Playful Learning

Friends, I am bursting with joy to share my most recent endeavor!  For the first time in my life, I have (or have made) time for leisure reading in the past 6 months - a hobby I intend to continue - and for Christmas my mom gave me the book Playful Learning Spaces by Mariah Bruehl.  I am fangoriously devouring it.  Fangoriously... gold star if you catch that reference from the early 2000s.  It is loaded with great information about stages of development in different areas of learning (art, math, writing, etc), and she offers suggestions for creating meaningful play and learning experiences for children of all ages and developmental levels.

Last week we cleared our junk room to host some dear friends who were in town from Michigan, and the guest room without guests in it, is our new family studio.  If you can imagine, the room was stacked with boxes and toys and outgrown clothes and craft supplies from wall to wall waist-high just over a week ago, and now we have a clean studio space!

Guest room from the door that we were unable to fully open a week ago.  The towels and blankets (on the shelf) will return to the linen closet in the hall until we are expecting guests.

Our expandable day bed is back to twin-size, and the shelves are ready for new activities for the children.  We'll be adding an easel and table to the space along with some playful and carefully designed art, writing, science, and math activities (some of which may end up on the kitchen and living room shelves... we can't cram everything into one room!).

View looking back toward the door (to the left out of view) and curtained closet.  The toys and books on the shelf were just a couple things to help our mini overnight guest feel at home.

A big open wall and a couple pop-arty pictures to hang on a wall somewhere.

  I already have little piles of in-progress work toward the goal of breathing life into our studio space.

The paints will likely remain in a closet with a tray/palate on the shelf, so we can be more aware of when they are ready for projects with higher potential for destroying rugs and walls. :)  They paint often, just with supervision to ensure that the paints are not being abused.

In addition to reading and enjoying Mariah's book, I have registered for her Playful Learning E-course, which should help fuel and direct my aspirations for our studio and our home.  She has a beautiful studio in her own home, and it has been a major source of hope/inspiration to me in the past year since I discovered her website and blog: playfullearning.net  Here is a video trailer for the e-course, in case you might be interested in joining... I'm already in, so say the word and we can be buddies in this process.  I hope to share some of my work for the course here on the blog!

NaBloPoMo?

So, I hear it is national blog post month (NaBloPoMo).  I trust that this is not a made-up-thing by Kristen over at Birthing Beautiful Ideas.  At any rate, a couple of my other favorite bloggers did some 31-day series(es?) in October and I was pretty impressed by the idea.

Jules, who blogs at Pancakes and French Fries, did 31 Days of William Morris, using the quote "Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful," to bring some order to her home.  Edie over at Life in Grace did 31 Days to Rebuild Your House and Heart, to recap the past year(?) of rebuilding her home after a fire that destroyed all of her family's worldly possessions.  There were a few others, including Sandy at Reluctant Entertainer (who is having a giveaway of a KitchenAid food processor and a copy of her book today), and if I'm not mistaken the Nester started it, but I just couldn't commit to reading more than 2 series (in fact, I read them kind of novel-style over the past week... not great for productivity, but excellent for inspiration).

After reading the amazing stories of those two moms and the deliberate approach they took to "feathering their nests" over the past month, I am feeling moved to do SOMETHING at home over the next 30 days (well, 28, since it is already 9pm on Nov. 2).  I have as many ideas and inspiration as I have dirty dishes and stacks of paper in my house - and I guarantee you, that is a lot.  Because I work much better in a crunch, I'll treat this like a homework assignment for a class that I really like and we'll see what happens (I rarely did homework for the classes I didn't like).

I have a wonderfully orderly husband, and I am feeling an urge to become a bit more deliberate about the order in our home.  Also, I think I'll spend some time on being a more deliberate parent - taking some inspiration from Kristen at her gloriously thoughtful and genuine blog about life and babies and mothering and all manner of good stuff, as well as some of the books I've been reading lately (and, you know, all that Montessori stuff I have rattling around upstairs).  I already tackled the floor and hanging bar of the entryway closet and cleared out a ton of junk (without taking before pictures, woopsy), and tonight I'm going to finish the top shelf full of games and tiny baby winter-wear.  Look for pictures tomorrow along with another exhilarating post (oh, and maybe a clever title to this endeavor?... thoughts?... suggestions?)

Human Tendencies: Order

As I stated in my previous post, I'm spending some time reflecting on the ways we as parents can better understand our children and better provide for their development by knowing their innate human tendencies.  These tendencies - exploration, orientation, order, communication, abstraction/imagination, exactness, repetition, self-perfection, self control, control of error, and purposeful activity/work - are observable in everything our children do.  Perhaps I will not notice every single tendency at work each time I watch my child, but I'll tell you, without reservation, that in watching our children we can always observe varied levels of subtlety of these basic internal drives.

Order enables us to put things into relationships, and in this sense, it is neither rigid nor compulsory.  Montessori observed a characteristic of children through the age of six called the "Absorbent Mind."  With this power, available only in those first six years, children take everything in fully and without discrimination (as a picture developed on film).  As children take in the external "order" of their worlds with their wholly absorbent and indiscriminate minds, they begin to develop their own internal orders based on their experience with the world around them.  Physical order leads to mental order.  External order is not limited to the arrangement of a space or tidiness, but also includes sequencing (a logical sequence preferable).  Order also relates to the child's communication, as each language has its own particular order - think of how silly the literal translation of Spanish to English can sound because of the internalized order of our language... "the shirt blue" instead of "the blue shirt."

Not only is each child born with a tendency for order, but also between the ages of six months and five years, children are in a sensitive period for the development of order.  Montessori observed that during periods of sensitivity, a person more fully, clearly, and perfectly acquires the object of sensitivity through an irresistible impulse for a selective activity.  So during this period, children are passionate about the ordering of the world around them, and they can be almost ritualistic in their love of the order of routine.  This love of order is deeply connected to the child's sense of security, comfort, and stability.  During this time of sensitivity it is important for children to find consistency in their environment, in their daily activity, in their routines, and (equally importantly) in the rules for their freedom and limitations (for what is and is not acceptable).

"So that's a heck of a lot of theory, Renee," you might be thinking, "and my child is in no way 'orderly'... you can come and observe it for yourself, you crazy philosopher!"  Rest assured, I hear where you are coming from, and now I do have some practical ideas for fostering this tendency for order.

Because they are drawing from the external environment to construct their internal order, the environment is one of the best starting points for helping our children toward a clear internal order.  Consider for a moment, that an extremely orderly/organized system to an adult, can appear to be a chaotic mess to a child.  For the most clear example of this, think about a toy box.  Imagine opening the lid and looking in - or take a moment and walk over to a toy box to actually look in.  What do you see?  Toys.  Yes, good start.  As an adult having toys all in one place is the accomplishment to end all accomplishments!  But now consider what your child's life consists of... (a heck of a lot of toys, right?).

Now humor me, and think about what your life consists of... (hair-care regiments, bills, work papers, kitchen utensils, laundry, gardening tools, CD collections, books, clothes, hobbies, that spare bedroom full of stuff, all of your kids toys).  Now, for the sake of this exercise, throw all of those things into a box... all of them... bills, hair products, pots and pans, formal wear, your iPad, that vase you got for your wedding,  gardening gear... all of it.  What do you see in the box?  It's ok, step out for some fresh air, dab the sweat from your forehead... this is just an exercise... perhaps a very uncomfortable one, depending on how orderly you are.  Now imagine what your child sees when they look into the toy box - chaos, their very distinct toys and activities (their livelihood) junked into a box.  I just had a flashback to my high school bedroom during that exercise!

I know, you're thinking, "But, Renee, it is so much easier to throw my kids toys into one box when I clean up at the end of the day or before our guests arrive at our house."  My response:  "You have to clean up after your kids?"  I jest.  My life involves some cleaning up after my kid (and I only have one that is mobile, so I can feel your eye lasers, mothers of more than one mobile child! I'll be joining you very soon).  When everything is in a jumble there is no inherent motivation for order - it all just gets heaped in and the bottom layer becomes visual noise for the higher layers and it can become impossible to see any one thing in the jumble.  So, now we're going to play WWMD (What would Montessori do?).

