wall a framed Indian batik print (or perhaps a moorish geometric design? I cannot remember exactly the style of the art). When he saw the art in the photo, he blurted out how much he has always loved that particular style of art, but that he never knew why because he didn't recall ever studying it or seeing it while growing up. That fleeting art print from his infant nursery left a lasting impression of beauty in his subconscious. I was also amazed early on in observing my son that he would concentrate for up to 20 minutes at a time looking at a black and white photograph of an animal, or he would study the patterns on a decorative cushion or furniture intently for prolonged periods of time (as a very young infant!). I always thought that concentration was something for students in law school, but it amazed me to discover that children can develop concentration from a shockingly young age. If there is a particular space that you spend extended periods of time with your child - maybe a chair where you always nurse, or a play-mat in the corner of your sewing room - this is an ideal space to enrich with a beautiful photograph or throw blanket. Give the child something beautiful to occupy her attention.

Though I've only hinted at it so far, the toys and materials we fill our child's world with leave a huge impression on the child's mentality about the world around him. The child who is offered ceramic dishes will have a sense of care and delicacy about the world, as opposed to the child who only uses spill-proof plastic dishes. The child who only plays with toys that serve to entertain will have a sense of needing entertainment from the world around him, whereas a child who plays with imaginative toys (blocks, puzzles, art supplies, etc) will approach the world with a sense of initiative and creativity. Returning to the concept of vision as a foundational element of developing creativity, if the child's visual field is cluttered (for instance, by a heap of toys in a bin or basket, or by a playroom lined wall-to-wall with toys), the impressions she takes in will be cluttered. The child with a limitless number of toys available or a pattern and decoration on every inch of nursery space will have a difficult time seeing the things around him: the visual "noise" of the space will distract him from focusing on any individual element, and create in his mind a framework of a chaotic world. Alternatively, offering a limited selection of toys neatly and individually displayed on shelves and a small number of carefully selected decorations, the child is given the opportunity to form an orderly and beautiful mental framework for the external world. This is not to say that a child should look at the same three pictures exclusively throughout her childhood, but rather that the parent's job is one of vigilance and constant attention to the child's interest. As such, the parent works to enrich the environment of the child by rotating artwork as interest wanes, or swapping out toys as the child demonstrates readiness for a new skill. As a chronically untidy person, I can say with confidence that keeping it simple in this way has made it astoundingly easy to maintain a clean room for my son who is 21 months old. When we first embarked on the parenting journey, I was certain that this would be my greatest challenge and greatest shortcoming as a parent... I can hardly keep my own clothes off of the bedroom floor, much less the astonishing amount of gear that comes with a baby! Surprisingly, this system of rotating toys and art makes the task of keeping Dominic's room clean one of the easiest tasks in our household! The "place for everything and everything in its place" mentality has helped us to keep Dominic's space beautiful (even though the rest of the house can get quite messy! I am no domestic goddess!!), and I am confident in Montessori's understanding that the child absorbs his surroundings and applies his impressions from early childhood (birth-6 years) to his experience throughout the rest of his life. He is a surprisingly orderly child and even helps us in maintaining the order in his space (puts his clothes away, returns his toys to their shelves, etc.).

In our family musical creativity is also hugely important, as my husband is a guitarist and we both LOVE music. I noticed pretty early on that "children's music" tends to be far from what I would consider appealing or beautiful. I tried out some CDs that take "real music" and recreate it in a "nursery appropriate" way, but found myself disappointed that all of the instrumental intricacy of the music was lost in the translation (even if it was AC/DC or Bob Marley). The music was turned into a series of electronic beepy sounds... as though it was being played on one of those fisher-price pianos or on a xylophone that was not quite in tune. Disappointed, we opted to just play the "real music," and I have to admit that while Dominic enjoys the classical music stations on our Pandora radio, he really gets a surge out of funk music and the beat of some of the more technical techno and metal is visible in his tiny body when it comes on those radio stations. We definitely want him to have an appreciation for the "classics," but it is so satisfying to see his taste emerging as we listen to our favorites at random on our internet radio. Already he can hear and identify some musical instruments, and his sense of rhythm sometimes amazes me as he spontaneously bursts into dance when we hear music over the loudspeakers at the zoo or in a restaurant. We also offer him an assortment of percussion instruments and let him strum Ryan's guitars when he seems interested. It has been challenging, but we are very cautious to remove batteries from any toys that play "music" that is not musically accurate or beautiful; even if "the Muffin Man" is a childhood staple, it is difficult for me to agree that he is learning anything about the beauty of music from a toy that squawks the "song" in a robotic voice to the sound of jingly beeps (eww.).

Developing a creative spirit is most dependent on the environment the child is absorbing on a daily basis. Looking at beautiful art, listening to beautiful music, experiencing rich and independent play with creative toys all deeply influence the child's interest in creating and his "eye" for beauty. I am sure it is clear that I have a pretty strong opinion on the matter, and I can attribute the strength of my opinion to the value I have in art and creativity. Without the arts we would live in a dull world, and I am hopeful that I might win a set of these cute "artist series" diapers to brighten the dull white cloth diaper wardrobe of my little budding artist/musician.

Welcome to LIFE!

2010-09-22T12:29:00.005-05:00

Our family has more fun than I can begin to tell you. We (usually) opperate on an organic schedule, spend lots of time together, and genuinely enjoy each others' company.

When Ryan and I got married, we got the uber cable and dvr package and we were "living the life." We never missed our shows because they were recorded and waiting for us. We never had to choose between Rachel Ray and Ninja Warrior because we could watch one and record the other. We enjoyed marathon after marathon of our favorite shows! We spent our weekends catching up on hours of television, and our weekday evenings on the couch getting up to date on the latest home colors for fall (even though we lived in an apartment) or trying to guess which house that family was going to pick of the three options. Actually, the television was running our lives. We still spent time with friends, we still went on dates, but the MAJORITY of our time off of work together was spent looking at a lighted screen. There were some weekends that we "HAD TO STAY IN" because our dvr had 20 backed up episodes of shows that were about to be deleted. We didn't have time to read books for leisure. We were slaves to the TV.

We moved into our house and decided to try living without cable for a while, but the TV company could only set up our internet if we ordered a cable package for at least a month. So we ordered the cable and kept it for the required month. When we got rid of the cable we hooked up the television to the behemouth antenna the previous homeowner had left attached to our chimney. After "putting up with" the local channels we did something really crazy. We swapped our living and dining rooms to have a larger living space. We disconnected the massive antenna and moved the televison to a wall with no antenna jack. We freed ourselves from the television.

At first we still spent a lot of time watching movies or playing the Playstation 3. We gradually started spending more time at our parents' houses. Soon we started wondering what we had been wasting all of our time doing! We started picking up little house projects here and there. Our house started to settle into a liveable space. Our floors were refinished, the nursery was set up, the broken oven was replaced, the yellow 1972 toilets were replaced, the bathroom floors were tiled, the remaining rooms of our house were painted, the garage slowly emptied enough to fit one car, the living room got fresh and inviting furniture, the china was moved out of my in-laws upstairs closet and into our china cabinet, window treatments started going up, our son's room became orderly (and stayed orderly!), my Montessori work started coming together. Life was getting GOOD!

Life was getting so good, that we had forgotten about our previously life-consuming enterprise of television watching. I had shed a television addiction that I've carried since my childhood. Family gatherings became less about the golf tournament or football game and more about time with our family! We started to feel a little weirded out when we'd go places with a television just running in the background. We were noticing how much we had been missing! Suddenly there were a few more hours in every day or a few more hours of sleep to get every night. We started taking Dominic out to the park as he became more confident with walking. We bought a zoo membership and started taking regular family outtings to the zoo (sometimes only for a quick 30 minute trip before nap time, but with a membership... no fret... we'll see the okapi next time if we don't see it today!). I actually completed my Montessori training, without a very serious mental break-down that I had procrastinated beyond recovery... astonishing!

A noteworthy realization was that we didn't need constant entertainment anymore. We weren't missing all that television at all, and in fact, we really enjoyed getting netflix so we could watch a series of a television show here-and-there or to have a movie night every once in a while. Ryan and I started having more spontaneous "dates" and started having deeper conversations. Sometimes the drive home from the zoo would get us into such a rivetting conversation that we would stop off at Fioza (our favorite local coffe/tea/sandwich shop) and spend a few more hours laughing and debating and whirling off into other conversations (with Dominic asleep in his stroller or engrossed in observing his surroundings, or reading a book from the diaper bag). We played trivial persuit! We stopped using the board for the game because we had so much dang fun answering the questions and getting lost in conversation about the questions.

Our life became rich because of the time we spent with our families, because of the time we spent with our son, because of the time we spent together in silence reading, because of the time we had to be a family! Often we will sit at home and each of us (Dominic included) will be doing our own activities. He doesn't demand that we be with him all the time, and we are not locking him into a playroom full of stuff or putting him in front of a television to "keep him busy" so we can check the latest facebook debate or finish the laundry. He will bring us a book to read him every now and then and we'll end up reading four books a couple times each. Or we'll play some music, and end up having a family dance party for an hour. Sometimes we just take a nap in the afternoon.

