Monday, March 14, 2011

Musings on Motherhood

I drank one too many caffeinated beverages tonight, and I am now sitting awake stalking the Facebook newsfeed... I'm hitting refresh every 3 seconds... I can feel my blood running in my veins.  The upside:  I'm clearly "over" my caffeine addiction if I feel this way after only 2 sodas.

In an attempt to keep things fresh and funky.  Funky fresh, if you will.  I plan to start typing here more often, even if it means it is totally rambly, ranty, ridiculous, raucous, rumpus, r-words!  This evening while stalking facebook catching up with friends, I found myself reminiscing about the early days of motherhood, and felt I should share those thoughts with a broader audience (ahem, 200+ pageviews a month for the past 6 months!  Blog visited from 4 continents last month... cah-ray-zee)

In the early days of motherhood...

  • I thought my brain was going to explode from sleep deprivation and sensory overload and that my heart was going to explode because I couldn't sleep because I just wanted to stay up and love Dominic with my whole self while fully awake.
  • I sometimes went to IKEA just to have some human interaction beyond interaction with a fully dependent baby - sometimes ordering and eating a 50 cent hot dog felt like the most thrilling part of my day.
  • Some days I could not stop myself from crying because I was so happy.  I worried Ryan alot in the first weeks, because I was happy to the point of crying a lot.
  • There were times that I just wanted to sleep another 5 minutes (but that was nothing new for me... I've had those times since I was born!).
  • I am still overwhelmed by how helpful Ryan is with baby duties.
  • Single parents amaze me, and they deserve to be on the front of every issue of TIME magazine.  Period.  I cannot even fathom the sacrifice it takes to be a single mother, and at the same time I have a pretty good idea. 
  • Ryan's love for our sons is a constant reminder that I married the right man.  I knew he'd be a great daddy before we were married, but he has exceeded that expectation since we became parents.
  • I totally forgot about the misery that was my pregnancies and turned all of that nauseous energy into snuggly-kissy energy.
As things started getting normal...
  • I was surprised by how natural motherhood was and continues to be.  I'll admit that I did very little reading about "how to be a mom," the reading I did seemed totally crazy.  
  • I learned within a couple hours of giving birth that sometimes doctors and nurses are just plain nuts.  "You want me to wake my sleeping baby to feed him?  Don't you think he'll wake up when he is hungry?  I've heard that they are born with a drive to live... which seems to indicate that they will not starve themselves... I'll wake him up if he goes 6 hours without eating or stirring, otherwise, I'm going to have to ask you to leave my room if you think waking a sleeping baby is a good idea." (that was a thought that I conveyed by smiling and nodding at the nurses and doctors who gave that type of INSANE advice... you know, since my child was healthy at birth... had he been in the NICU, I might have had a little compassion for those doctors and nurses)  Sometimes doctors and nurses are still nuts, and I will confide here that my children are fine, grow normally, are developing on a normal course, and I have never woken them up to feed them... they let me know when they are hungry.
  • What?  How did I ever get peed on in those first weeks?  Changing diapers is so fast and easy!
  • I started to wonder why people were shocked that I was ALREADY getting out of the house.
  • The baby's own unfolding captivated me; I realized that providing a safe and appropriate environment is all they need!  (and a booby when they're hungry)
  • The Babies'R'Us gift registry list looked more like a hilarious joke than a list of necessities... a swing, bouncer, bumbo, exersaucer, AND playmat?  Haha, that still kind of tickles me.  We have a playmat.  Only a playmat.  Sometimes we use a bouncer or swing at my parents' house, but they are hardly necessities.  Sometimes I think a cardboard box would have been just as effective as a playmat... save your money and avoid the pressure to succumb to all of those money draining "necessities"... remember, BRU is in the business of making money off of your insecurity about being a parent (particularly in the registry department).  I'll try to stop telling you what to do now.
  • I started giving "mom advice" totally unsolicited, which helped me to feel a little more empathetic to the moms who gave me that unsolicited advice, and made me feel hopeful that my friends will forgive me for "being an expert"... at everything.  Really, though, sorry; I will practice biting my tongue.
  • Some suggestions were hard to try, but turned out to be the best suggestions ever.  Being firm about limits, for instance, was one of the hardest things to try, but became a source of great confidence and happiness.  "no, the scooter does not go in the pool"
When I became a mother to another...
  • WHAT?!  NO!  I HATE BEING PREGNANT!  THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!  AWW... WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER BABY!  I LOVE OUR BABIES!...followed by sobbing, and inability to drink my milk tea.  (All the while, Ryan smiling like a kid on Christmas... again... and his reaction was the right reaction... again... my hormones always seem to get the better of me in that moment)
  • I was thankful that the saved baby clothes had not yet made it up to the attic, and (still am) baffled that our receiving blankets, burp cloths, and some nice diapering supplies are completely vanished.
  • One was suddenly quite simple and quite hard at the same time (perhaps because it was actually no longer just one).
  • Diaper changes were shockingly simple.  How did I EVER get peed on with Dominic?
  • Why was I worried that Dominic would suddenly morph into a nightmare of a child?  He always has been laid back, and remains to this day a very easy-going child.  He has an occasional tantrum (do not get me wrong, he HAS. HIS. TANTRUMS.), but I think that is because he is two, not because I have two.
  • I discovered that it IS possible for my love to increase 100-fold, again.  There is nothing as captivating as the velvety skin of a newborn baby.  Oh, those first moments are the most precious moments of my life (at the birth of both of my sons).
  • The miracle that is giving birth still totally boggles my mind.  At the same time that I totally amaze myself that I did that, I totally refuse to believe that it is even possible that I did that... did that really happen?!
That is all for now, and the caffeine has started to wear off, so I will not be editing this for spelling and grammar errors (if you catch one, comment, and I'll fix it... your cooperation and assistance is appreciated).  What are some of your thoughts on parenthood?

1 comment:

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