1. Use open shelving within the children's reach.  Choose a simple shelf that can serve as a relatively neutral backdrop to your child's toys and activities.  (suggestions for that big box in a moment)
2. Weed through your child's toys.  Is it appropriate for her age?  Is it in good repair?  Get rid of things that are neither, or put things away that will be used by another child down the road.  Another (personal) criteria that I use in weeding, is that anything that makes noise that I cannot stand is a goner... I supplement the need for music with real music and real musical instruments that do not enrage me with their nuisance... sometimes I just remove batteries if a toy serves another non-annoying function.  If you are not annoyed by your child's toys, keep them and do not tell anyone that I told you that you "have to" get rid of them - that's not how I roll... these are suggestions for order, not orders.
3. Before you put any of the age-appropriate toys in-good-repair on the shelf, think about what your child actually plays with.  By "actually plays with," I mean spends time using as it is intended - not just picking it up and tossing it aside to get to the next thing.  This step will require a little observation, and is more of a process than a "do it, did it, done" type of step.  
4. The younger the child, the fewer things should be accessible at any time (for 2 and 3-yr-olds, a good rule is no more than 3 items per shelf).  Begin putting the bare essential minimum of things that she loves and uses daily on the shelf (maybe the train set in its own special container, a puzzle, and a favorite truck).  Observe to see how this changes the way your child plays - my prediction is that your child will spend more focused time with the few activities she loves.
5. Keep the excess toys in a place that you can get to them to rotate with the ones on the shelf.  As your child stops playing with one toy, remove it and offer something new.  Maybe use the former toy-box for this purpose in a closet or in a different room.
6. Group similar things together (just like you separate your hair products from your kitchen utensils).  Baskets of similar things are a great way to offer a variety of things in an orderly way.  We have a basket full of percussion instruments on the living room shelf, a tray of cars on the kitchen shelf, and a tray with a few dinosaur cards on Dominic's bedroom shelf.  Don't overcrowd with too many of the same type of thing (one or two puzzles at a time).  If you have to stack it, simplify it, and use the rotation strategy.  A note about containers - if your child cannot see into it, she will likely ignore it altogether, so use shallow/open baskets and trays that easily reveal their contents.
7. Have a specific place on the shelf for each thing - and STICK TO IT.  Because they are so sensitive to order, they may struggle to clean up if they do not know exactly where to return a toy or activity.  Your child will begin to internalize this order and might spontaneously clean up without you asking - or at least begin to restore order when prompted and assisted.  There is also inherent motivation for order when the shelves are sparse, clean, and simple.
8. Keep observing and adapting to your child's needs and interests.

Using a system that is clear and simple will make your life easier (less stuff on the shelf = less stuff to make a mess that you have to clean up).  It will also provide an opportunity for your child to internalize an external system of order and help maintain the external order of his space.  This may take some time, because he has internalized the prior system for cleaning or not cleaning or for mistreating toys.  When my house begins to look like a toy explosion, I step back to reevaluate what is going on - is there a space for everything, does Dominic know that space, are we being consistent with our rules for cleaning up and using toys correctly, does he have an appropriate space to play with xyz toy?

If things are being misused or mistreated, remove them immediately as the offense is happening.  Explain or show the correct way to use the item and let the child know that it will return when she is ready to use it the right way (young children do not respond well to lectures, so use concise and clear language: "The blocks are for building.  You are throwing the blocks.  I am going to put the blocks in a safe place until you are ready to build with the blocks."  Then do exactly that - no giving in to pouting or tantrums - just assure your child that the toy will return, and try to direct the child to something else.)  Keep the toy put away for a few days, and when you are ready to try again, ask the child if he is interested to try xyz toy again; state or show the right way to use it when you bring it back out to the shelf.  Be consistent and remove it again if the same offense continues - for a very young child, a redirection may be effective instead of removing the blocks each time a block is thrown, for instance, "you are throwing blocks.  blocks are for building.  balls are for throwing.  where is a ball?"  Children feel secure knowing that you are saying things that you mean, and that you will help them when they need it.  It also reinforces their sense of order to experience consistency - even when it is consistency that leads to the toys being removed from the shelf.

At one point we removed all of Dominic's toys one evening before bed.  He was having a tantrum and refusing to put anything away (even with Ryan and I doing all of the cleaning - he would not pick up a single item), this was the culmination of several days of willy nilly cleaning up and lackadaisical reinforcement of our rule for cleaning up after ourselves.  We put the toys away on a high shelf in his closet, leaving his toy shelf bare except for his lamp.  The following day we returned one toy and reminded him to put it away as he finished.  The following day we added another toy, and continued reminding him of our rules.  Eventually all of his toys were returned to his shelf and he returned to the habit of putting each activity away as he finished it.  He was probably about 18 months old.  He was not miserable when he had limited toys, and quite the contrary, he was more successful with the skill we were trying to emphasize (cleaning up) because he was able to better focus on that task with fewer items to manage.  Often children struggle to meet our standards because we are giving them too much all at once and then we give up entirely, thinking that they just cannot do it, or that they are too young.

I'd like to remind my readers that my certification is for children 3-6 years old, and my studies beyond that age range are more heavily focused in the first three years of life.  While these young children are in a formative stage for order, children older than six have a higher propensity for clutter (is that the right word?), meaning they can more easily navigate more complex organizational systems by reading labels on boxes or understanding larger groupings.  A child of this age could also be extremely helpful in designing a system for keeping her toys orderly if asked good questions to lead her toward a system - what things do you need to get to often, what toys do you play with less frequently, etc.  For instance, an art box might be plenty organized for an elementary student - to find pastels, pencils, paints, glue, scissors, etc. in one container possibly further divided into baggies or smaller boxes.  This would be hugely disorderly for a child under six.  Likewise, rather than having one small lego activity on a shelf (which would be appropriate for a child under six), an older child would be better equipped to manage a large container of several distinct lego activities with the instruction booklets available to easily find the handful of pieces needed for this or that star wars vehicle construction project.

What systems do you guys find helpful?  Have you noticed any signs of your child's sense of order?  Is there anything particular that is totally boggling you?

Human Tendencies: Exploration

Maria Montessori observed over the course of her life's work that children in every culture and in every time exhibit basic human tendencies.  These tendencies are for exploration, orientation, order, communication, abstraction/immagination, exactness, repetition, self-perfection, self-control, control of error, work/purposeful activity, and movement.  If you take a moment (or 20 minutes) to observe a child it is impossible not to see one of these tendencies in action.  Perhaps you will say, "what?  Order?  Self-control? WORK?!  Renee, you've never met my child."  In this series I hope to give some insight into the most basic driving tendencies of childhood that help our children adapt to their time and place as well as ways to foster our children's development by utilizing these innate tendencies.

Exploration is a tendency our "helicopter" generation of parents is likely stifling.  Initially this tendency would have been necessary for survival - to explore the environment for food, to seek shelter, to find water. With basic needs met, the child can explore for the sake of exploration rather than for the sake of survival.

Exploration, of course, lends itself to discovery.  Within the house, discovery of the cookies on the highest shelf behind a wall of non-cookie items or discovery of the sharpie that was left within reach.  Outdoors, the range of discovery is boundless.  The cooler temperature of the shade trees, the insects that live under stones and boards, the movement of the wind in the trees, the changing of the seasons, the life cycle of plants in a garden, birds, sticks, pebbles, rain... boundless discoveries, I'm telling you.  I've never noticed any boredom in children who are allowed to freely explore outdoors!