When television left our list of "needs," we quickly forgot about it and quickly realized how much we had been missing. We have not felt bored for a moment. We haven't had to spend a ton of money on other activities or items in order to fill a void. We've carefully selected a few activities that work well for our family for days that we just need something to do (the zoo, library, and park), but those activities are free or nearly free. The change was a big one when we first made it, but in retrospect, it is one that I cannot imagine living without. We save tons of money that used to go to the cable company, we have freed up hours and hours a week, and we are genuinely enjoying the precious moments we have as a family. It is a change that I would encourage anyone to try for a couple months (Ryan dares you to try it for a year!). It is a change that has improved our lives a hundred fold!

One Week Down, No Looking Back!

2010-08-07T17:04:00.003-05:00

It has been a great week with the changes we made to our eating habits. Ryan has already commented more than once that he is enjoying his trimmer shape from eating less meat (after only ONE WEEK!). We definitely spent a little bit more on food this week, but we'll get that down to a science in no time. I am looking forward to taking a trip to Whole Foods alone, so I can spend some time price-shopping and perusing their inventory.

We bought way less at the market this week because we had plenty left over from last week to make it through this week. What needs stocking is the pantry with non-perishable organic foods (canned soups, beans, grains, etc.). I have not forgotten about the baking mixes, either! I plan to work that in during the next couple weeks, so any good baked good recipes that are simple when it comes to adding liquids (1 egg, 3/4 c water, etc) would be greatly appreciated.

Last week's amazing breakthrough recipe was Portobello Mushroom Marsala (I made it just for me on the side of my mom's chicken marsala).

Portobello Mushroom Marsala

1 large portobello mushroom, sliced

1 tablespoon butter

1 drizzle of olive oil

Shallow dish of flour, salt, pepper, and oregano for dredging

Handful of white mushrooms, sliced

2 parts Marsala

1 part Sherry

Melt the butter together with the olive oil in a pan. Dredge the slices of mushroom in the flour mixture and saute in the butter mixture. When brown on both sides, add the button mushrooms, marsala, and sherry. Simmer until the gravy reaches the right consistency.

Serve with steamed potatoes and green beans. Delicious!

Changes at the Casa Kitchen

2010-07-29T14:26:00.004-05:00

After reluctantly watching the documentary films "Killer at Large" and "Food, Inc.," I've taken a radical plunge in my thinking about the food I put into my body and the bodies of my family members. I highly recommend the films, and I will be taking the book The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan from the library today to read it for more info.

The changes will include the following:

1. Only eating organic, free-range, grass-fed meat. This means we will be eating much less meat because I am sure it is not cheap to eat the new standard.

2. Eating fresh, organic, locally grown vegetables. We will be shopping weekly at the farmer's market for produce, and supplementing with produce from Whole Foods or Central Market.

3. Decreasing our intake of processed foods. Instead of packaged mixes, I'm going to be packaging my own convenient mixes to keep in the pantry (so long "blueberry muffin" mix that doesn't have blueberries on the ingredient list). Maybe I will post these "recipes" here if I get it worked out to a well-oiled homegrown machine.

4. We will be gardening. I have put this off since we bought our house. I have a few bags of soil in the garage and enough seeds to feed a village. I'm thinking that perfect is a lower priority than I've been making it, so I might just be going into the backyard, pouring the bags of soil on top of our "garden" space that is currently grassy and weed-riddled. Then I will plant the seeds... at this point I think our only crop will be Okra, but I will be looking into a timetable for planting a fall garden as well.

5. This one probably goes without saying, but we will be eating at home. The only person I can trust to care about the food that goes into our mouths is me, so I am going to be cooking more.

So there it is in writing. I will be posting updates, and I will probably not follow through on this stuff 100%. I know it is going to be more expensive, but I'm also confident that it is the right thing to do for my family. If you have some suggestions for "follow-through" on these items, please let me know. If you are in Houston and want to start a veggie co-op so we can buy in bulk and get better prices at the farmer's market, let me know that, too! Happy and healthy eating to you and yours!

A Day in the Life of a Busy and Independent Toddler

2010-07-15T19:43:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I watched the film “Eddison’s Day,” and I was absolutely shocked by the capabilities of the 20-month-old “star” of the film, Eddison. The film was made in one day following his activities from waking up to reading a book for bedtime; his mom is an AMI-trained Montessorian for the 0-3 age range. His environment is impeccable. He is happy, confident, independent, and very connected to his family and world. I was so shocked by the film that I watched it 2 more times and furiously scribbled notes (the third viewing I realized I could press the “pause” button). I’d like to share my notes from the film to offer some guidance about appropriate activities for toddlers that may shock you into finding this film at a local Montessori school parent library, so you can “see it to believe it!” I've broken the activities down into a "time of day" format, and within each section I list the activities first and then the considerations a parent should make to facilitate the activities.

Early Morning Activities

· Activities

o Going outside to retrieve the newspaper (with parental supervision).

o Setting the family table for breakfast and eating breakfast independently, even spreading jam or peanut butter on his own toast with a real child-sized knife and pouring a pre-portioned amount of milk out of a small pitcher into a drinking glass.

o Clearing breakfast dishes from table independently.

o Feeding the cat a pre-portioned amount of food, and giving the cat water from an accessible (low) water source.

· Accessibility Considerations

o Dishes should be low enough for the child to reach without adult help, and open shelving is best for young children to see everything they need;

o The child should be allowed to use real dishes and flatware (breakable, beautiful, stainless steel, child-sized);

o The child needs a chair that he can climb into on his own that pulls up to the family (adult-sized) table;

o The parent will have to pre-portion drinks and spreads into small containers that are manageable for the child: a small “sauce bowl” for jam, or a coffee creamer sized pitcher for drinks. There will be slightly more dirty dishes.

o A low, accessible place to put dirty dishes, like a small cart or bin; later the child can help rinse them at the sink. If this seems superfluous, allow the child to wash dishes after each meal in the sink and load dishes into the dishwasher by himself.

o For animal care, the child needs manageable containers with the correct amount already measured out or a built-in control for the correct amount (one cup full, or one small pitcher of water). The child needs access to a low water source, like a glass crock of water on a low shelf. The animal care tray should be as simple as a tray with a cup or pre-portioned container for with an easy-open lid for dry food and a small pitcher for water.

Getting Ready for the Day

· Activities

o Brush teeth, looking into a low accessible mirror, mom squeezes toothpaste.

o Use a small potty independently (managing pulling down and pulling up his own pants)

o Choose own outfit from a limited selection of clothing.

o Undress from PJs and get dressed with some, but very little, adult help. Admire himself in a mirror.

o Carry his own backpack with a change of clothes if leaving for school (toddler community in the film) or going for an outing.

o Walk outside independently, even down steps, and to the car.

· Accessibility Considerations

o Low mirror in the bathroom.

o Small potty-chair with spare/dry changes of underpants and books close at hand in a basket or small cubby.

o An easy-open closet or wardrobe with a low clothing rail with two tops and two bottoms hanging (for a girl maybe a dress and a separates option?). A couple bins or baskets below the rail with staples like socks, accessories, and underwear (yes, they can be potty trained this young, with minimal accidents).

o A hamper in the dressing/undressing area. A simple and small basket is sufficient… they have little clothes!

o Hooks near the door with hats and coats (that can be offered upon leaving) and a backpack with spare clothes or diapering essentials… toss the diaper bag and let the kid carry his own stuff!

o Step-stool to get outside if the drop is too steep.

At School

· Activities

o Enter the school walking with or even ahead of Mom.

o Open the door to his class, and separate from mom without tears or trauma.

o Simplified table-top hand-washing

o Do activities independently and with concentration and repetition.

o Do activities in the company of a small community

· Accessibility Considerations

o Security that parent will be picking him up on time, a cheerful and trusting parents who separate in a matter-of-fact, “see you later, I love you” kind of way.

o Handwashing setup: Terrycloth apron, small bowl (that can fit both toddler hands), small pitcher that can fill the bowl in one go, and a smaller bowl with a small bar of soap. A hand towel for drying. This activity can be set up on a low table at home as well; children LOVE this.

On a “Play Date”

· Activities

o Share outdoor toys and tricycles with a friend (of the same age)

o Harvest fruit from the yard (or veggies from the home garden, or herbs with some help).

o Eat lunch with a friend at a low table; they pass each other the small pitcher with water to pour their own drinks, and have simple (toddler) conversation “you want some?” “thank you” “mmm… pears”

o Attempting a low balance beam (2x4 plank on the ground secured with small supports along the board)

o Share toys indoors with a friend.

o Return toys and musical instruments to their places on the low shelf in the family room.

o Dig in the sand at a beach and use a pail and shovel.

· Accessibility Considerations

o Freedom to play independently with adult supervision (no hovering! They can do it!).

o Accessible dishes (as with breakfast), and a low picnic table outside is a nice variation to eating lunch.

o Clear and orderly toy layout (see below “At Home” for more details)

o Freedom to get dirty (play in sand, pick up insects, and explore).

Out and About

· Activities

o Help pick out flowers, fruits, and vegetables at a farmers market. Place the veggies into bags, smell the fruits and vegetables, use basic language for the items in the market.

o Wash the car in the driveway with dad. Spray water with the hose, wash the car with a soapy sponge, apply wax or polish with a cloth.

· Accessibility Considerations

o Let the child walk as much as possible, holding hands, and let the child take a little detour every now and then to check something out.

o Give language for EVERYTHING and allow the child to have a sensory experience of the things in his world.

o Provide child-sized (real, not toy) activities that are part of home life. Small sponge and cloth for washing the car, for instance. Live with the child, not around him.

At Home

· Activities

o Read books with mom, selecting books from a limited supply on a low shelf.

o Work with modeling clay (or play doh), using simple clay tools and cleaning up independently.

o “washing” windows and play equipment (tricycle, wheelbarrow) outside with a wet sponge.

o Name items in nature and in the home.

o Handling and returning items in nature: snails, leaves, flowers, pears (from the tree in the backyard… sweet!).

o Simplified flower arranging: placing flowers cut by parents into a pre-filled vase.

· Accessibility Considerations

o Low bookshelf with a few books displayed clearly on it; rotate books as interest wanes, but keep the selection to a few books at a time.

o Activities should be self-contained and clear in their setup/use: A tray with a small board for rolling the clay, a small (child fist) sized ball of clay, a couple simple rolling and cutting tools. A tray with a few crayons at a time in a small dish and a fresh piece of paper. A tray with a sponge and a drying cloth for wiping the table. A tray with a watering can and small cloth for watering plants and drying small drips of water.

o The activities should be displayed on low open shelving, within the child’s reach. Each activity, toy, or instrument should have its own clear space on the shelf; “catch-all” bins or baskets are great for “easy” clean-up, but they do not provide the same clear and orderly presentation that the shelf provides. With an orderly and consistent layout, the child is able to choose activities and put things away himself. It would probably be surprising to see that a child this young is EXTREMELY orderly in a well-prepared environment. It is rare a child pulling many things out at a time when things are set up as above, and it is amazing to see the level of concentration and engagement a child can exhibit in working with one carefully selected item at a time.

o Access to the outdoors with purposeful activities such as a balance beam, tricycle, sponge for cleaning, a broom for sweeping.

Cooking Dinner

· Activities

o Pouring pre-portioned ingredients into a mixing bowl, dry and wet ingredients.

o Mixing ingredients with a child-sized spatula, with limited instruction from mom “let’s try to keep it in the bowl.”

o Kneading dough.

o Brushing pizza dough with olive oil.

o Assembling pre-sliced ingredients on a pizza: mozzarella, tomatoes, basil

o Preparing dessert batter as above, and spooning dessert batter over a cobbler, with limited direction from mom, “can you add some over here?” Taking turns and accepting help.

o Washing dishes at the sink using a soapy sponge with dad. Wiping dirty or wet counter tops.

o Distinguishing trash and recyclables and putting them in the appropriate containers.

o Setting the table for the whole family and eating at the family table.

· Accesibility Considerations

o Child-sized aprons (made of two large hand towels sewn together with space for the head are great for absorbency!).

o A kitchen tower that elevates the child to counter height to work with the parents (learning tower, or kitchen helper… I’ve heard there are some platforms available at home depot that may work just as well).

o Small versions of cooking utensils.

o Constant supervision; this is a “doing with” type of situation.

o Child-sized brooms on low hooks for clean-up.

o Small sponge at the sink.

o Low trash and recycling bins, if the child will help take out trash and recyclables, the indoor bins should be small enough for the child to carry (even with some strong effort it is ok, but not so huge that he cannot manage).

Before Bedtime

· Activities

o Take out a small bin of recyclables to the large bin. Climb up on a step stool to put the recyclables into the bin. Walk with dad to help take the garbage bin to the curb.

o Add bubbles to bathwater with a little direction “let’s save some for next time.”

o Choose two bath toys from a low cabinet.

o Undress with a little bit of help from mom.

o Put clothes into hamper.

o Wet his own body with a cup and a washcloth.

o Bathe with a washcloth and some parental help to get the hard to reach places (behind ears, back, etc).

o Asked for help to wash hair, but closed his own eyes to have his hair rinsed.

o Put on robe with some help from mom (after mom dries him off and gives some snuggles). Hang towel on a low hook.

o Remove robe and hang on low hook in his room.

o Dress in PJs with minimal help from mom.

· Accessibility Considerations

o A step stool to reach the outdoor recycling bin, adult help to open and close the large bin.

o Small manageable container with bubbles for the child.

o Expectation of a limit to the number of toys that can be taken into the tub (one per hand makes a lot of sense). The child is then able to return the toys to the shelf without having an overwhelming mess or large number of toys to clean up.

o Freedom to do for himself.

o Low hooks that the child can reach to hang up towels, robes, re-wearable pjs, etc.

How to Pick a Good One

2010-06-25T18:46:00.015-05:00

After 18 months of parenthood, nearly three years of marriage, six years of partnership, nine years of friendship, and 11 years since our first (extremely awkward) meeting, I am pretty amazed by the way things have worked out! Based on our experience and a lifetime of Fr. Bill homilies, I have some thoughts about marriage:

Marry your best friend... and stay best friends!

Know that the person you love is a person, who will only change because of a conscious personal choice, not because you want him to change (Ryan, I wouldn't change a thing about you, and I am trying to make that choice to put my clothes in the hamper).

Put your dirty clothes in the hamper when you take them off. It is simple, and it will make Ryan... er, your husband or wife... very happy. And also clear your own dishes from the table.

Remember 1 Corinthians 13, and remember the parts that aren't quite as easy as "Love is patient, kind," etc. "We see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully as I am fully known." This rocked my world when I heard it at a wedding after I got married (it was not a reading at our wedding, but I have grown up with this passage, and will never forget Aunt Char reading it at that wedding). How clear does this passage get in reflecting back upon the wedding day and the entrance into the sacrament?! This is one of my favorite lines about marriage and one that is challenging if you are imperfect like I am.

Marry the person that will die for you. Marry the person that you would die for.

See humor in each other and in yourselves... and laugh about it together. Embrace the wrinkles you will have later in life because of the laughter!

Marry a good father or a good mother; see how the person treats his family and how his family treats each other. That family is going to be your family, and I could not be happier to have my family grow in such a wonderful way by marrying Ryan. He is also an amazing dad, and I saw that in him a long time ago!

Date each other after you get married.

Serve each other.

Turn off the damned television and talk to each other! And then maybe enjoy some tv time together.... or just leave it off.

Prepare for marriage with a sponsor couple. Skip the engaged encounter retreat, and find a sponsor couple. (Ok, I haven't been on the engaged encounter retreat, so maybe it is pretty cool.) I have worked with a sponsor couple in marriage preparation, and it was my favorite part of the weeks leading up to the wedding (more than trying on the dress, more than luncheons and parties, more than meeting with the caterer). Our sponsor couple meetings were a set date to talk about the rest of our lives with a couple who is living their life. We had a workbook (chuckle away) that raised interesting questions, we had amazing discussions, and we shared wonderful stories with people who know how it all works. It was intimate and refreshing, and it wasn't at all hokey or fluffy... it was real and it was about keeping it real.

Get a life... your own life... and let your spouse have his own life as well. We often go out together, but it is equally important to have a guys night or ladies night.

You have got to get one (or a few) of these! I cannot believe how my love increased when this guy came along.

I often reflect on the homily Father Bill offered at our wedding, and the readings we chose for our wedding mass. We chose Ephesians 5: 20-33; the one relating marriage to Christ and the Church. I am so glad to have a husband who makes that passage easy to live by; I remember thinking "you have got to be kidding me" when I heard the verse that says women should be subordinate to their husbands, but now it is a pretty simple task. He has to love me enough to die for me, and we have to live in mutual admiration and respect for each other. Check, double check! It is so easy to live that challenge with someone who loves you as much as you love him. Father Bill gave a beautiful reflection on Humility, saying "If you really want to love your husband, ask him, 'how can I be a better wife to you;' if you really want to love your wife ask her, 'how can I be a better husband to you,' chances are she will run to print a Word document." I could not feel stronger that this would solve so much of the marital strife we have in our society; it is so easy to focus on being wronged or being the winner, but it takes resolve to be humble... especially in those moments that I feel like I've been wronged.