Exploration is both deeply satisfying and deeply enriching.  With summer upon us, here are some considerations for allowing your child space to explore outdoors:

• A safe area that can be "supervised" from a distance.  Other tendencies (self-perfection, exactness, control of error) will help your child to largely self-regulate in regards to his own safety.  I am not saying put the kid outside and go take a bubble bath with your martini - although that seemed to work fine for my grandmother's generation of parents!  Be close enough without being an interruption - become a part of the furniture, as Montessori might say.
• A rich environment to explore.  A gated expanse of concrete would hardly offer much opportunity for exploration.  Consider elements that will appeal to all the senses.  
• For the auditory sense, helicopters/planes, trains, the nearby high school band practices (for you fellow urbanites), birds, rustling leaves, wind chimes, running water, etc.
• For the gustatory sense (taste), an herb garden with a variety of flavors to sample and fruiting trees and vines to get a simple snack.  Of course, you should present these to your child, so he is not eating poisonous leaves/berries/etc - show him the specific plants and how to identify them; it may be helpful to have a clearly delineated herb container/garden.
• For the visual sense, varieties of trees and flowers, bird and butterfly habitat, flowing water, perhaps a fish pond or some backyard animals, a "bug box" to allow a closer look at insects, snakes, frogs, and lizards (as a temporary observational tool... not as a permanent "pet" habitat).  
• For the olfactory sense (smell) flowers, herbs and compost.
• For the tactile sense, a variety of textures of leaves, sticks, gravel, sand, soil, water, flowers, etc.  The opportunity to go barefoot enhances tactile awareness as well.
• Finally, give the children a little space to just be - did I already mention that... it can use more than one mention.  Don't get fussy about getting "dirty" or playing with sticks or crawling under shrubs.

In a later post I will offer more bountiful ideas for "purposeful activity" or "work," but the tendency I'm focusing on is related more to a richness of surroundings and freedom to meander.

That said, purposeful activity is an excellent opportunity for observing this (and all of the) tendencies.  Consider a watercolor painting - the first attempt is almost certainly ends in a shredded, sopping wet, sheet of grey-brown paper.  As the child explores the activity, she may discover that subtle and light colors can be achieved with more water and less paint, or that rich bold colors often require far less water.  She might explore possibilities for brush stroke - fluid strokes or staccato taps of the brush to the paper.  She may discover that her yellow flower turned orange when she added a red center!  She may discover that her sopping wet painting from yesterday is now a permanent part of the wooden table she left it on to dry - or that she can only successfully lift a painting that has not become wet enough to soak through to the table - or that the paint runs when she lifts the painting immediately.  Other tendencies are certainly at work in this process - repetition of the activity, order of the steps for painting, control of error in realizing the outcome was more of a wet pulp than a painting, self-perfection in noticing (self-perceived) imperfections and working toward improvement on the next try, self-control in physically mastering the strokes and steps.  Some of these things will simply not come to fruition if the exploration is blocked.

Allowing a child to experience these things - some exciting, some frustrating, some beautiful, some dare-I-say ugly to the adult eye - is a far greater opportunity for learning and development than a parent-child lecture about "how to draw a flower" or grabbing the child's hand and directing it from the water jar to the paint cake to the paper to the water jar.  Would it be easier, cleaner, "prettier," on the first try for you to do it for your child?  Almost certainly.  Will the satisfaction and wonderment be that much greater when she discovers independently the technique that works best for her after multiple attempts and repeated striving?  Absolutely.

Extra Stuff

As I was reading a blog (surprise), a statement popped out at me, and encouraged me to revisit the amount of "stuff" Dominic has immediately available to him.  It also led me to think about how successful and independent he is outside in our backyard because of the carefully selected and greatly limited "things" to do.  Here's the quote that stood out:  "one easy way that families could make things easier for themselves is to cut down on the 'stuff' and really focus on what activities seem to be attractive to their child at any given time," and here's a link to the blog I was reading.  It really stood out because of how true it is at our house, and how crazy I get at home when it seems like he is just running from mess to mess (which has been the case lately).


The other day I put away a few random toys and activities that had just been sitting around being clutter, and in my rushing around, I left out my bucket full of clothespins from hanging out the diapers.  Later in the evening after realizing that things were "too quiet" and worrying that I might have lipstick - or worse, sharpie - colored on my hallway walls, I found Dominic "working" on clipping each clothespin to the lip of the bucket.  He painstakingly opened each clip, moved the clips to make room for the next one along the lip, adjusted and re-adjusted the way he gripped the clip to get it on the bucket, and was outright and painstakingly concentrating on this "work."  While I think this is an activity often utilized in Montessori classrooms, he discovered this motivation on his own, and set out to complete it without any external guidance from me or Ryan.  In fact, I think he noticed it because all the other junk was cleared away, and I think he stuck with it because he was not interrupted by us even when we noticed that it was a little past bedtime.

Another instance of beautiful concentration was at his cousin, Elizabeth's, birthday party over the past weekend.  While closely observed by adults, the children were hesitant to play and interact, but as the party wore on and the adults found themselves engaged in chatting and eating, the children found so much to do outside in the sandbox with the sand toys, climbing the tree house and sliding down the slide, bouncing in the moonwalk, and coloring with sidewalk chalk.  At times they played together, and at times they spread out to work on individual activities, but the most amazing part was that they required little to no adult intervention while they were playing outside.  It was a lovely example of Montessori's observation of the inherent desires to be profitably occupied, to have independence, and to have community.

Dreaming of a White Christmas...

I tackled two kitchen projects this afternoon, and

promise to embed pictures later.

So I saw this awesome tip on the blog iHeartOrganizing a while back and decided to try it out. Then I got a little carried away, and I applied this tip to ALL of my kitchen appliances (which includes a washing machine, and even showed the sink some love).

Step 1: get magic eraser wet

Step 2: scrub the heck out of the "ivory" colored areas of your white appliances

Step 3: wipe with a damp cloth

Step 4: Oooooh and ahhhhhh. (here's the comparison... sideways)

I saw this awesome tip over at The Borrowed Abode blog a while back and used that same damp cloth from step 3 on my first project to show our microwave a little extra love.

Step 1: wet a cloth, not damp, not drippy, just wet

Step 2: microwave the damp cloth on high for 2 minutes

Step 3: open microwave and using an oven mitt or rubber gloves to protect from heat wipe the inside of the microwave with the cloth

Step 4: pick jaw up from the floor and enjoy a sparkly microwave.

Living Close to Where I Live

Something that has long irked and confused me is the cultural move toward the suburbs. That looming question mark comes from a lifetime of living IN the city limits in a moderately sized one-story house, within about 15 minutes of anything I could possibly need or want. I did live outside of the outer loop for about 9 months of my life right after I got married, and I tried my hardest to convince Ryan that we should find an apartment closer to our families and workplaces before he signed the lease (which he did a few months before we got married... sneaky bugger). He was unconvinced until he saw our monthly toll-way bill and our monthly gas expenses! At that point we were locked into a 1-year lease, though, and committed to look closer in for the next place.

What shocked us was how much more the apartment ended up costing us out on the beltway than an apartment inside of the inner loop! Factoring in the travel expenses for work and visiting our families, we could have lived somewhere pretty ritzy in the city or paid a whole mortgage payment each month from the start! I had to commute daily on the toll-way and the commute took between 20 and 35 minutes each way... longer than I had ever driven to get to work or school in my entire life. It may be hard to believe, but we were spending between $150 and $250 each month on the toll-way and the same amount on gas money as well! EVERY MONTH! It was uncanny how much money we watched leave our account unceremoniously on a monthly basis!

The second crazy side-effect of living way out there (shockingly, still in the "city limits") was that I was wasting 5 hours a week on the freeway. Ryan would spend 2 hours a week commuting (since he works 24-hour shifts). 7 hours of time wasted away from the love of my life a week! Over the course of 9 months on that schedule we spent 10.5 whole 24-hour days on the road. TEN POINT FIVE WHOLE 24-HOUR DAYS ON THE ROAD!!!! Shout it with me!!!! No wait, I have to run to vomit! WHAT THE HECK?!?!

I could have spent those 10.5 days doing any of the following activities: catching up on my DVRed TV because we used to watch TV back then, going on dates with my husband, taking a long vacation to ITALY with the money we could have saved in travel-to-work-expenses, sleeping, learning how to sew, coming up with ways to be thrifty, cleaning our apartment that was always a mess (probably because we never had time to clean it because we spent so much time sitting on our hineys in the car!)... etc... etc... etc...

We started house hunting. The hunt started in the heights... still a 20+ minute commute from where we were both working, and 20-45 minutes away from our families. We quickly got real and started looking in SouthWest Houston, where we work. We found a house that is 7 minutes from my work with no freeway time, and Ryan works about 12 minutes away from our house with no freeway time. My family is about 8 minutes away and Ryan's family is about 25 minutes away. The days of the longest commutes are the days that Ryan works because I have to pick up Dominic from his favorite nanny in the afternoons: his NaNa. So now we spend 1.5 hours a week in the car to and from work and none of that time is spent on the freeway. SO over a 9-month period... for comparison's sake, we spend 2.25 days in the car. LESS THAN A QUARTER OF THE COMMUTE WE USED TO DISDAIN!!!!! Oh, and the money? Well, we don't pay for the toll-way any more, and the gas bill is probably a quarter what we were paying in gas expenses when we drove 4 times as much! So that is about $400 a month that goes toward our mortgage payment (which we will eventually get back in equity when we are ready to move). The time and money savings alone are enough to encourage me to sell my soul!

Then there is the ever-popular rebuttal: "but the houses in the city are old and gross" or "but you can get twice the house if you buy in the suburbs." Twice the house, four times the commute?! What?! Pass. I will definitely agree that it is easier to move into a house that is new, but the trade off seems ridiculous. It definitely took some sweat and tears to get our 65 year-old house up to our standards, but we gained the luxury of 8.25 additional hours every week to work on the house or spend time as a family!! Knowing my taste, we would still need to make a TON of modifications to a "move in ready" house in the burbs in order to meet my standards... and we'd have to make those modifications without that extra 8.25 hours a week!

Additionally, the size of our house works beautifully for us. We can work in the kitchen with Dominic playing in the back yard or take a little nap with Dominic playing in his room. In the mornings we can set him up with some breakfast and run back to our bedroom to get dressed to take him to school without needing a monitor or without undue worry that he might endanger himself while we are down the hall. Our JBL speakers can pump tunes to our whole house without difficulty, and there are no unused nooks that get dusty and need lots of cleaning attention despite their lack of use. BRILLIANT. This is a pretty sweet deal. We have less cleaning to do AND more time with our family?!? File that under "awesome."

Maybe this is related to the American sense of independence, but we seem to have a cultural attachment to having loads of personal space. There isn't any time to spend with the family because the time is spent on the road, and then when the family gets home the goal is to get to the most secluded personal spot in the house to spend time decompressing and watching a personal TV with my own TV shows or time updating my facebook status and checking in on people that live across the country (even though I haven't seen the people down the hall all day). I am SO GUILTY of this. It is so simple to hop onto the electronics and isolate myself from my husband and my son. It is also simple to admit that we have WAY more fun when we choose to do something as a family: step out to the back yard to listen to the High School band playing in the distance, turn on Pandora and listen to the funk station, go for a walk through the neighborhood, drive a couple miles to a fun family activity, etc.

Oh, and that is without even mentioning the benefits of living really close to everything we like! With the zoo only 15 minutes away from the house, we can pop over with our zoo membership (that costs less than one month of driving on the toll-way) and spend 30 minutes bumming around. Maybe we'll see a few animals while we're there or maybe not, but we definitely won't be sticking around in a bunch of crowds. This is TOTALLY guilt-free and hassle-free, zoo-tripping! Since it is so close to our home we can easily pop over to the zoo and change our mind about staying without any worry that we've wasted a trip or wasted money on the visit. We also enjoy loads of parks, museums, and nature areas within the city that do not strain our budget and that keep us entertained without having to make a big production out of a trip. It is easy to just say "hop in the car, we're going to the art museum," and head out. No diaper bag, no problem... it is only 15 minutes away... huzzah!

Change is in the Air!

I posted a while back about my observations of the film "Eddison's Day," and the daily activities of a child who was just barely older than my own. There were MANY suggestions for how to make a home more appealing to a toddler, and our house was falling short in MOST of the areas I offered suggestions. The biggest goal of a toddler's house has to be safe independence, and accessibility is a HUGE componentof that goal.

Over the weekend I was hit by a nesting urge (never before experienced... my first child entered the world with the tack-board from disgusting carpet remaining along the perimeter of his room and still does not have a room color that is satisfactory for the space of a little boy). Dominic went down for his nap and Ryan and I got to work in the kitchen.

We had a bistro table at the far corner that barely fit Ryan and I and left Dominic floating in the middle in a high-chair... not my image of a family meal, but the flavor of family meal we've been having for a year or so! The table and chairs relocated to the third bedroom as a make-shift wrapping and sewing table next to the day bed. To add function to the nook in our kitchen, we brought in a low shelf that was salvaged from St. Catherine's when Katherine got new posh natural wood shelves. The shelf sits right under the window. The top shelf has a space for a small water source (I want to get a glass or ceramic water crock with a simple spigot) and a space for Dominic's drinking glasses, bowls, plates, and silverware. I am still trying to figure out my feelings about the dishes with characters/animals/etc. on them. It seems like Dominic is pretty distracted by the little cartoony super hero plates... he removed his toast from his plate this morning and tickled the little figure for the greater part of his breakfast. Hrumph... I put a lot of effort into that dry toast!

The second shelf has a little apron, his sketch-pad and crayons, and some sets of classified cards with pictures of amphibians, fish, and reptiles. The bottom shelf has the hand wipes (for coming in from picking up yucky stuff outside), a couple sweaters to choose from, and a hat for going outside. I am going to be adding a window washing setup, some kind of polishing, and possibly a bird-feeding activity. Any suggestions for how to do window washing with a toddler? I will also be hanging a picture above the shelf and creating a window treatment or mistreatment f

or the small window.

The next step for that nook is to bring in a wooden hutch from the garage onto that blue wall (the pictures have relocated since the photo was taken long ago) to display our white everyday dishes and store some of our larger serving pieces and appliances that do not have a home right now. That will also give us a little bit more counter space under the shelving to do kitchen stuff or just make a mess. With the dishes out of the overhead cabinets, we'll move all of the food pantry items to the overhead cabinets and convert the pantry into the cleaning and laundry closet, thus freeing up the space next to the washer as well... Maybe a low table or the kitchen tower will go there! Does anyone have experience with making snacks accessible for toddlers? How does one go about that? I was thinking of making one of the drawers in the hutch Dominic's snack drawer with pre-portioned snacks that he can get when he is hungry (goldfish crackers, pretzels, raisins...); before I do something crazy like that, I will have to have some pretty solid feedback from an expert, though!

The photo is dated, so picture the tree gone and the giant picture in that blank back wall space. For more accessibility, we've also put a shelf under the interior window where the tree is in the picture (you know, that window from our living room to our dining room... our house has so much CHARACTER!). We still need to work out exactly what the function of that shelf is (and paint it a more attractive color than almond). Since the guitars are all hanging in the living room, I am leaning toward a music and art shelf. We could bring some of Dominic's rhythm instruments out from his room, set up another coloring work, put out the shape-scapes sculpture puzzles, put art books and art cards (postcards from museums and photos from my stay in Italy), and set out some poetry books. We will also keep some other toys on the shelf for general play in the living room and possibly a diaper changing setup for when the new baby arrives?