And now a bit about the wedding: If you want someone phenomenal to say your wedding mass, may I recommend Father Bill? I had heard all kinds of stories that he "won't let the father of the bride escort the bride into the mass" or "he'll embarrass you in the homily," and all I can say to those claims is "HOGWASH!" He prepared us in the most amazing way I can imagine: he met with us, asked us challenging questions, set us up with a phenomenal sponsor couple, and gave us wonderful suggestions. The myth about not letting you walk down the aisle with your dad goes something like this, in Father Bill's words: "The gold standard is to walk into the wedding together, as a couple, because you are the ministers of the sacrament. (I had never thought of this before in my life) The silver standard is to walk into the wedding with both of your parents; they have shown you everything you know about marriage and we don't want to stuff mom into the pew to be lonely through the processions. (awesome, I love this!) The bronze standard is for the bride to walk in as the center of attention. It isn't a 'look at me' event; it is an us event." I'm pretty convinced by the gold standard, but because we both come from traditional families, we opted for the silver standard to honor our parents. There were never any negative feelings that we made that choice. As for the homily, I have never felt more edified and challenged in my life; it was personal, it was far-reaching, it was moving. The number one comment at the reception was, "AMAZING SERMON. And this risotto is delicious." THAT'S what I'm talkin' about! A healthy dose of truth at my wedding and about three quick bites of that tasty risotto

What makes marriage tick for you guys? Favorite date night ideas? Favorite date night ideas that do not involve leaving the sleeping toddler home alone? Any amazing pearls of wisdom from your own weddings or experiences together? Post it as a comment... on the blog... not on facebook...

The Disney Dilemma

2010-06-21T13:38:00.003-05:00

After much thought and deliberation (and fear of being shot by Disney enthusiasts), I’ve decided to collect my thoughts on the child-product-mega-company and post my observations. Many of these were pointed out by my mom and followed by a hearty eye-roll in my younger years, but these themes have become more of an interest as I begin to raise my own son. Recently they've become the topics of many a facebook debate, so I thought that instead of invading someone's nonchalant wall post with a dissertation, that I would post it here.

I will preface my review of Disney by saying that I know this will not be something that we will be able to avoid in Dominic's childhood, and by saying that I watched and loved the entire Disney collection growing up. Until Dominic is 6 years old, I will do my parental best to keep him in an environment that is purposefully and actively driven, in order to meet the needs of his self-construction, which is largely completed in the first 6 years of life. My approach is not to destroy Disney or decline any invitation for my child to hang out with children who watch Disney, but rather (when he is older than 6, and a reasoning human being with a strong inclination to moral development) to have conversations about some of the disturbing themes that run through the collection, so he knows that our family values are quite different than the cartoon representations of the Disney collection and so he can develop his discerning eye for media (movies, literature, news, music, and all the rest).

My favorites were always Robin Hood, Sword in the Stone, and Cinderella. Ryan’s favorites were Beauty and the Beast, Robin Hood, and Sword in the Stone. We probably would have been great friends growing up, but we will just have to settle for great friends now. Hockety pockety wockety wack… I still wish I could sing that song and watch my dishes wash themselves! So on that positive note, here comes the beef. I will begin by reviewing overarching themes and move on to the subtle or subliminal themes of the collection.

Overarching themes:

Absence of Nuclear Family: I cannot think of a single Disney film that has an intact family, with a mother and father who raise the children (princesses or fish alike). Most of the films represent single parenthood, and corrupt or bumbling parents (see more subliminal issues below). This represents a strong message across the entire collection, and neither supports a sense of security in the family unit nor a worldview that I want my child to be worrying about in his early years. This is definitely a truth of our society that many children grow up with one parent or under the care of a different relative entirely, but in his early years I do not want him to worry “when will my dad disappear, or when will my mom be out of the picture.” From 0-6 years children are absorbing every external stimulus holistically (like a camera taking a picture), without any discrimination, and while this isn’t something that Disney overtly mentions at the beginning of each film, it is something underlying that is taken into the child’s mind.

Capitalism at its Finest/Basest: Disney is in the business of marketing, and as such, anything you can think of can have a logo slapped on the side of it and then be sold for a premium price because of its longstanding market dominance. It does not promote creativity or imagination, but rather sells a mass-produced substitute for those two values in our society. I know I will be opposed on this, but will go into further detail in my later discussion of the developmental stages and the role of creativity, imagination, and consumerism. Because every movie is “cute” and has a “happy ending” they have secured a huge market, and one that is geared primarily at children and still appeals to adults because of nostalgia for the movies and contentment that “it is good” based on superficial reasons (the sugar coating on the bitter pill, if you will).

Subliminal themes:

Parents as Tyrants and Parents as Buffoons: In many of the Disney movies, old and new, the parents are depicted as one of two extremes: evil tyrants or bumbling out-of-touch fools. Most of the classic princess story lines feature a helpless daughter at the mercy of a tyrannical mother (or step-mother, or the like). Whereas many of the “modern” story lines feature an overly powerful child and a parent that has no idea how to handle it (sounds eerily realistic, if you work with young children these days). I am thinking specifically of Cinderella and Snow White in the former case, and I’m referring to Beauty and the Beast, Pocohontas, Aladdin, Finding Nemo, Little Mermaid, Mulan in the latter case. While subliminal, these are prevalent themes in the collection, and themes that glorify disrespect and disobedience.

Disobedience and Disrespect Pay Off, and Have no Negative Consequences: Because of these Disney archetypes for authority figures, there is a massive theme of disrespect and disobedience to authority (coming from a Rage Against the Machine fan, I know this sounds totally off-the-wall). There was a string of movies in my elementary school days that resonated this theme: Little Mermaid, Pocahontas, Mulan and Aladdin. More recently Finding Nemo is a flagrant example of the same. In the three former that I mention, a powerful daughter (or maybe “entitled” is a more fitting adjective) directly disobeys her father and ends up in a terrible amount of danger (the action of the movie, because otherwise this would never sell), and in the end she proves that her father was wrong and that all will be “happily ever after” despite her flagrant disobedience. In the latter, Nemo swims out in a direct defiance to the father’s limit (which is set as a safety precaution), and is essentially kidnapped in front of his father’s eyes (I realize he is a fish, but lets look at it for the underlying value). The father then goes on a wild adventure in search of his kidnapped son, enduring perils and of course seeing humor all along the way. The kidnapped and initially distraught Nemo, finds that being kidnapped isn’t so bad as he meets a tank full of store-bought fish that he convinces to escape to the ocean. Eventually, the father and son are reunited, and the father realizes that it wasn’t that big of a deal for his son to be kidnapped, and that really, a lot of good came of that kidnapping. And they live…. Everybody now… “HAPPILY EVER AFTER.” Apart from minor peril and fear, the child is always right, and the parent is just not quite hip enough to “get it.” Yikes.

Unrealistic Image of Love: In the princess story lines, there is a totally fantastic (as in, the adjective of the word fantasy, not a synonym to awesome or great) framework for love and relationship. This was something that Ryan brought up in discussing this topic. There is a theme of the first person you meet, who is always totally gorgeous and sings beautifully, will be the person you spend the rest of your life loving in that state of happily ever after. There is no conflict beyond that point (because the movie has ended), there is no repercussion of the broken home that one or both of the involved lovers is coming from, and this is something that everyone seems to oooh and ahhhh about. Maybe it is good to send a message that good can come to someone in a broken home, and certainly that is true although not indicative of research of children from broken homes. The fantasy view of love is something that leads to plenty of heartbreak during elementary and teen years of life when the girl who sits next to you is teasing you mercilessly or your first boyfriend dumps you out of the blue.

Money and Marriage Fantasy: In many of the films the hero and heroine find "love", get married, and live in royalty happily ever after. This emanates that if you marry into money, you will live happily ever after, and since you will be a king/queen/princess (whatever) there will be no hard work or hard times ahead. The message is almost anti-love and pro-marry-up. Maybe you love an artist or theology major, but let’s face it, that isn’t going to get you anywhere… go for the doctor (medical doctor, not doctor of philosophy)!

Sex Sells: At the other side of that fantasy image of the charming prince and beautiful princess, there is a more recent trend in Disney films that focuses on disguising adult humor as child-friendly content. The film that really resonates this is Shrek, although it is not a Disney film, it is definitely geared toward children. I remember seeing in middle or high school and coming out of it laughing so hard, and thinking, “what a great movie, it entertains the kids and it is hilarious for an older crowd because it is totally over the kids heads.” I am sure I rolled my eyes at my mom when she was aggravated by this sentiment, but I now know that nothing gets past children, not even that joke that is over their heads (in fact, I probably knew it then because I was a kid and I was very observant). I know there have been moments in Disney movies that I have had this thought, although never as overt as in the Mirimax film, Shrek, but I cannot recall a specific instance of it. Returning to the princess stories, there are several “favorites” who are animated as busty chicks in bikinis tops, showing cleavage, leg and midriff throughout the films, along with themes of seduction and sweeping in to steal the prince (Little Mermaid) or even the princess becoming a slave to a sorcerer or ‘bad guy’ because of her choices (Aladdin)… ick.

It may seem as though these are all themes that run rampant in the larger scope of the media; and it is no surprise to me that this is the case. If it sells during prime time soaps or comedies, it will probably sell in the next Disney “classic.” The last Disney movies I saw were Wall-E, Cars, and Finding Nemo, and anything other than those in recent years has been off my radar, so I cannot speak to any of those other recent films, but I am pretty confident that I’ve seen the whole collection up to Nemo.

Would you like your brownies with or without poop?