Our third bedroom also experienced a facelift recently as a result of the new shelves in Katherine's classroom at St. Catherine's. I already mentioned the table and chairs that have made a makeshift wrapping table and sewing spot (although I will have to re-acquire my mom's sewing machine for that to REALLY be possible). I also have a lot of fabric that I've accumulated over the past year or two... the IKEA "as is" department is the BEST place for cheap and cool fabrics; there are always mis-matched and incomplete sofa covers and duvets priced at under a few bucks to come out to a real steal per yard! I'm probably going to have to steal some boxes from the living room or find some cheap baskets at goodwill to store all of the fabric scraps on the shelves. I'll also be able to bring in some of my boxed books from the garage. I think we will also set up the little play mat in this room for when the next little Smith makes his debut. I am sure the other two shelves will quickly fill with diaper supplies, blankets, and newborn toys. I am thinking that this will become more of a reading and craft room. This one also needs a paint job and a proper window treatment, rug, and day-bedding (keep me posted if you see anything awesome at a garage sale or thrift shop).

So hopefully those changes will be completely activated in the next couple days. I'm realizing as I post that the next post should probably be an update on the progress we've made on our house, although there are way more cracks in the walls now because we had the foundation repaired last year around this time.

Welcome to LIFE!

Our family has more fun than I can begin to tell you. We (usually) opperate on an organic schedule, spend lots of time together, and genuinely enjoy each others' company.

When Ryan and I got married, we got the uber cable and dvr package and we were "living the life." We never missed our shows because they were recorded and waiting for us. We never had to choose between Rachel Ray and Ninja Warrior because we could watch one and record the other. We enjoyed marathon after marathon of our favorite shows! We spent our weekends catching up on hours of television, and our weekday evenings on the couch getting up to date on the latest home colors for fall (even though we lived in an apartment) or trying to guess which house that family was going to pick of the three options. Actually, the television was running our lives. We still spent time with friends, we still went on dates, but the MAJORITY of our time off of work together was spent looking at a lighted screen. There were some weekends that we "HAD TO STAY IN" because our dvr had 20 backed up episodes of shows that were about to be deleted. We didn't have time to read books for leisure. We were slaves to the TV.

We moved into our house and decided to try living without cable for a while, but the TV company could only set up our internet if we ordered a cable package for at least a month. So we ordered the cable and kept it for the required month. When we got rid of the cable we hooked up the television to the behemouth antenna the previous homeowner had left attached to our chimney. After "putting up with" the local channels we did something really crazy. We swapped our living and dining rooms to have a larger living space. We disconnected the massive antenna and moved the televison to a wall with no antenna jack. We freed ourselves from the television.

At first we still spent a lot of time watching movies or playing the Playstation 3. We gradually started spending more time at our parents' houses. Soon we started wondering what we had been wasting all of our time doing! We started picking up little house projects here and there. Our house started to settle into a liveable space. Our floors were refinished, the nursery was set up, the broken oven was replaced, the yellow 1972 toilets were replaced, the bathroom floors were tiled, the remaining rooms of our house were painted, the garage slowly emptied enough to fit one car, the living room got fresh and inviting furniture, the china was moved out of my in-laws upstairs closet and into our china cabinet, window treatments started going up, our son's room became orderly (and stayed orderly!), my Montessori work started coming together. Life was getting GOOD!

Life was getting so good, that we had forgotten about our previously life-consuming enterprise of television watching. I had shed a television addiction that I've carried since my childhood. Family gatherings became less about the golf tournament or football game and more about time with our family! We started to feel a little weirded out when we'd go places with a television just running in the background. We were noticing how much we had been missing! Suddenly there were a few more hours in every day or a few more hours of sleep to get every night. We started taking Dominic out to the park as he became more confident with walking. We bought a zoo membership and started taking regular family outtings to the zoo (sometimes only for a quick 30 minute trip before nap time, but with a membership... no fret... we'll see the okapi next time if we don't see it today!). I actually completed my Montessori training, without a very serious mental break-down that I had procrastinated beyond recovery... astonishing!

A noteworthy realization was that we didn't need constant entertainment anymore. We weren't missing all that television at all, and in fact, we really enjoyed getting netflix so we could watch a series of a television show here-and-there or to have a movie night every once in a while. Ryan and I started having more spontaneous "dates" and started having deeper conversations. Sometimes the drive home from the zoo would get us into such a rivetting conversation that we would stop off at Fioza (our favorite local coffe/tea/sandwich shop) and spend a few more hours laughing and debating and whirling off into other conversations (with Dominic asleep in his stroller or engrossed in observing his surroundings, or reading a book from the diaper bag). We played trivial persuit! We stopped using the board for the game because we had so much dang fun answering the questions and getting lost in conversation about the questions.

Our life became rich because of the time we spent with our families, because of the time we spent with our son, because of the time we spent together in silence reading, because of the time we had to be a family! Often we will sit at home and each of us (Dominic included) will be doing our own activities. He doesn't demand that we be with him all the time, and we are not locking him into a playroom full of stuff or putting him in front of a television to "keep him busy" so we can check the latest facebook debate or finish the laundry. He will bring us a book to read him every now and then and we'll end up reading four books a couple times each. Or we'll play some music, and end up having a family dance party for an hour. Sometimes we just take a nap in the afternoon.

When television left our list of "needs," we quickly forgot about it and quickly realized how much we had been missing. We have not felt bored for a moment. We haven't had to spend a ton of money on other activities or items in order to fill a void. We've carefully selected a few activities that work well for our family for days that we just need something to do (the zoo, library, and park), but those activities are free or nearly free. The change was a big one when we first made it, but in retrospect, it is one that I cannot imagine living without. We save tons of money that used to go to the cable company, we have freed up hours and hours a week, and we are genuinely enjoying the precious moments we have as a family. It is a change that I would encourage anyone to try for a couple months (Ryan dares you to try it for a year!). It is a change that has improved our lives a hundred fold!

A Day in the Life of a Busy and Independent Toddler

Yesterday, I watched the film “Eddison’s Day,” and I was absolutely shocked by the capabilities of the 20-month-old “star” of the film, Eddison. The film was made in one day following his activities from waking up to reading a book for bedtime; his mom is an AMI-trained Montessorian for the 0-3 age range. His environment is impeccable. He is happy, confident, independent, and very connected to his family and world. I was so shocked by the film that I watched it 2 more times and furiously scribbled notes (the third viewing I realized I could press the “pause” button). I’d like to share my notes from the film to offer some guidance about appropriate activities for toddlers that may shock you into finding this film at a local Montessori school parent library, so you can “see it to believe it!” I've broken the activities down into a "time of day" format, and within each section I list the activities first and then the considerations a parent should make to facilitate the activities.

Early Morning Activities

· Activities

o Going outside to retrieve the newspaper (with parental supervision).

o Setting the family table for breakfast and eating breakfast independently, even spreading jam or peanut butter on his own toast with a real child-sized knife and pouring a pre-portioned amount of milk out of a small pitcher into a drinking glass.

o Clearing breakfast dishes from table independently.

o Feeding the cat a pre-portioned amount of food, and giving the cat water from an accessible (low) water source.

· Accessibility Considerations

o Dishes should be low enough for the child to reach without adult help, and open shelving is best for young children to see everything they need;

o The child should be allowed to use real dishes and flatware (breakable, beautiful, stainless steel, child-sized);

o The child needs a chair that he can climb into on his own that pulls up to the family (adult-sized) table;

o The parent will have to pre-portion drinks and spreads into small containers that are manageable for the child: a small “sauce bowl” for jam, or a coffee creamer sized pitcher for drinks. There will be slightly more dirty dishes.

o A low, accessible place to put dirty dishes, like a small cart or bin; later the child can help rinse them at the sink. If this seems superfluous, allow the child to wash dishes after each meal in the sink and load dishes into the dishwasher by himself.

o For animal care, the child needs manageable containers with the correct amount already measured out or a built-in control for the correct amount (one cup full, or one small pitcher of water). The child needs access to a low water source, like a glass crock of water on a low shelf. The animal care tray should be as simple as a tray with a cup or pre-portioned container for with an easy-open lid for dry food and a small pitcher for water.