I will now share one of my mom’s favorite anecdotal benchmarks for measuring the merit of a movie (I think she got it from a speaker at a Steubenville Youth Conference, when she was a chaperone): A mother asks a child who returns from a movie, “How was it?” The child responds, “It was great, it was funny, it was interesting, but there was this one part that you wouldn’t like (graphic violence, sex, profanity, take your pick, you won’t have to think to hard if you think back to the last movie you watched).” The mom responds “Oh, well was it really that good, then?” picture the child rolling his/her eyes (I know I did every time I heard this story in high school after getting home from a movie). So at a later time the mom prepares a delicious batch of brownies, and the whole family gobbles them down (picture now the crumbs remaining in the pan as the last bites are finished). The mom asks, “How were the brownies?” Everyone responds “Delicious, great, marvelous, the best, fabulous brownies, you rock mom!” and she discloses, “Well, I followed my usual recipe, but I just added a tiny bit of dog poop to the batter. It wasn’t that much though, just a pinch.” (Have you vomited yet?) Obviously this was to make a point, and the family did not consume any feces.

Appropriateness of Themes for Children in Different Stages of Development:

First plane, the Absorbent Mind: zero-6 years old: During this stage, children are making their first orientations to reality, getting a grip on how things respond to their touch, the sounds in their environment, the emotions of the people around them, and the security and love they are getting from their parents. Rather than offering contact with reality (which is totally new and wonder-filled for children who’ve only been on the earth for a few months or years) the programs offer fantasy, which the young child takes in as reality. This is a stage of absorbent learning, meaning everything they come to contact leaves a replicated impression in the mind. Many argue that fantasy is a precursor or sign of imagination, but with closer examination, this Disney fantasy is a pre-bundled or manufactured “imagination,” such that, the story is this or that when you play with these toys or “imagine” about princesses, or here is the framework for playing fish… complete with character names and mannerisms, nothing unique or original (I see a lot of this working with 3-6 year olds). Fantasy play, in Montessori philosophy is considered a deviation from natural childhood tendencies, based on Dr. Montessori’s observation of children the world over (remember, she was developing this philosophy before there was television, and before the fascination with fantasy play swept the US as a beneficial thing for children). Don’t be alarmed, Montessori is interested in inventiveness and creativity in an almost religious capacity; in fact, she calls this stage a period of “self-construction” during which the child is creating herself through interaction with her environment—the greatest creative act of human life! The absorbent mind takes in all of the overarching themes and subliminal themes, bundles them as reality in neuro-pathways in the brain, and the more it takes in of this the stronger those synapses are etched in the mind of the child. This is also a time of orientation to the culture of the child’s upbringing, which seems to embrace the values Disney is selling as true and good. It seems clear that inner turmoil will arise from these overarching cultural values and the values that we strive to impress upon our children in our own homes.

Second Plane, the Age of Reason: 6-12 years old: Here is where fantasy and “imagination” in the modern sense become appropriate because of changes in the way the children are thinking and the different developmental sensitivities they have during this age range. Imagination at this stage is extremely important in understanding the greater functioning and interdependence of people within a society (that all the food at the grocery store has been grown by a farmer, then delivered by a driver, then set out by the grocer, purchased by the parent, and eaten at dinner… this takes a leap of imagination, because chances are, the kid hasn’t met the farmer or delivery guy or the grocer). Fixation on the pre-packaged imagination inhibits imagination in the sense of true creativity and independent thinking. This is the time of moral development, interest in justice and how it plays out in society (and movies), and these developments arise out of the reasoning mind of the child who begins to consolidate the impressions absorbed in the first six years of life… there is a reason First Communion in the Catholic Church takes place when children are 7 or 8 years old; they are reasoning and morally functioning humans. During this stage of sensitivity for moral development, the movies offer moral confusion and conflict with what they are learning in reality from parents, teachers, and even peers. Chances are, parents don’t encourage their children to run off without permission or to flagrantly disobey their requests and limits. Because of this conflict between reality and the films, children begin pushing limits to test their moral compass and their understanding of big moral questions, such as, “what is justice?” This is the stage of life when “that’s not fair,” becomes a staple in childhood vocabulary. Kids at this stage are entering a time of social collaboration and belonging, and the movies promote the development of fantasy-based ideas of love and relationship. “Why are the girls at school picking on me?” “They just like you.” Thinking: “That’s not how it is supposed to go! It doesn’t happen like that in the movies” (which have been absorbed as reality, if viewed before this stage of life). Because of a strong pack/herd mentality at this second stage and because of a higher regard for what friends are doing (peer pressure) there is an increase in consumerist lobbying (begging) for toys and paraphernalia to fit in or because “she has one!” or “his mom lets him have it!” These things are so prominent in my memory of growing up… “BUT MOMMY!!”

Third Plane, the Social Newborn: 12-18 years old: The physical changes of puberty kick off this stage along with emotional turmoil and self-consciousness; these are the “awkward years.” Any issues that went unresolved in the first plane come up again during this time, as they are parallel stages and the times in life with the most rapid physical growth and emotional development. Youths may feel disappointment in the reality of love and relationship or self-consciousness about how things really go compared to their expectations—there is depression at the rift between reality and the false reality absorbed much earlier in life. At the other extreme, because it is a stage of idealism, they will embrace the false “reality” that is presented in these “classic movies”—rejecting the way life in society actually works. At this age youths are also attracted to heroes and stories of struggle, because those themes mimic the internal struggle of the child—the princess defying the father becomes the role model. Youths begin to formulate conscious values at this stage, and will probably continue pushing limits and the expectation that “happily ever after” happens no matter your choices. Youths begin venturing into financial independence (though in our society, I think this happens later in life with each passing year, with children depending on their parents well into adulthood for housing and other provisions). That mindset of “no consequences” or positive reinforcement for the glorified poor choices in these movies can definitely cause a detrimental attachment to a non-reality… at a time that reality becomes a lot rougher in the “real world.” Is it any wonder that credit card companies target 18 year olds with free t-shirts and high credit limits in our American society?!

Fourth Plane: 18-24 years old: At this point the child/youth/young adult reaches biological maturity and trains for and enters society in a chosen vocation. This could be a difficult enterprise with an unrealistic sense of how the world works, and how choices are affected (especially with parental enabling of this false notion of reality, but I’ll save that rant for another post). People having children during this stage of life begin to look critically (hopefully) at the society and the role it will play in raising a family, and whether that is even something to consider in the culture of selfishness and false reality that is built up by this staple of our childhoods (I’m so grateful for my education and upbringing, that helps me to differentiate this media lie from reality). Additionally, young adults will begin to face these issues for their own children if they are having children. This stage parallels the second stage as a time of rational formation, moral concern, and finding a role as a member of society. To buy it, or not to buy it?

Call to Action; Taking a Proactive Role in our Children's Media Exposure:

We would never offer our children food with something we know is harmful or gross. In fact, when the doctor tells you that your child has a food allergy, there is no fence-walking about your child coming into contact with that food… no questions asked, no rationalization, we follow the doctor’s order without any hesitation. When it comes to what children are putting into their minds in the form of media, we are far more lax in our standards. Every time I mention the television standard for children, which comes from the American Academy of Pediatrics (no screen time under the age of two), the response is a resounding, “Well, I watched TV and turned out fine” or “Just a little won’t hurt them.” Because it isn’t the cause of a physical defect, we just write it off; there is little concern for the psychic (spiritual, emotional, pick the word you like best) development of the child, which is taking in all the subliminal dross of the content as well as forming a fixation to time spent doing absolutely nothing. I don’t know that parents even preview or think about what their children are watching the majority of the time, and once an image, or words, or undertone of disrespect goes by on the screen it is imprinted in the child’s mind. That, again, is some powerful marketing or a powerful social shift… the parents do not even question the merit of what they are giving their children, but know that it must be good because it has an upbeat soundtrack, cute characters, and a happy ending.

Montessori Mama!

2010-06-02T20:21:00.007-05:00

With my training fast approaching, school ending yesterday and a whole year off, I've been thinking about nothing but Montessori. The home environment should be a place for the child to explore and grow in every developmental area within a safe and nurturing environment. There should be opportunities for practical work, sensorial exploration, language development, growth of his mathematical mind, and most importantly development of independence and confidence. Here is what we are up to in our Montessori home environment:

Floor bed: Dominic has given up the fight against bedtime, and for months now has had a beautiful bedtime routine. He takes a bath, gets into his PJs, reads a book (with our help of course), and goes to sleep. We've cut bottles out of the equation, but he does get 1/2 cup of warm milk in a sippy cup on nights that he is struggling to go down (not so Montessori... can we call it "following the child?")

Eating: This has been a BATTLE at home. At the Smith's house, his NaNa can feed him just about anything, but he has become increasingly difficult at home. So I had a conversation with Ms. Jacinta the other day, heard all about her fabulous little Montessori wonder of a granddaughter, and I had an epiphany. We were eating all kinds of things, and offering him other stuff (because we've been kind of junky eaters lately). So today I put exactly what I was eating on his plate (making sure it was healthy, and even adding cooked carrots to my own diet), and he ate every bite (except the ones that missed his mouth and ended up on the floor). I also offered him a tiny toddler sized fork that looks just like regular adult flatware, and that was a huge deal for him... he LOVED it.

After the meal he cleared his dishes, with me carrying him to the sink, he scrubbed them with the brush while I held them in the sink, propping him on my knee, and he then put them into the dishwasher on his own. I then let him wipe his own tray with a towel (why were we not doing this sooner?!). OH and midway through the meal I offered him a juice glass (mini version of my glass) and showed him how to use two hands to lift it to drink, and he went to town. Gradually tipping it more as he was more comfortable. When he started to put his hands into the cup, I took it. I would quickly return it as he begged for it, and he continued just the right way. It was PRECIOUS! Again, why weren't we doing this sooner?

Playing: His room still has one low shelf unit with three levels of shelves. The bottom shelf has an assortment of musical percussion instruments and a natural snake pull-toy (from Plan Toys). The second shelf has a tray of balls, a set of nesting cups (which are about to be rotated out as he's lost interest), and three turtles who are propelled by the balls that make their shells and feet. The top shelf has his pounding bench, which he is now able to fully manipulate, flipping the pegs as he finishes hammering them, and placing them in the correct shaped cutout. There is a basket of books on the top shelf, which he regularly visits, bringing us one book to read, returning it to the basket, and bringing another... OVER AND OVER again. There is also a xylophone representing the diatonic scale of C. He LOVES to play the xylophone, and I was so glad to find one that had the true scale.

He also has a set of toddler sized broom, mop, dust mop, and dust pan, that he has enjoyed test-driving. There is a shelf of stuffed animals in the closet, and a family of elephants on his rug by his rocking chair. He enjoys picking up a stuffed animal and carrying it around, or snuggling it. Lately he's been practicing differentiating the elephant family, today carrying the mother elephant on his shoulders like Ryan carries him around.

Generally we help him to play with only one toy at a time, reminding him to clean up as he begins to move on to the next. There is a large supply of other toys on a high shelf in the closet, so we can rotate the toys as he loses interest or gains interest. Keeping the shelf organized, with each toy returning to the exact same spot every time has aided his development of an orientation to his space and his sense of order. He knows exactly where things belong, and can help when they are out of place.

Our favorite activity is definitely listening to music and dancing with him. He LOVES music, of any kind of music, and has really taken to dancing. He particularly enjoys funk and techno along with harder rock while he's with his dad.

Furniture: The floor bed is kind of the focal point of the room (the thing everyone wrinkles their nose at when they see his room). Next to his bed is a toddler sized upholstered rocking chair that I salvaged from the roadside and slip-covered (so it is totally machine washable now). His clothes and cloth diapers are in a dresser near his closet, and we will start offering him a couple choices a day when we get a little closet shelf to place those options on. The changing table has been out of his room for a few months now because he enjoys acrobatic diaper changes, and we've gone to the changing pad on the floor method, which works well. He has a small basket for a laundry hamper and delights in putting his dirty clothes in it. I still have my rocking chair in his room because we do occasionally rock with him, and we sometimes like to sit in a chair while we are with him in his room.

Decorations: This area is a little bit lacking (still). I have added a series of black and white African animal photos above his shelf at his eye level. I also framed three 5x7 art-show postcards from a local artist that feature abstract paintings in different color families above his laundry hamper. He often takes them down for a closer look, which is totally safe because they are framed in cheap IKEA frames with plastic "glass fronts." He also has a lamp on his shelf that we use when he is winding down.

Toileting: recently he has shown an interest in his little toilet. It is a cheap one from IKEA, and he generally sits on it backward, but he does have an interest. He is also becoming proficient at signing and saying "poop" when he has one in his diaper... we're working on getting a little warning for that one! As long as he has an interest we will let him sit on his toilet in the restroom while we give him all of the "potty language" we will be using: pee, poop, toilet, clean, dry, diaper, etc. Our goal is not early potty training, but rather to help him communicate with us when he has that need and offer the little toilet as often as he is interested. He doesn't seem to have an aversion to wetness yet, despite being in cloth diapers for the past several months.

Outdoor exploration: Our back yard is an open area for exploration at this point. He plays with sticks and rocks he finds on the ground, often enjoys climbing over garden barriers and examining the trees. He also enjoys going to the park and climbing the play structures and swinging. Over the weekend we discovered that he enjoys swinging in a regular child swing (as opposed to the infant/toddler swings). The one at my parents' house is low enough to the ground that he could almost get into it on his own, and we stayed with him any time he was swinging.

Things to come: I will be adding to his room a small kitchen mat in a basket that he can use to delineate a workspace, as his toys become more complex, and as the number of peices increase.

In the area of decoration, I would like to have some family photos printed and hung at his level throughout the house and in the hallway. I want to sew some curtains for his window and a curtain for his closet. His room also needs a full length mirror (his length) and a table and chair for dressing and grooming and working. I just found out my neighbor is a woodworking hobbyist, so maybe he can help out in this arena... I think some homemade bread is in order!

Outside I would like to begin a garden with him, so he can harvest himself a little snack when he is outside and taste herbs. It would also be great for digging and watering. I will probably be buying a kiddie pool to keep back there for the summer (which lasts approximately 7 months in Houston). I want to paint the mini adirondack chair we have for him to relax. I would like to add an outdoor shelf to put some garden tools and watering can.

In the kitchen I would like to start some basic cooking with him. Maybe I'll pull in a low table so we can do projects down low (and I'm going to scout craigslist for a learning tower, to get him up to counter height). We'll try some breads and maybe some sauces or dips for veggies and crackers.

For art, I would like to invest in some high quality "block" crayons, since he is not ready for a pencil grip these allow him to hold on with his whole hand and are thick rectangular prisms that seem pretty difficult to break (I had a dream that they were super cheap at walmart, but that is indeed only a dream). I would also like to reconstitute some of my clay from the garage and pull out my wooden tools and ribs for him to play around with some ceramics... never to be glazed (unless i can find a friend with a kiln... Vindictive Pottery or Anne the Potter, maybe?) I would also like to purchase some art prints and frame some that I already have at his level around the house, probably on a rotating basis. As Maria would say "the best for the smallest among us!"

I'm also wanting to situate the communal areas to accommodate Dominic. Right now we have gates up blocking the living space off from the hallway because we don't want him to have open access to the kitchen and living room (lots of breakables and electronics... oh and gas stoves), but I would like to have a little nook for him in each of these spaces so he can feel more at home. This includes getting the learning tower and possibly investing in one of those expensive Svan high chairs so he can climb right up to the table (since he is quite the monkey). I also want to find some nice toddler chairs on the cheap (like the Michael Olaf option). Another idea is creating a playroom in our in-progress guest room.

So that is the current status... we will also be making some changes to welcome baby brother to the homestead... so we are guaranteed to be derailed from many of these projects and pick up others along the way. What are you guys up to on the homefront? Any tips for getting it more accessible for toddlers? Know where to find any of the "wishlist" items for cheap? Know how to insert photos in these dang posts? Help? I hope you are all well, and would love to hear what you are up to!

Pregnancy, Babies, and Gear, OH MY! Part 3: Nursing Gear

2009-12-05T14:13:00.003-06:00

Breastfeeding Gear/Tips:

Medela Breast Pump (Freestyle, Harmony, or Pump in Style): I refused that I would ever pump breast milk... I'm not a dairy cow. In retrospect, I wish I had one from the beginning (even just the Harmony manual pump). When you first start nursing, your body will produce much more than baby can take in, and it HURTS like hell! A pump can help relieve just enough pressure, and breastmilk can be frozen to use at later times (if you need to go out, when you are weaning to a bottle, etc.). I kick myself that I didn't pump for relief at the beginning (Dominic might still have breastmilk instead of expensive formula, too).

GlamourMom Nursing Tanks: I'm small chested, and didn't like any nursing bras I tried out. These tanks are easy to nurse in, and they look just like a spaghetti strap shirt. They were comfy and easy to use... I wore them religiously when I was nursing and pumping.

The Gillian O'Malley nursing tanks from Target are good too; the closure is easier to use, but they have less coverage when you open them up to nurse. When I was nursing, they only came in Black, White, and Grey. I saw a whole rack of them in snappy colors last week at target; they're only about $15 each, too, making them cheaper than the GlamourMom tops.

Gerber Prefold Cloth Diapers... for Burp Cloths: nice to have on hand espeically when getting started with breastfeeding; tuck one into your shirt/bra the first couple months when you brestfeed to avoid major leakage/sprayage all over your clothes, bed, wall, husband, baby, etc. This was one of the best tips I got from a friend when I was changing shirts every couple hours because of leaks and spills while nursing. For a while (when I was engorged), I would keep a few in the freezer, then take one out fold it up and put it across my chest like a tube top under my nursing tank for relief and leak protection. Also great for mopping up spit-up.