Getting Ready for the Day

· Activities

o Brush teeth, looking into a low accessible mirror, mom squeezes toothpaste.

o Use a small potty independently (managing pulling down and pulling up his own pants)

o Choose own outfit from a limited selection of clothing.

o Undress from PJs and get dressed with some, but very little, adult help. Admire himself in a mirror.

o Carry his own backpack with a change of clothes if leaving for school (toddler community in the film) or going for an outing.

o Walk outside independently, even down steps, and to the car.

· Accessibility Considerations

o Low mirror in the bathroom.

o Small potty-chair with spare/dry changes of underpants and books close at hand in a basket or small cubby.

o An easy-open closet or wardrobe with a low clothing rail with two tops and two bottoms hanging (for a girl maybe a dress and a separates option?). A couple bins or baskets below the rail with staples like socks, accessories, and underwear (yes, they can be potty trained this young, with minimal accidents).

o A hamper in the dressing/undressing area. A simple and small basket is sufficient… they have little clothes!

o Hooks near the door with hats and coats (that can be offered upon leaving) and a backpack with spare clothes or diapering essentials… toss the diaper bag and let the kid carry his own stuff!

o Step-stool to get outside if the drop is too steep.

At School

· Activities

o Enter the school walking with or even ahead of Mom.

o Open the door to his class, and separate from mom without tears or trauma.

o Simplified table-top hand-washing

o Do activities independently and with concentration and repetition.

o Do activities in the company of a small community

· Accessibility Considerations

o Security that parent will be picking him up on time, a cheerful and trusting parents who separate in a matter-of-fact, “see you later, I love you” kind of way.

o Handwashing setup: Terrycloth apron, small bowl (that can fit both toddler hands), small pitcher that can fill the bowl in one go, and a smaller bowl with a small bar of soap. A hand towel for drying. This activity can be set up on a low table at home as well; children LOVE this.

On a “Play Date”

· Activities

o Share outdoor toys and tricycles with a friend (of the same age)

o Harvest fruit from the yard (or veggies from the home garden, or herbs with some help).

o Eat lunch with a friend at a low table; they pass each other the small pitcher with water to pour their own drinks, and have simple (toddler) conversation “you want some?” “thank you” “mmm… pears”

o Attempting a low balance beam (2x4 plank on the ground secured with small supports along the board)

o Share toys indoors with a friend.

o Return toys and musical instruments to their places on the low shelf in the family room.

o Dig in the sand at a beach and use a pail and shovel.

· Accessibility Considerations

o Freedom to play independently with adult supervision (no hovering! They can do it!).

o Accessible dishes (as with breakfast), and a low picnic table outside is a nice variation to eating lunch.

o Clear and orderly toy layout (see below “At Home” for more details)

o Freedom to get dirty (play in sand, pick up insects, and explore).

Out and About

· Activities

o Help pick out flowers, fruits, and vegetables at a farmers market. Place the veggies into bags, smell the fruits and vegetables, use basic language for the items in the market.

o Wash the car in the driveway with dad. Spray water with the hose, wash the car with a soapy sponge, apply wax or polish with a cloth.

· Accessibility Considerations

o Let the child walk as much as possible, holding hands, and let the child take a little detour every now and then to check something out.

o Give language for EVERYTHING and allow the child to have a sensory experience of the things in his world.

o Provide child-sized (real, not toy) activities that are part of home life. Small sponge and cloth for washing the car, for instance. Live with the child, not around him.

At Home

· Activities

o Read books with mom, selecting books from a limited supply on a low shelf.

o Work with modeling clay (or play doh), using simple clay tools and cleaning up independently.

o “washing” windows and play equipment (tricycle, wheelbarrow) outside with a wet sponge.

o Name items in nature and in the home.

o Handling and returning items in nature: snails, leaves, flowers, pears (from the tree in the backyard… sweet!).

o Simplified flower arranging: placing flowers cut by parents into a pre-filled vase.

· Accessibility Considerations

o Low bookshelf with a few books displayed clearly on it; rotate books as interest wanes, but keep the selection to a few books at a time.

o Activities should be self-contained and clear in their setup/use: A tray with a small board for rolling the clay, a small (child fist) sized ball of clay, a couple simple rolling and cutting tools. A tray with a few crayons at a time in a small dish and a fresh piece of paper. A tray with a sponge and a drying cloth for wiping the table. A tray with a watering can and small cloth for watering plants and drying small drips of water.

o The activities should be displayed on low open shelving, within the child’s reach. Each activity, toy, or instrument should have its own clear space on the shelf; “catch-all” bins or baskets are great for “easy” clean-up, but they do not provide the same clear and orderly presentation that the shelf provides. With an orderly and consistent layout, the child is able to choose activities and put things away himself. It would probably be surprising to see that a child this young is EXTREMELY orderly in a well-prepared environment. It is rare a child pulling many things out at a time when things are set up as above, and it is amazing to see the level of concentration and engagement a child can exhibit in working with one carefully selected item at a time.

o Access to the outdoors with purposeful activities such as a balance beam, tricycle, sponge for cleaning, a broom for sweeping.

Cooking Dinner

· Activities

o Pouring pre-portioned ingredients into a mixing bowl, dry and wet ingredients.

o Mixing ingredients with a child-sized spatula, with limited instruction from mom “let’s try to keep it in the bowl.”

o Kneading dough.

o Brushing pizza dough with olive oil.

o Assembling pre-sliced ingredients on a pizza: mozzarella, tomatoes, basil

o Preparing dessert batter as above, and spooning dessert batter over a cobbler, with limited direction from mom, “can you add some over here?” Taking turns and accepting help.

o Washing dishes at the sink using a soapy sponge with dad. Wiping dirty or wet counter tops.

o Distinguishing trash and recyclables and putting them in the appropriate containers.

o Setting the table for the whole family and eating at the family table.

· Accesibility Considerations

o Child-sized aprons (made of two large hand towels sewn together with space for the head are great for absorbency!).

o A kitchen tower that elevates the child to counter height to work with the parents (learning tower, or kitchen helper… I’ve heard there are some platforms available at home depot that may work just as well).

o Small versions of cooking utensils.

o Constant supervision; this is a “doing with” type of situation.

o Child-sized brooms on low hooks for clean-up.

o Small sponge at the sink.

o Low trash and recycling bins, if the child will help take out trash and recyclables, the indoor bins should be small enough for the child to carry (even with some strong effort it is ok, but not so huge that he cannot manage).

Before Bedtime

· Activities

o Take out a small bin of recyclables to the large bin. Climb up on a step stool to put the recyclables into the bin. Walk with dad to help take the garbage bin to the curb.

o Add bubbles to bathwater with a little direction “let’s save some for next time.”

o Choose two bath toys from a low cabinet.

o Undress with a little bit of help from mom.

o Put clothes into hamper.

o Wet his own body with a cup and a washcloth.

o Bathe with a washcloth and some parental help to get the hard to reach places (behind ears, back, etc).

o Asked for help to wash hair, but closed his own eyes to have his hair rinsed.

o Put on robe with some help from mom (after mom dries him off and gives some snuggles). Hang towel on a low hook.

o Remove robe and hang on low hook in his room.

o Dress in PJs with minimal help from mom.

· Accessibility Considerations

o A step stool to reach the outdoor recycling bin, adult help to open and close the large bin.

o Small manageable container with bubbles for the child.

o Expectation of a limit to the number of toys that can be taken into the tub (one per hand makes a lot of sense). The child is then able to return the toys to the shelf without having an overwhelming mess or large number of toys to clean up.

o Freedom to do for himself.

o Low hooks that the child can reach to hang up towels, robes, re-wearable pjs, etc.