Pregnancy, Babies, and Gear, OH MY! Part 2: Gear

2009-12-05T14:11:00.001-06:00

Gear Recommendations:

Sling/Carrier:

ZoloWear Sling: a ring sling that is super easy to adjust, wash, and carry. Easy and discreet for nursing newborns in public, useful even at 11 months for Dominic (we use it when we take him to Mass, and I sometimes walk with him around the block in it). Pretty much any ring sling will work this way, but I recommend finding one (like the Zolo) that has a zipper pouch for 1 diaper, wipes, keys, and cell while you're out and about.

5 Yards of Jersey Cotton from the Fabric Store: Use it like the Sleepy Wrap or the Moby Wrap, and get two for the price of one when you cut it in half. Share one with your friend who just had a baby. This option divides the weight on both shoulders, so it is easier on the back. I was able to nurse Dominic as a newborn in this one sometimes (hit or miss) and it was tricky to get him into it when he was wailing to eat. This one is nice for carrying forward facing after 4-6 months, carrying on your back, or carrying mom-facing. It is much more tricky to get the baby in and out of, especially if you are also trying to worry about a diaper bag or shopping bags.

Bed:

Amby Baby: pretty expensive "cocoon sleeper," suspended by a spring, so when baby wakes or stirs in the night, it gently rocks according to baby's movements. Dominic slept through the night around 2 months in this... very comfy for him. He outgrew it around 6 months when he was ready to sleep on his tummy on his floor bed. We bought ours on craigslist for less than half the retail price, and very gently used. They've been recalled, and they promise a fix, so keep an eye out for that.

Montessori Floor Bed:basically an IKEA 3-part twin mattress on the floor in a totally baby-safe room. This concept allows for the most freedom of movement and independence for infants. We like that when Dominic wakes up he can play in his room happily right when he wakes up (no fussing to get him out of a crib). A challenge has been that we didn't start a good bedtime routine early, so when he became mobile he would crawl off and become fussy from being so tired and wound up. It took a lot of will power to stick with it, and it is getting to a point that we can leave the room with him awake but drowsy and he goes to sleep on his own. An added bonus is that he will sometimes crawl over to it and fall asleep on it completely unprompted, while he is playing independently in his room (with me down the very short hall on the computer).

Carseat/Stroller:

Maxi Cosi Mico Infant Carrier: releasing this from the base is a little trickier than the Graco or Chicco. The seat is very comfy for the baby, and the design is very mod. Canopy/sunshade only extends half-way, which is a bummer sometimes.

For a travel system we used it with:

Maxi Cosi Pearle Stroller: an Umbrella style stroller that also adapts to hold the infant carrier. This is a one shop stroller that is infinitely smaller than the typical "travel system." Easy to maneuver while shopping or out in pedestrian areas (Rice Village, Galleria, Airports, you name it, we've maneuvered this there!) This is ultra-compact for storing in the car or house (or apartment).

We loved this system for traveling with a 7 month old (that's why we switched to it, actually). Dominic was small enough for the infant carrier, but the other travel system was too bulky/heavy to maneuver easily through an airport (with luggage) while also stowing under the plane easily. This and the carseat both fit into the same travel stroller bag (made for the larger travel system strollers only... so it is one less case to store if you will be flying with a baby).

Other Carseats/Strollers we tried:

Graco Snug Rider Infant Carrier: pretty comfy carseat for infants, easily removable/washable cover, full range sun sheild/canopy (very nice!). Handle a bit uncomfortable if carrying hooked over your elbow... only one side is rounded, the other has an uncomfortable edge, which was totally lame when out and about.
Baby Trend Snap'n'go Stroller: lightweight stroller frame specifically for use with infant carriers; it does not have a seat, so it is pretty much finished when the child outgrows the infant seat (around 20-23 lbs). Much easier to maneuver in tight spaces than a travel system stroller, and much simpler to load/unload from the car. When folded it takes up half the space of a typical travel system stroller, takes up twice the space of the Maxi Cosi Pearle, but weighs about half as much as either of the other strollers.
Graco Metrolite Stroller: the lightest of the big travel system strollers (that we found, anyway), though it is still quite cumbersome. It was really bulky, despite its smaller size, and too big for tight maneuvering (like shopping at a mall, IKEA, or on tight sidewalks). We quickly ditched this, although it may be a nice stroller for older children if you are interested in a big stroller for outings at grassy parks or on rough terrain? I just can't see myself having enough trunk space for it, even if it is a little more cushy for the baby! The storage under the seat was easy to get to, the shade was nice, and the handle was adjustable, if you are looking for this type of big stroller.

High Chair:

IKEA Antilop: The least expensive high chair option on the market ($20, or $25 with tray), the most compact/collapsible, and the most practical. Completely made of plastic and metal legs, this is the most parent friendly high chair. It is totally wipe-able, there is no padding or crevices to trap crumbs or splatters. It has a detachable tray, or it can be used pulled up to a table. Cushions can be purchased separately and are machine wash/dry-able; the cushion makes the fit a little better for smaller babies or those who are just learning to sit independently. My parents got this one as a spare for Dominic to use, and now it is Riley's high chair, and they are going to be donating their $200-300 high chair to Project Gabriel because this one is so good. It renders pricey Peg Perego highchairs obsolete! I even saw it in a parenting magazine as the top pick. Today we wiped some week-old goo off of this thing without any scrubbing... heaven!

IKEA Spolling: This is the first highchair we bought for our house because it folds flat (to fit against the wall in a tight space). It does not have a tray, and it is made of a wipeable or machine washable fabric seat on a metal folding frame. This one is really cute and has a handy pocket on the back, but the lack of tray and crevices in the fabric make it more difficult to manage... It costs 2x the Antilop, and we're thinking about cutting our losses and buying the Antilop to replace it. You may be interested in the idea of just pulling your kid up to the table, but in the end you'll probably prefer a tray on the high chair to contain the mess.

Play Mat:

IKEA Leka Baby Gyms (Soft and Wooden): I recommend getting both. Dominic has LOVED the wooden one, and now that he is starting to walk, he will push it along the wood floors and pull up on it to play with the hanging toys from above. When he was younger he loved the soft baby gym at my parents' house. It was a nice pad to lay him on, easily machine washable, and the attached and removeable toys were very entertaining for him, the toy arch was also detachable if you just want to use it as a mat. To date, the wooden gym is one of Dominic's favorite toys, and it encourages gripping, exploration, mechanical thinking, and independence of movement (as an aid to standing and walking... it is very sturdy for only $25) We got a very expensive play mat at a shower, and wish we'd gotten 10 other things instead of that, since these were so good!

Changing Table:

The top of a dresser with a changing pad. Easy if you have a short dresser. ... or...
IKEA Spolling: Fold-up table with ample pocket storage. We LOVE this. It is easy to keep everything on hand, and if we were crunched for space, we could just fold it in half and stick it in a closet or against the wall, which will be nice for storing it in between babies.

Other Gear you will appreciate:

Wipe Warmer: no cold hineys in the middle of the night... I thought this was silly until i put a cold wet wipe on a sleeping newborn's bottom... no fun.

Munchkin Plastic Spoons: they hold more baby food than the standard coated metal spoons, and more importantly, the shape helps keep the food on the spoon while feeding! Mealtime is much cleaner now that we have these. They are available at most grocery stores.

Wubba Nub Pacifier: If you plan to use a pacifier, this one is the hospital-issue soothie attached to a soft stuffed animal (almost like a beanie baby). It holds the pacifier in place for a newborn, and for older babies, gives them something to help grasp the pacifier to get it into the mouth. Pacimals is a similar product that has a removable pacifier, but it is much bigger than the Wubba Nub.

Columbia Diaper Bag: Looks like a computer messenger bag... nice for dads to carry without looking totally metrosexual. It holds a ton of gear. Great for dropping off kids with a babysitter/grandma, or taking a kid to daycare. I'm moving out of the spit up and blow-out diaper stage, so I'm about to trade for one that just holds 2 diapers, wipes, and mom necessities (phone, wallet, etc), so it will be easier for me to manage on days I'm just making small trips, we'll hang onto the big one for Ryan and Nana to use.

And now in List Form, excluding the stuff we would have skipped on a second time around...

Columbia Diaper Bag

Wipe Warmer

Munchkin Spoons

IKEA Spolling Changing Table

IKEA Leka Baby Gym (Wooden, and Soft)

IKEA Antilop High Chair

Maxi Cosi Mico Infant Carrier

Maxi Cosi Perle Stroller

Amby Baby Bed

Matress for the Floor Bed (I know, it seems crazy)

ZoloWear Sling

In the words of one of my 5-yr-old students when I was leaving for maternity leave, "Happy Baby!"

Pregnancy, Babies, and Gear, OH MY! Part 1: Preparation and Delivery Tips

2009-11-29T15:08:00.005-06:00

So, it has been a year since Dominic was born. I found out a few months ago that one of my favorite people, my cousin Becca, is expecting a baby. I told her I would send her a list of some of my favorite gear... and about 5000 words later (I haven't actually counted) I had a monster list of gear reviews, labor and delivery suggestions, and nursing tips. So I figured more people might be interested in my thoughts (I'm so vain), and decided to post it here for my 4 readers (some of whom already have their own baby manifestos).