The Disney Dilemma

After much thought and deliberation (and fear of being shot by Disney enthusiasts), I’ve decided to collect my thoughts on the child-product-mega-company and post my observations. Many of these were pointed out by my mom and followed by a hearty eye-roll in my younger years, but these themes have become more of an interest as I begin to raise my own son. Recently they've become the topics of many a facebook debate, so I thought that instead of invading someone's nonchalant wall post with a dissertation, that I would post it here.

I will preface my review of Disney by saying that I know this will not be something that we will be able to avoid in Dominic's childhood, and by saying that I watched and loved the entire Disney collection growing up. Until Dominic is 6 years old, I will do my parental best to keep him in an environment that is purposefully and actively driven, in order to meet the needs of his self-construction, which is largely completed in the first 6 years of life. My approach is not to destroy Disney or decline any invitation for my child to hang out with children who watch Disney, but rather (when he is older than 6, and a reasoning human being with a strong inclination to moral development) to have conversations about some of the disturbing themes that run through the collection, so he knows that our family values are quite different than the cartoon representations of the Disney collection and so he can develop his discerning eye for media (movies, literature, news, music, and all the rest).

My favorites were always Robin Hood, Sword in the Stone, and Cinderella. Ryan’s favorites were Beauty and the Beast, Robin Hood, and Sword in the Stone. We probably would have been great friends growing up, but we will just have to settle for great friends now. Hockety pockety wockety wack… I still wish I could sing that song and watch my dishes wash themselves! So on that positive note, here comes the beef. I will begin by reviewing overarching themes and move on to the subtle or subliminal themes of the collection.

Overarching themes:

Absence of Nuclear Family: I cannot think of a single Disney film that has an intact family, with a mother and father who raise the children (princesses or fish alike). Most of the films represent single parenthood, and corrupt or bumbling parents (see more subliminal issues below). This represents a strong message across the entire collection, and neither supports a sense of security in the family unit nor a worldview that I want my child to be worrying about in his early years. This is definitely a truth of our society that many children grow up with one parent or under the care of a different relative entirely, but in his early years I do not want him to worry “when will my dad disappear, or when will my mom be out of the picture.” From 0-6 years children are absorbing every external stimulus holistically (like a camera taking a picture), without any discrimination, and while this isn’t something that Disney overtly mentions at the beginning of each film, it is something underlying that is taken into the child’s mind.

Capitalism at its Finest/Basest: Disney is in the business of marketing, and as such, anything you can think of can have a logo slapped on the side of it and then be sold for a premium price because of its longstanding market dominance. It does not promote creativity or imagination, but rather sells a mass-produced substitute for those two values in our society. I know I will be opposed on this, but will go into further detail in my later discussion of the developmental stages and the role of creativity, imagination, and consumerism. Because every movie is “cute” and has a “happy ending” they have secured a huge market, and one that is geared primarily at children and still appeals to adults because of nostalgia for the movies and contentment that “it is good” based on superficial reasons (the sugar coating on the bitter pill, if you will).

Subliminal themes:

Parents as Tyrants and Parents as Buffoons: In many of the Disney movies, old and new, the parents are depicted as one of two extremes: evil tyrants or bumbling out-of-touch fools. Most of the classic princess story lines feature a helpless daughter at the mercy of a tyrannical mother (or step-mother, or the like). Whereas many of the “modern” story lines feature an overly powerful child and a parent that has no idea how to handle it (sounds eerily realistic, if you work with young children these days). I am thinking specifically of Cinderella and Snow White in the former case, and I’m referring to Beauty and the Beast, Pocohontas, Aladdin, Finding Nemo, Little Mermaid, Mulan in the latter case. While subliminal, these are prevalent themes in the collection, and themes that glorify disrespect and disobedience.

Disobedience and Disrespect Pay Off, and Have no Negative Consequences: Because of these Disney archetypes for authority figures, there is a massive theme of disrespect and disobedience to authority (coming from a Rage Against the Machine fan, I know this sounds totally off-the-wall). There was a string of movies in my elementary school days that resonated this theme: Little Mermaid, Pocahontas, Mulan and Aladdin. More recently Finding Nemo is a flagrant example of the same. In the three former that I mention, a powerful daughter (or maybe “entitled” is a more fitting adjective) directly disobeys her father and ends up in a terrible amount of danger (the action of the movie, because otherwise this would never sell), and in the end she proves that her father was wrong and that all will be “happily ever after” despite her flagrant disobedience. In the latter, Nemo swims out in a direct defiance to the father’s limit (which is set as a safety precaution), and is essentially kidnapped in front of his father’s eyes (I realize he is a fish, but lets look at it for the underlying value). The father then goes on a wild adventure in search of his kidnapped son, enduring perils and of course seeing humor all along the way. The kidnapped and initially distraught Nemo, finds that being kidnapped isn’t so bad as he meets a tank full of store-bought fish that he convinces to escape to the ocean. Eventually, the father and son are reunited, and the father realizes that it wasn’t that big of a deal for his son to be kidnapped, and that really, a lot of good came of that kidnapping. And they live…. Everybody now… “HAPPILY EVER AFTER.” Apart from minor peril and fear, the child is always right, and the parent is just not quite hip enough to “get it.” Yikes.

Unrealistic Image of Love: In the princess story lines, there is a totally fantastic (as in, the adjective of the word fantasy, not a synonym to awesome or great) framework for love and relationship. This was something that Ryan brought up in discussing this topic. There is a theme of the first person you meet, who is always totally gorgeous and sings beautifully, will be the person you spend the rest of your life loving in that state of happily ever after. There is no conflict beyond that point (because the movie has ended), there is no repercussion of the broken home that one or both of the involved lovers is coming from, and this is something that everyone seems to oooh and ahhhh about. Maybe it is good to send a message that good can come to someone in a broken home, and certainly that is true although not indicative of research of children from broken homes. The fantasy view of love is something that leads to plenty of heartbreak during elementary and teen years of life when the girl who sits next to you is teasing you mercilessly or your first boyfriend dumps you out of the blue.

Money and Marriage Fantasy: In many of the films the hero and heroine find "love", get married, and live in royalty happily ever after. This emanates that if you marry into money, you will live happily ever after, and since you will be a king/queen/princess (whatever) there will be no hard work or hard times ahead. The message is almost anti-love and pro-marry-up. Maybe you love an artist or theology major, but let’s face it, that isn’t going to get you anywhere… go for the doctor (medical doctor, not doctor of philosophy)!

Sex Sells: At the other side of that fantasy image of the charming prince and beautiful princess, there is a more recent trend in Disney films that focuses on disguising adult humor as child-friendly content. The film that really resonates this is Shrek, although it is not a Disney film, it is definitely geared toward children. I remember seeing in middle or high school and coming out of it laughing so hard, and thinking, “what a great movie, it entertains the kids and it is hilarious for an older crowd because it is totally over the kids heads.” I am sure I rolled my eyes at my mom when she was aggravated by this sentiment, but I now know that nothing gets past children, not even that joke that is over their heads (in fact, I probably knew it then because I was a kid and I was very observant). I know there have been moments in Disney movies that I have had this thought, although never as overt as in the Mirimax film, Shrek, but I cannot recall a specific instance of it. Returning to the princess stories, there are several “favorites” who are animated as busty chicks in bikinis tops, showing cleavage, leg and midriff throughout the films, along with themes of seduction and sweeping in to steal the prince (Little Mermaid) or even the princess becoming a slave to a sorcerer or ‘bad guy’ because of her choices (Aladdin)… ick.

It may seem as though these are all themes that run rampant in the larger scope of the media; and it is no surprise to me that this is the case. If it sells during prime time soaps or comedies, it will probably sell in the next Disney “classic.” The last Disney movies I saw were Wall-E, Cars, and Finding Nemo, and anything other than those in recent years has been off my radar, so I cannot speak to any of those other recent films, but I am pretty confident that I’ve seen the whole collection up to Nemo.

Would you like your brownies with or without poop?

I will now share one of my mom’s favorite anecdotal benchmarks for measuring the merit of a movie (I think she got it from a speaker at a Steubenville Youth Conference, when she was a chaperone): A mother asks a child who returns from a movie, “How was it?” The child responds, “It was great, it was funny, it was interesting, but there was this one part that you wouldn’t like (graphic violence, sex, profanity, take your pick, you won’t have to think to hard if you think back to the last movie you watched).” The mom responds “Oh, well was it really that good, then?” picture the child rolling his/her eyes (I know I did every time I heard this story in high school after getting home from a movie). So at a later time the mom prepares a delicious batch of brownies, and the whole family gobbles them down (picture now the crumbs remaining in the pan as the last bites are finished). The mom asks, “How were the brownies?” Everyone responds “Delicious, great, marvelous, the best, fabulous brownies, you rock mom!” and she discloses, “Well, I followed my usual recipe, but I just added a tiny bit of dog poop to the batter. It wasn’t that much though, just a pinch.” (Have you vomited yet?) Obviously this was to make a point, and the family did not consume any feces.

Appropriateness of Themes for Children in Different Stages of Development:

First plane, the Absorbent Mind: zero-6 years old: During this stage, children are making their first orientations to reality, getting a grip on how things respond to their touch, the sounds in their environment, the emotions of the people around them, and the security and love they are getting from their parents. Rather than offering contact with reality (which is totally new and wonder-filled for children who’ve only been on the earth for a few months or years) the programs offer fantasy, which the young child takes in as reality. This is a stage of absorbent learning, meaning everything they come to contact leaves a replicated impression in the mind. Many argue that fantasy is a precursor or sign of imagination, but with closer examination, this Disney fantasy is a pre-bundled or manufactured “imagination,” such that, the story is this or that when you play with these toys or “imagine” about princesses, or here is the framework for playing fish… complete with character names and mannerisms, nothing unique or original (I see a lot of this working with 3-6 year olds). Fantasy play, in Montessori philosophy is considered a deviation from natural childhood tendencies, based on Dr. Montessori’s observation of children the world over (remember, she was developing this philosophy before there was television, and before the fascination with fantasy play swept the US as a beneficial thing for children). Don’t be alarmed, Montessori is interested in inventiveness and creativity in an almost religious capacity; in fact, she calls this stage a period of “self-construction” during which the child is creating herself through interaction with her environment—the greatest creative act of human life! The absorbent mind takes in all of the overarching themes and subliminal themes, bundles them as reality in neuro-pathways in the brain, and the more it takes in of this the stronger those synapses are etched in the mind of the child. This is also a time of orientation to the culture of the child’s upbringing, which seems to embrace the values Disney is selling as true and good. It seems clear that inner turmoil will arise from these overarching cultural values and the values that we strive to impress upon our children in our own homes.

Second Plane, the Age of Reason: 6-12 years old: Here is where fantasy and “imagination” in the modern sense become appropriate because of changes in the way the children are thinking and the different developmental sensitivities they have during this age range. Imagination at this stage is extremely important in understanding the greater functioning and interdependence of people within a society (that all the food at the grocery store has been grown by a farmer, then delivered by a driver, then set out by the grocer, purchased by the parent, and eaten at dinner… this takes a leap of imagination, because chances are, the kid hasn’t met the farmer or delivery guy or the grocer). Fixation on the pre-packaged imagination inhibits imagination in the sense of true creativity and independent thinking. This is the time of moral development, interest in justice and how it plays out in society (and movies), and these developments arise out of the reasoning mind of the child who begins to consolidate the impressions absorbed in the first six years of life… there is a reason First Communion in the Catholic Church takes place when children are 7 or 8 years old; they are reasoning and morally functioning humans. During this stage of sensitivity for moral development, the movies offer moral confusion and conflict with what they are learning in reality from parents, teachers, and even peers. Chances are, parents don’t encourage their children to run off without permission or to flagrantly disobey their requests and limits. Because of this conflict between reality and the films, children begin pushing limits to test their moral compass and their understanding of big moral questions, such as, “what is justice?” This is the stage of life when “that’s not fair,” becomes a staple in childhood vocabulary. Kids at this stage are entering a time of social collaboration and belonging, and the movies promote the development of fantasy-based ideas of love and relationship. “Why are the girls at school picking on me?” “They just like you.” Thinking: “That’s not how it is supposed to go! It doesn’t happen like that in the movies” (which have been absorbed as reality, if viewed before this stage of life). Because of a strong pack/herd mentality at this second stage and because of a higher regard for what friends are doing (peer pressure) there is an increase in consumerist lobbying (begging) for toys and paraphernalia to fit in or because “she has one!” or “his mom lets him have it!” These things are so prominent in my memory of growing up… “BUT MOMMY!!”

Third Plane, the Social Newborn: 12-18 years old: The physical changes of puberty kick off this stage along with emotional turmoil and self-consciousness; these are the “awkward years.” Any issues that went unresolved in the first plane come up again during this time, as they are parallel stages and the times in life with the most rapid physical growth and emotional development. Youths may feel disappointment in the reality of love and relationship or self-consciousness about how things really go compared to their expectations—there is depression at the rift between reality and the false reality absorbed much earlier in life. At the other extreme, because it is a stage of idealism, they will embrace the false “reality” that is presented in these “classic movies”—rejecting the way life in society actually works. At this age youths are also attracted to heroes and stories of struggle, because those themes mimic the internal struggle of the child—the princess defying the father becomes the role model. Youths begin to formulate conscious values at this stage, and will probably continue pushing limits and the expectation that “happily ever after” happens no matter your choices. Youths begin venturing into financial independence (though in our society, I think this happens later in life with each passing year, with children depending on their parents well into adulthood for housing and other provisions). That mindset of “no consequences” or positive reinforcement for the glorified poor choices in these movies can definitely cause a detrimental attachment to a non-reality… at a time that reality becomes a lot rougher in the “real world.” Is it any wonder that credit card companies target 18 year olds with free t-shirts and high credit limits in our American society?!

Fourth Plane: 18-24 years old: At this point the child/youth/young adult reaches biological maturity and trains for and enters society in a chosen vocation. This could be a difficult enterprise with an unrealistic sense of how the world works, and how choices are affected (especially with parental enabling of this false notion of reality, but I’ll save that rant for another post). People having children during this stage of life begin to look critically (hopefully) at the society and the role it will play in raising a family, and whether that is even something to consider in the culture of selfishness and false reality that is built up by this staple of our childhoods (I’m so grateful for my education and upbringing, that helps me to differentiate this media lie from reality). Additionally, young adults will begin to face these issues for their own children if they are having children. This stage parallels the second stage as a time of rational formation, moral concern, and finding a role as a member of society. To buy it, or not to buy it?

Call to Action; Taking a Proactive Role in our Children's Media Exposure:

We would never offer our children food with something we know is harmful or gross. In fact, when the doctor tells you that your child has a food allergy, there is no fence-walking about your child coming into contact with that food… no questions asked, no rationalization, we follow the doctor’s order without any hesitation. When it comes to what children are putting into their minds in the form of media, we are far more lax in our standards. Every time I mention the television standard for children, which comes from the American Academy of Pediatrics (no screen time under the age of two), the response is a resounding, “Well, I watched TV and turned out fine” or “Just a little won’t hurt them.” Because it isn’t the cause of a physical defect, we just write it off; there is little concern for the psychic (spiritual, emotional, pick the word you like best) development of the child, which is taking in all the subliminal dross of the content as well as forming a fixation to time spent doing absolutely nothing. I don’t know that parents even preview or think about what their children are watching the majority of the time, and once an image, or words, or undertone of disrespect goes by on the screen it is imprinted in the child’s mind. That, again, is some powerful marketing or a powerful social shift… the parents do not even question the merit of what they are giving their children, but know that it must be good because it has an upbeat soundtrack, cute characters, and a happy ending.