Before Delivering the Baby--Preparation for the Hospital:

Make a Birth Plan!!! I recommend the book Easy Labor for a run-down of all the pain management options and how they work. I felt prepared for anything that was thrown at me during my delivery because I knew the affects of different options. Great book. You'll love it when you're getting close to the due date!
Get a Doula: If it is not totally out of the budget, hire a doula (heck, even if it is out of the budget). Get pregnancy massages from her, go to her birthing class, listen to what she has to say, and have her there the whole time you are at the hospital for delivery. Labor & Delivery nurses at the hospital are in charge of several women in labor at a time, and they will not be by your side while you are in labor. They mainly come by to stick their gloved fingers where no gloved finger should ever go, adjust your drugs (if you want them), and take your vitals regularly. They have a very important job, especially during delivery, but it is difficult for them to do that job and offer full-time support to the 5 laboring mothers in their care. Husbands are great for support, too, but a doula has assisted in tons of births, whereas your husband (probably) has only seen national geographic. The doula is super helpful when your teary eyed husband is worn out from seeing his wife in a ton of pain, and she can even help with crowd control if you expect a lot of people to show up at your door while you're having contractions. A doula can be somewhat expensive (in Housotn, anyway), but it is 100% worth it to have an expert who knows you personally and is also slightly removed from you in the delivery room to keep you and your husband calm. Mine even took some awesome and graphic photos of the birth... not too graphic, but it's like you're a fly on the wall!

Visitor Warnings: Let people know in advance if they will be able to visit you during labor and delivery. You may want to let people know that you'll call them after the baby is born, so they will not be disappointed if they miss out on an "on the way to the hospital" call. We let everyone know we were at the hospital (Christmas Eve - Christmas Day), and told them we'd call when Dominic was born, and it was perfect. Nobody twiddling thumbs in the hospital waiting room, or worse, knocking on the door to see how things are going. You never know who will expect that they can be present for your glamorous birthing event.

Freeze some meals. Spaghetti sauce (or any sauce, really) freezes well, and it will be simple to heat up for dinner when you get home with your baby and you are hungry and tired. Soups, stews, chilis, and casseroles also freeze nicely.

Screw packing a hospital bag the size of your honeymoon luggage! They tell you to bring too much stuff that you don't need on the lists from the hospital. All I used from my hospital bag were: toiletries, one nightgown/sleepwear (hospital gowns could fit 5 of me comfortably in them, and they suck for jammies, but make a great robe when worn backwards), a pair of socks or slippers, and my electronics (laptop, camera, phone, ipod, chargers... packed moments before leaving for the hospital). You'll also want your own pillow, but I think that goes without saying, and usually does not fit in a bag. The hospital has all the blankets, baby stuff, medical stuff you could possibly need (even disposable underwear, and trust me, you don't want to deal with your own underwear right after giving birth), and it is silly to bring half of your apartment with you to sit in the corner of a tiny hospital room for a couple days. I even wore the same clothes home that I had worn into the hospital when I went into labor, since my water broke at the hospital when I was already in a hospital gown... easy. Oh, and the baby carseat... you can't leave the hospital without it... and you will want to get out of that room!

Caution: This next one is not for the faint of heart... Explicit birthing content follows:

Be aware that the muscles you use to poop are the same muscles you use to push out a baby. So you are essentially going to have a 6-10lb poop of a baby when you go to the hospital (your baby is not poop, your baby is precious, but during hard labor you want to push like you are pooping so it will be over faster). Pushing will take much less time if you just push as though you were having a monster BM... watch your husband while he poops, that will give you an idea of how it works. I only pushed for 15 minutes, because I knew about this and I was finished being in labor and hungry. Emergency C-sections happen when mothers get too worn out to push any more because they were not pushing the right way for an hour or more, depending on the doctor. Less pushing = less pain.

That's me and Dominic. Isn't that a cute pic? Courtesy of the nurse or doula who grabbed my camera during the delivery.

Good Bye, Disco Counter. Adieu.

2009-11-15T15:47:00.000-06:00

I snapped. This week in a fit of being sick and tired of being sick and tired in bed, I went to home depot, bought a sample-sized jar of paint (dark ash), two fitty-cent foam paint brushes, and a quart of semi-gloss water-based polyurethane.

I sanded the countertop, removed the glass wall shelf, blue-taped the edge of our posh yellow sink, and went to town with my $15 materials. I painted a few layers of dark ash, then applied 3 (and counting) layers of polyurethane. My current beef with the project is that I keep getting tiny bubbles while using the fitty-cent foam brushes. I am planning on going back to home depot for a splurgy paint brush to finish the finish on the counter.

Not to jump the gun, but it already looks like a million bucks. I should put it in perspective, though, a week ago I had a cream colored formica countertop with fashionable 1970s gold flecks all over it. For $15 and some elbow grease I have a slate gray (I mean, Dark Ash) countertop that coordinates with my towels.

Next up, replacing the p-trap and posh yellow cast iron sink with chips in it... not the kind of chips I eat with salsa.

Adventures of a Montessori Floor Bed

2009-11-15T15:26:00.003-06:00

This afternoon was a momentous occasion for my faith in our Montessori floor bed.

For months now, Dominic has had the urge to start climbing the walls and crawling around as soon as we put him down to sleep on his floor bed. If we left him in the room awake, he would crawl out into the hallway fussing, until we would snap and go pick him up to try it again (over and over and over again). A huge hurdle was taking his door out of the attic and reattaching it to the hinge. For a couple weeks we've been able to rest easy that he won't be roaming the hallway after we leave his room. We still find ourselves slapping our foreheads when we step on a creaky board, awakening Dominic after 3o minutes of patting his back and returning us to square one for sleep time.

So this morning was no different for the morning nap. He had his bottle on his bed, turned onto his belly and started to crawl around on his bed (kind of like he's trying to get comfortable). I patted his back and tried to tiptoe out several times, each time stepping on a creaky board or awakening him by the door squeaking shut. Finally I was able to sneak out, close his door and make it down the hall without him waking up, and he took a decent morning nap.

This afternoon after he ate some delicious chicken soup mush (a la leftovers in a food processor), he was rubbing his eyes. I made his bottle, changed his diaper, put him on his bed with the bottle, returned his few toys to the shelf, straightened his blankets and sat with him while he finished his bottle. As soon as he finished the bottle he headed straight for his new stuffed bear by his shelf. I picked him and the bear up, and placed them both on his bed amidst the blankets. I turned and walked out of the room with him wide awake snuggling his bear.

Moments later he was fussing at his door, and before I could get up to comfort him, he was babbling away, crawling and playing in his room. I thought "clearly he is not yet tired, I misread the eye rubbing, I'll just let him play". Not thirty minutes later, his room was completely quiet. I walked down the hall to see if he'd fallen asleep on the hardwood floor or the shelf under the changing table. I peeked under the door to discover that he'd crawled back onto his bed and fallen asleep. EUREEKA!!

This is exactly what I've been waiting for. I knew that in theory he should be able to play in his room and go over to his bed when he's tired. In theory the play yard should be in its case in the top of the closet until we go on vacation to an un-baby-proofed place, but it is open and ready for action in his room. Today, though, rather than resorting to the play yard for containment when I was "positive that he was sleepy after one eye rub," I tested the theory, with certainty that Dominic was just going to miss his afternoon nap since he was so ready to play. Surprise! I was wrong, and now I'm listening to cars drive by blasting thumping latin music and the sounds of a quiet house with a sleeping baby! In theory I am taking down the play yard because of this awesome break-through, but I'll probably keep it up a few more days to test the theory a bit more.

Normalization, anyone?

2009-09-20T12:12:00.000-05:00

Normalization is that process in which children entering a Montessori environment come to be at peace and at home in their setting. They grow into a work cycle, begin to interact as a community, and become all around pretty settled. We're a ways a way I think at school, though we do have settled moments here and there. The beginning of the year is always an adjustment, though.

At home I sometimes wonder if I'll ever reach a state of normalization. The house gets clean, then it falls apart at the start of the next project. Right now it is clean, but there are the lingering projects of cleaning the garage and converting the junk room to a guest bedroom/media room.

I was definitely pretty pumped to clear the clutter from the top of my dresser, get my shoes into my shoes-under (stupidest invention ever, by the way, and we bought it!), and make the bed two days in a row (this is a record unsurpassed in my lifetime). There are only a couple bags in the entryway, which I will try to clear out before bed tonight, and a corner of the dining room is still a bit of a mess while I am in the middle of my tablecloth alterations for school.

I am ready to put some art on the walls and call this place home for a while, though! We'll just call it a settled moment on the road to normalization.

We're home!

2009-06-09T20:08:00.000-05:00

Well, I snapped. I had never read a blog a couple months ago, and after getting hooked on a few house and baby blogs, I had to start one.

It has taken over a week for me to actually take the plunge; my blog title wasn't available, I didn't like the alternatives, etc.

So, here is where the Smith's will spill it.